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Old 11-10-2007, 07:24 AM   #1
astarte502
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So I have one of my good friends upset with me. She is married and realized that she has been neglecting her friends since she got married a year ago. So she is arranging a "girls night out" on the 24th. I was planning to go, until I got asked out on a date the night of the 23rd. I decided i'm actually GOING on this date and changed plans with my sitter to watch Jewel on the 23rd instead of the 24th. I really thought that she would understand. Especially since there are about 6 other girls going, so it isn't like i'm leaving her high and dry. I really WANT to go out with this guy. He's a lot of fun and strangely....has his priorities in order (he's in law school). While I do enjoy nights out with the girls, I really feel like she HAS her husband and I have little opportunity to even date. This is going to be an official first date with this guy and I don't feel like he would take a cancellation very well, and I won't leave Jewel with a sitter two nights in a row. Just a mommy rule I have. Am I "doing wrong" by my friend? She really seems to think so. I thought that at this point in our lives we would have a different kind of understanding about these things. I mean, I haven't been mad at HER for doing the married thing for the past year and neglecting our friendship. I'm an adult and know that priorities change.

*sigh* I feel like i'm in high school again!!
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Old 11-10-2007, 07:24 AM   #2
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So I have one of my good friends upset with me. She is married and realized that she has been neglecting her friends since she got married a year ago. So she is arranging a "girls night out" on the 24th. I was planning to go, until I got asked out on a date the night of the 23rd. I decided i'm actually GOING on this date and changed plans with my sitter to watch Jewel on the 23rd instead of the 24th. I really thought that she would understand. Especially since there are about 6 other girls going, so it isn't like i'm leaving her high and dry. I really WANT to go out with this guy. He's a lot of fun and strangely....has his priorities in order (he's in law school). While I do enjoy nights out with the girls, I really feel like she HAS her husband and I have little opportunity to even date. This is going to be an official first date with this guy and I don't feel like he would take a cancellation very well, and I won't leave Jewel with a sitter two nights in a row. Just a mommy rule I have. Am I "doing wrong" by my friend? She really seems to think so. I thought that at this point in our lives we would have a different kind of understanding about these things. I mean, I haven't been mad at HER for doing the married thing for the past year and neglecting our friendship. I'm an adult and know that priorities change.

*sigh* I feel like i'm in high school again!!
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Old 11-10-2007, 09:19 AM   #3
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Eh...Do whatever you want to do. I think we all ( guilty as charged) worry too much about what others think of what we do....instead of just being ourselves.

Have your night out...guilt free. Have fun.
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Old 11-10-2007, 01:53 PM   #4
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hmmmmm ok here is my input on this. my friends and i have always had a saying between us as many guys have. "bro's before ...-----..."
yea i never followed that. being a single parent is hard enough to find time to date so when the opertunity comes up take it. your friends will always be there. your next date might not!
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Old 11-10-2007, 05:35 PM   #5
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Ok, let me recap this. She basically blew everyone off for the past year, felt guilty even though you understood and let it go. Now you do it for the first time and she gets upset?

I don't think she is upset with you, rather then upset with the fact that she didn't get to make things right in her mind.

Just out of curiosity, could you get a sitter for both days? I know that going out one night for a single custodial parent is as rare as hitting the lottery but since they were seperate days wouldn't they settle that problem?

Well, in the end it is your life to live. You are te only one who gets to walk in your shoes so you know best what you should do for you. It sounds like you really want to go on the date and you are trying to come up with a reason to make it ok, but you are feeling guilty. Don't feel guilty, you deserve to go on a date (Coming from a man who hasn't been on one in well over 2 years, maybe 3). You wanted to feel better about the decision by getting our approval but you don't need it, it is really ok to do something YOU want to do. She is your friend, she will get over it and plan something later for the both of you to do to make up for not being able to go.
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Old 11-10-2007, 08:13 PM   #6
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I can totally relate to this on two levels.
My bestest friend of say 15 years and I were both in Hawaii at the same time. Her husband went off to Korea for a year and then she decided that was her chance to go out and party. Since I am not a party girl I usually got left behind because I worked.

Another girlfriend got married and I did not hear from her for about 2 years literally. Now she is divorced and has time to be my friend again (granted she is in Texas now).

Go out and have fun on a date.
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Old 11-10-2007, 10:05 PM   #7
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Go on your date. If she is your friend then she will understand. And if she doesn't she will eventually get over it.
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Old 11-11-2007, 05:37 AM   #8
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Well I saw her yesterday at a mutual friend's house for a kid's birthday party. She asked a lot of questions about this guy and I think she realized that this WAS a good opportunity for me. She is used to me dating losers and apparently was afraid i'd get myself into another unhealthy relationship. Once I explained to her that he was finishing law school and actually has a bright future ahead of him, she agreed it was a good risk for me to take I also reminded her that she and I did go out about three weeks ago and had a great time...even WITH her husband there. I think you all are right. It is her guilt that was causing her to act this way, but she's been making an effort for the past month and i've actually seen spent time with her on three different occassions in that month, and even if hubby and/or Jewel are around...it's still time. SO, it is settled! I'm going on a DATE!
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Old 11-11-2007, 05:56 AM   #9
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You are not wrong to want to go out on a date. I am glad your friend understands where you are coming from know. Have fun on your date.
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Old 11-11-2007, 08:47 AM   #10
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Yep... we all expect details of how it went afterwards.
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Old 11-11-2007, 12:06 PM   #11
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Cool..when it the date? glad that you were able to resolve the issue with your friend...that is what friends are for...you'll both be stronger as a result..isn't that cool?
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Old 11-11-2007, 06:33 PM   #12
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Details details details ... ah just bring a video camera so we can all watch! Just kidding, just have a good time and don't worry about ANYTHING else!
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Old 11-12-2007, 07:01 AM   #13
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We are going out on the 23rd. I will fill you all in on the details but I will NOT be video taping. LOL!
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Old 11-12-2007, 09:12 AM   #14
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by astarte502:
We are going out on the 23rd. I will fill you all in on the details but I will NOT be video taping. LOL! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

How about a tape recorder, or how about if someone else (we cen send Singleparentcoach who can bring the camera!) See, then you are totally innocent ::WHISTLING::!
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Old 11-12-2007, 03:53 PM   #15
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by astarte502:
We are going out on the 23rd. I will fill you all in on the details but I will NOT be video taping. LOL! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

the 23rd??? geesh that's like an eternity away from here...LOL
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Old 11-12-2007, 05:12 PM   #16
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LMAO! It's just a week and a half
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Old 11-12-2007, 06:10 PM   #17
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astarte...what is he so busy he actually managed to fit you in the "book?" LOL

kidding....

but that is a looong time for us to wait to find out how it went..
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Old 11-13-2007, 07:46 AM   #18
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How about live feed video of the date, we can say it is a test run for the wedding on the other thread ... what do you think

::At this point I am ducking thinking someone is going to throw something at me::
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Old 11-13-2007, 10:40 AM   #19
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">astarte...what is he so busy he actually managed to fit you in the "book?" LOL </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

LMAO! No! It's the other way around. That is when I can fit HIM in!!

No live feed video of my first date with this guy!! If I like him enough for a second date, we can arrange it then
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Old 11-13-2007, 11:54 AM   #20
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by astarte502:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">astarte...what is he so busy he actually managed to fit you in the "book?" LOL </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

LMAO! No! It's the other way around. That is when I can fit HIM in!!

No live feed video of my first date with this guy!! If I like him enough for a second date, we can arrange it then </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, you do know that we are going to hold you to that!

Should be careful of what you say! LOL
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