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Old 06-28-2015, 11:54 PM   #1
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Default Gratitude

Any ideas how to get the concept into a spoiled 5 year old?
She's driving me crazy with her "slighted" attitude.
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Old 06-29-2015, 01:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: Gratitude

No instant fixes.......sorry. Just keep explaining the how and why she should be grateful and eventually she will see it.
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Old 06-29-2015, 10:35 AM   #3
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Default Re: Gratitude

muskiedad right, we just have to keep explaining and teach, this will go on the whole child hood.

different things can be done at different stages/ages of growth/years.
@ 5

is when I started with reminding my kids to say thank you, yes mam, and no sirs (with the stern look that said, you should no this by now, as I had already started this around 3/4yrs) and write thank you cards and they were expected at the dinner table, when we said thanks to also include three things they thought were good for the day, and why they appreciated it.
Dinner also helped in their thinking of cause & effects in their interaction with others too.
from 5 - 10
I would tell stories with the subject/topic how I "Recognized" that someone has gone out of the way for me, and how I do that for others, or stories from a day of from my childhood when i was shown or gave kindness, and kids love hearing story about their parents too. I did this in the car driving them to school, or friends houses etc.

summer before middle school, i could take them with me to help in volunteering.
for example, at the food banks and kitchens to hand out and help others with food.
and in that summer i would have my child go through their elementary stuff like toys clothes books, and we would bring them to either thrift shop to them to sell, and/or donate. I would call this milestone "making room for the new and older mature you" stage


this seem to work for me. hope it helps
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:33 AM   #4
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love Re: Gratitude

1. Model and teach gratitude

Our children want to be like us. We provide the blueprint for what to say and what to do and in what contexts. Expressing gratitude through words, writing, and small gifts or acts of reciprocity are all ways to teach children how to become grateful. Doing this will help make your appreciation for the goodness in your life more public, showing your kids that blessings abound and that being thankful is a valued attitude. Adults can promote gratitude directly in children by helping them appraise the benefits they receive from others—the personal value of those benefits, the altruistic intention of people providing them, and the cost to those people. This helps kids think gratefully.


2. Spend time with your kids and be mindful when with them

Another way to spell love is T-I-M-E. Believe it or not, children and, yes, even adolescents, like being with their parents. Giving a child a lot of quality time with you teaches them the language of love—life’s greatest gift. Savor every moment together, big and small, and rid yourself of distractions at such times, including your smartphone. Being mindful helps you maintain empathy toward a child, and this provides important modeling of empathy, the most important emotion for developing gratitude and moral behavior. It will also give you and your child a heightened sense of appreciation for the things both of you love and for your relationship.
3. Support your child’s autonomy

Using an authoritative or democratic parenting style, which is firm, yet flexible, sup- ports children’s autonomy. This will enhance family relationships, improve the atmosphere at home, and help bring out their strengths and talents, all good for making grateful kids. By taking ownership over their skills and talents and being responsible for developing them, children gain things to appreciate in life and make it easier to attract support from others, thus inviting gratitude into their daily life. Also, limiting children’s media consumption and guiding them to use media in prosocial ways protects them from commercial influences that discourage the development of the authenticity, self-development, and social interaction necessary to grow into positive, purposeful, grateful individuals.
4. Use kids’ strengths to fuel gratitude

After you’ve identified your children’s top strengths and you know their unique strengths profile, you should encourage and help them to use those strengths whenever possible. Not only does this open up opportunities for others to contribute to the things your children love, but it also enables your children to strengthen their ability to be helpful and cooperative toward others, which will make them more grateful. To directly promote gratitude, encourage and help your children to use their strengths to thank and be kind to others.
5. Help focus and support kids to achieve intrinsic goals

It’s very easy for people, especially youth, to pursue extrinsic—or materialistic—goals such as desiring or having possessions that show wealth, status, or convey a certain image. This usually leads to less fulfilling social relationships and forecloses prospects for developing deep connections with others and genuine gratitude. It’s our job to steer them away from pursuing extrinsic goals and toward pursuing intrinsic goals, such as engaging in activities that provide community, affiliation, and growth. Not only will successfully achieving these goals fulfill children’s fundamental human needs of competency, belongingness, and autonomy, but their personal development, happiness, success, and gratitude depend on it. To amplify their gratitude even more, remember to savor their accomplishments with them along the way, and encourage them to thank those who’ve helped them meet their goals.
6. Encourage helping others and nurturing relationships

Helping others and being generous are two key ingredients for making grateful kids. When children lend a hand, especially while using their strengths, they feel more connected to those they’re helping, which helps them to develop and nurture friendships and social relationships. A great way to do this is by teaching them through your actions that other people matter and that tending to relationships should be a priority. To help children strengthen their relationships, you should encourage them to be thoughtful of others, to thank others regularly, and to be cooperative, helpful, and giving.
7. Help kids find what matters to them

Having a sense of purpose in life gives youth a compass for creating a meaningful life. As adults, it’s our job to help kids discover their passions and to find a path to purpose that resonates with them— with their values, interests, and dreams. This starts with feeding their interests in the social issues they care about and pushing them to learn as much as they can about those issues and discover ways they can make a difference. The deepest sense of gratitude in life comes from connecting to a bigger picture, to an issue that matters to others and doing things that contribute to society down the road.
Trying to make grateful kids isn’t just an issue for families; it’s an issue for society as well. Society desperately needs to harness the power of gratitude. As our world becomes more culturally diverse and digitally connected, and as complex societal problems mount, gratitude may help catalyze the motivation and skills youth need to succeed not just academically but in the “life test” too. We must all do our part to help kids develop into moral adults, who will contribute to a world of compassion and care. But, while there’s no quick fix for cultivating gratitude in young people, the more we remain committed to it, the more rewards we’ll reap. Indeed, by bringing out the best in our kids, we can only imagine what blessings Generation Grateful could bring. Anything worthwhile takes a lot of time and effort. It’s up to all of us to make it happen.


Source:
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/arti...titude_in_kids


Video:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...aiviqKiw2iWuZ0




hope this helps
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Old 06-29-2015, 11:54 AM   #5
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Default Re: Gratitude

Can you elaborate on what you mean by "slighted" attitude?
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Old 06-29-2015, 01:38 PM   #6
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Default Re: Gratitude

Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherBoard View Post
muskiedad right, we just have to keep explaining and teach, this will go on the whole child hood.

s
And beyond..... I still remind my boys to be respectful to others and say please and thank you. And to appreciate what you have.
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Old 06-29-2015, 05:08 PM   #7
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Default Re: Gratitude

Hang in there zmom! I'm in the same boat. she will get it in time--keep reinforcing the positive behavior and emulating graciousness and kindness. <3 Hugs!!
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Old 06-29-2015, 07:16 PM   #8
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Default Re: Gratitude

I try to abide by the list provided, and am so looking forward to the age I can bring her with me to volunteer, and MB, I do give her the "you should know this by now look", for she had better manners at age 2 & 3.
I guess I'm not seeing the result (wishing for instant gratification I guess) of what feels like being ever vigilant on manners and such.

What I mean by the feeling slighted attitude is that when we drive by a place she wants to go there's a sigh with musical ohh-uh. It happens every time she doesn't get what she wants or do what she wants to do. It's getting under my skin real fast!

Here's an example:
Z wakes up.
me "hey bay bay! Good moring-would you like eggs for breakfast?"
Z "No. I want cereal."
me "We're out of cereal."
Z "There was some there last night! (whining)."
me "MiMi must have had some, scrambled or like an eyeball?"
Z cops an attitude rolling her eyes and sighing and walks away with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Now, part of me wants to march her back into the room by her ear while explaining (ok, ranting) to her the concept of hunger and how great full she should be that she has NEVER gone to bed with a rumble in her tummy like a lot of children in this world-and throw the eggs that are in the pan cooking out in the sink and let her go hungry for the day.

Err..um, yeah. That's where I'm at with her right now.

So how I deal with it in reality is ignoring it and watch her eat the flippn' eggs when put in front of her. I mean I guess I could stop talking with her and just set breakfast down in front of her-but again, this is just an example.

It just seems that she always wants more than what she has (if we're at the park, she has to pout and wish she had friends there. If we're having an ice cream cone she wishes she had 2. When we're swimming she wishes she had the goggles we saw at the store that day instead of the ones she has....UGH!)

This example is one thing out of endless examples that I can give.
I wonder, is it that she is 5?

I make gratitude a daily practice for myself, and have hoped that by that example it may rub off-but not yet.
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Old 06-30-2015, 10:14 AM   #9
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Default Re: Gratitude

Zomom,

I loved your examples. I have a 12 yr old that can suck the life out of a room, by always looking at the negative in the present moment. Exactly, like your examples.

I point out the positives in the moment and say, "I am happy with my cone. Perfect"

"I am happy that you have a pair of goggles to use"

"I am happy that you have alone time to enjoy your company"

I usually only comment one time and then leave them to think about it. Every now and then I mention that their comment is negative, and tends to cause other people to experience negative vibes around them.

As far as the eggs, let her wake up and problem solve the no cereal. I always, told my kids there is a ton of food in this house, pick something creative
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