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Old 02-24-2013, 11:17 PM   #1
Shawn76 Male
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Default Need some advice

Since me and my wife married last year,we gave all the kids a choice on how they wanted to address us. My son started calling my wife mom pretty much from day 1.He only calls her by her real name when he mad. My daughter just calls my wife by her name,My step daughter is where the problem is.She just recently called me dad but has always referred to me as dad but never directly to me. That isn't the problem and I am glad she feels comfortable enough to call me dad.Like I said,it is their choice on what to say.
The other day,my wife was talking to her sister on the phone and her sister was yelling at her because my step daughter referred to me as dad.My step daughter knows I am not her real dad,my wife was curious and asked her what she thought and her answer was,he is not the same color as me,he can't be my dad.The kid is smart and she didn't say that to be mean towards me.But my wife wanted to ask her because she has never asked about her real dad.
Anyways back to the point. I found out this happened and so I took my step daughter to another room and asked her what happened and how she felt about it all. She told me her aunt told her to not call me dad because I am not her dad.It upset her and she was almost crying about it. I reminded her that we told her she has a choice on what she wants to call me and that there is no wrong way on what she calls me and no punishment if she never calls me dad.I did tell he that her aunt was wrong about what she told her and that if you feel like you want to call me dad,then no one will stop you from doing so.I did make sure that she knows that even if she doesn't,she will not be treated any differently then my kids.
The other night when she came and gave me a hug before bed she said good night dad.I was happy she finally said that to me for the first time. That meant a lot to me knowing she is slowly getting comfortable with the whole living situation. She has never had a father figure in her life and I understand it was a big change for her and all of us to be honest.
I think she wants to call me dad more,but her aunt has scared her into not saying it to me. That part makes me really mad that she interferes with our family life at home. I don't take it out on my step daughter and I treat her as if she was one of my own kids.
Now I am trying to find a way to tell her sister that she needs to keep her nose out of our business and we have things under control wit the kids. I will admit I am very over protective of all three of my kids and will tell people how it is if they tell me how to do something or put things into their heads. The whole problem here is my wife's sister doesn't like me and it's a mutual thing,I don't care much for her,but I have not gotten in the way of her talking to her every morning before school or her picking her up to go places. That's not how it should work.I try to encourage it as much as possible. My step daughter is close with her aunt and I would never do anything to get in the way of that,even after everything that has been said the last few years between us.Only the kids will suffer being alienated like that.
So what advice can be given so that my wife's sister knows that she is crossing the line with getting in the way of how my step daughter feels about me.Me and my step daughter have a good bond like I do with my kids. I wouldn't trade all this for a million bucks.
Things have gotten better since we moved in together and gotten married and I am not about to get a divorce because of one drama queen in law. I'm sure everyone knows how bad mine and my wife's relationship was at one time and now it's not like that.We have been doing much better and talking more about everything and my wife said if she knew that I was the kind of person I was after we met,things probably would of moved faster then they did between us.I told her that was ok sine she has trust issues from previous relationships and I knew it was going to take time for both of us to adjust and since it has,things couldn't be better with us.
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Old 02-24-2013, 11:56 PM   #2
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Default Re: Need some advice

Ignore the sister and keep doing what you are doing, Shawn. Nobody can take that comfort she is feeling away. In the end if she only calls you dad when kissing good ight so be it...what a cool thing you both have You're building wonderful memories for both of you too. I can just picture her telling the story of saying good night dad to her kids someday.
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Old 02-25-2013, 12:27 AM   #3
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Default Re: Need some advice

You knew the sister was an issue. If I remember correctly, well, she was an issue before the two of you married. So you do need to ignore and go from there.
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Old 02-25-2013, 01:39 AM   #4
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Default Re: Need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSL View Post
You knew the sister was an issue. If I remember correctly, well, she was an issue before the two of you married. So you do need to ignore and go from there.
Yeah she has always been a problem since day one. It doesn't mater what I do,I am still the bad person in her eyes and only because she can no longer have any control over my wife or step daughter.She is a control freak and doesn't want anyone happy since she isn't happy herself and never will be. My wife has joked that she doesn't like me cause I wouldn't give her the time of day as far as dating her before me and my wife got married. I try not to let it bother me,but feel she has no place to be telling my step daughter not to call me dad.It was left up to my step daughter and that will never change. I guess that that is what makes me mad the most. My step daughter is getting more comfortable around me and no it doesn't bother me is she uses my name or calls me dad.I will always treat her the same way. she is just like my own kid.
My wife did mention me adopting her in the future,but I am unsure of doing that.If I done it,it would have to be for the right reasons,not what my wife has in mind,and that is to make her sister even more mad. Doing that to a child and playing with emotions is a huge no no.
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