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Old 09-29-2017, 02:53 AM   #1
Shawn76 Male
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Default Having a child after 40

My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant and this will be her first child. I have my 2 still with me. They know and are excited to be having a brother or sister coming in mid April. I didn't expect it so soon,but I know I could of avoided it but didn't so I will be 41 and raising another child. Not that I'm complaining any,I kind of miss having a little one around again.
Our relationship has been good and we haven't had any arguments or break ups.
Kids like her and vice versa,I think my son talks to her more then I do sometimes which is a huge step for him.
So I'm looking for some advice for parenting after 40. It's been a few years since I have had to change diapers or listen for a baby to wake up. I'll be the one getting up at night since she has to get up so early for work.
I'm not working yet,waiting to see what disability is going to rule on before I try to work again. I had a very bad car accident and haven't been the same since. Rear ended by someone who was doing about 60mph while I was sitting at a dead stop in a Toyota Prius. I think the hearing went well,but never know until I get the letter in the mail in the next few weeks. If denied I already have a job I can get,but I know I will be killing myself doing the work. It's been a rough few years and my body doesn't bounce back like it did when I was younger. Sure I filed a lawsuit against the person who hit me,but that will probably cover medical and lawyer fees only,anything left buys baby stuff and money for my kids,especially my daughter who has been helping me out with some stuff. I am still living with my parents so I have no bills per say just a few things that are needed.
I did quit smoking 3 months ago,before we found out she was pregnant. Timed that perfect and I won't go back to smoking. I did try to smoke one a month ago and it was nasty and made me physically sick to my stomach. I managed to kick a 27 year habit using a vape. I still use it but not when I am around my girlfriend and I will be done with it before the baby is born. I can cut back on the amount of nicotine and have already took one step down pretty easily. I'll make another cut in a few months.
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Old 10-02-2017, 12:55 PM   #2
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Default Re: Having a child after 40

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Originally Posted by Shawn76 View Post
My girlfriend is 3 months pregnant and this will be her first child. I have my 2 still with me. They know and are excited to be having a brother or sister coming in mid April. I didn't expect it so soon,but I know I could of avoided it but didn't so I will be 41 and raising another child. Not that I'm complaining any,I kind of miss having a little one around again.
Our relationship has been good and we haven't had any arguments or break ups.
Kids like her and vice versa,I think my son talks to her more then I do sometimes which is a huge step for him.
So I'm looking for some advice for parenting after 40. It's been a few years since I have had to change diapers or listen for a baby to wake up. I'll be the one getting up at night since she has to get up so early for work.
I'm not working yet,waiting to see what disability is going to rule on before I try to work again. I had a very bad car accident and haven't been the same since. Rear ended by someone who was doing about 60mph while I was sitting at a dead stop in a Toyota Prius. I think the hearing went well,but never know until I get the letter in the mail in the next few weeks. If denied I already have a job I can get,but I know I will be killing myself doing the work. It's been a rough few years and my body doesn't bounce back like it did when I was younger. Sure I filed a lawsuit against the person who hit me,but that will probably cover medical and lawyer fees only,anything left buys baby stuff and money for my kids,especially my daughter who has been helping me out with some stuff. I am still living with my parents so I have no bills per say just a few things that are needed.
I did quit smoking 3 months ago,before we found out she was pregnant. Timed that perfect and I won't go back to smoking. I did try to smoke one a month ago and it was nasty and made me physically sick to my stomach. I managed to kick a 27 year habit using a vape. I still use it but not when I am around my girlfriend and I will be done with it before the baby is born. I can cut back on the amount of nicotine and have already took one step down pretty easily. I'll make another cut in a few months.
Really? Just really. My only advice to you is be prepared to be a zombie. Sleep when you can. And some hospitals offer a pre labor tour and simple parenting advice regarding sleeping positions for baby, cops can check to make sure you properly installed carseat, etc etc.

I just have to say use birth control next time. You are still with your parents and have been a trainwreck for so long this isn't fair to your girlfriend or your kids but you already did the deed.
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Old 11-04-2017, 07:51 AM   #3
Shawn76 Male
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Default Re: Having a child after 40

Actually it's been the opposite. This relationship is not the trainwrecks from the past.
I'd be depriving the kids and her if we didn't stay together. Even if she wasn't pregnant, I would still be with her.
My kids talk to her just about everyday if we don't hang out or go to dinner. She doesn't push them away or ignore them and shows them a lot more attention then their mom has for the past 9 years. I didn't ask her to,this is the relationship her and the kids built on their own. They are happy for a change with who I am with and it has made things a lot better for both of us,especially with my son since he finally came out and talked about how he felt about his mom and what she done.
Me and her have not had an argument about anything. I have zero trust issues with her,which I didn't think I would ever get through my past and what I put me and the kids through. I can admit the past was bad for me but I finally found someone who not only makes me happy but my kids happy and vice versa.
We should be closing on a house any day now so we can get the nursery ready for the new baby. And that's another thing,I expected some sort of backlash from my kids for having another kid,but they both have been excited about it and my son keeps asking what she is having. Do you know how hard it could of been for my kids to accept the changes that are coming or having trust with someone I am with? They proved me wrong.
I know I made many mistakes in the past,but this is not a mistake this time. Yeah the baby wasn't planned and she has no kids,but it happened and I'm not walking away. I'll do more then my share of taking care of it when she returns to work after having it.
So despite what my past was, that's where I'm leaving it.
I have no trust issues with her,we don't argue and my kids like her and she enjoys being around my kids. And yes I know we haven't lived together yet,but nothing will change. She's more of the quite shy type and not a mean person in any way. I can't ask for a better person to be with so for once,I made the right decisions after everything that has happened in the past.
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