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Old 09-22-2004, 03:44 PM   #1
jorge45
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I am a divorce father of four daughters, two of whom are attending college. My other two daughters are 10 and 15. They now leave with their mother and her boyfriend in Newark, Ohio. She is re-marring this fall. I have not seen them in over 14 months. I speak with them over the phone at least two times a week. Our conversations are always happy and we laugh a lot. They seem to have adjusted well to their new life. However, I miss them so much and I know they miss me too. Nonetheless, I am heartbroken because I am not there to be their father. The guilt I feel weighs heavy and it�s destroying me. While my wife and I were separated, we lived in Pittsburgh. I was working and renting an apartment. However, she began dating and soon asked for a divorce. This devastated me and drained me emotionally. It wasn�t long before it affected my job performance. Subsequently I was let go. Now out of a job, I had nowhere to go and could no longer afford my apartment. I was a mess. My brother in Texas, knowing what I was going through, convinced me to move there with him. I agreed only because I needed support and had none. All the while I was depressed and emotionally drained. While in Texas, I tried working but could not hold a job for long. My divorce took everything out of me. It�s now been over a year and I am still struggling. While I no longer find myself crying, I am having a difficult time finding work. At times I feel completely numb and worthless. I need to work and save the money so I can move to Ohio and continue being a father to my two young daughters. Sometimes I feel as though time is my enemy because they are growing fast. I raised my children well and worked hard to put my wife through college. I know in my heart I did the best I could to be a good father and husband. I now suffer without my children. At present I don't have the money it would take to move there. I know I have to become employed, in order to save the money I need to relocate. If anyone reading this message is from Ohio. How's the job market there? I don't have a marketable skill but have experience in Auto Sales and customer service. I am also bi-lingual in Spanish. Any suggestions? Thank you all in advance.
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Old 09-22-2004, 03:44 PM   #2
jorge45
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I am a divorce father of four daughters, two of whom are attending college. My other two daughters are 10 and 15. They now leave with their mother and her boyfriend in Newark, Ohio. She is re-marring this fall. I have not seen them in over 14 months. I speak with them over the phone at least two times a week. Our conversations are always happy and we laugh a lot. They seem to have adjusted well to their new life. However, I miss them so much and I know they miss me too. Nonetheless, I am heartbroken because I am not there to be their father. The guilt I feel weighs heavy and it�s destroying me. While my wife and I were separated, we lived in Pittsburgh. I was working and renting an apartment. However, she began dating and soon asked for a divorce. This devastated me and drained me emotionally. It wasn�t long before it affected my job performance. Subsequently I was let go. Now out of a job, I had nowhere to go and could no longer afford my apartment. I was a mess. My brother in Texas, knowing what I was going through, convinced me to move there with him. I agreed only because I needed support and had none. All the while I was depressed and emotionally drained. While in Texas, I tried working but could not hold a job for long. My divorce took everything out of me. It�s now been over a year and I am still struggling. While I no longer find myself crying, I am having a difficult time finding work. At times I feel completely numb and worthless. I need to work and save the money so I can move to Ohio and continue being a father to my two young daughters. Sometimes I feel as though time is my enemy because they are growing fast. I raised my children well and worked hard to put my wife through college. I know in my heart I did the best I could to be a good father and husband. I now suffer without my children. At present I don't have the money it would take to move there. I know I have to become employed, in order to save the money I need to relocate. If anyone reading this message is from Ohio. How's the job market there? I don't have a marketable skill but have experience in Auto Sales and customer service. I am also bi-lingual in Spanish. Any suggestions? Thank you all in advance.
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Old 09-22-2004, 07:36 PM   #3
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Hi Jorge,
Sorry that you are having such a hard time. I know you're hurt but you can't keep wallowing in sorrow. It looks like you need to pull yourself together and move on...I know it hurts, but for the sake of your girls you have to snap out of it. Go talk to a pschologist if you have to. You'll be ok but not until you accept the fact that your ex has moved on. A job will help take your mind off of things too. You have to focus on finding a job now. You sound like a nice person ...don't let it keep bringing you down. It's been over a year already and you are right...Your girls aren't going to get younger. You have to help yourself, so you can see your girls again. I'm sure they miss you. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for them.


Have you tried looking for bi-lingual jobs. Airports, hospitals? I have a friend who speaks German, and got a job at the airport translating for flights that went to Germany. She went all around the different areas of the airport doing this for different flights. She also got discounts on flights to places she wanted to go.
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Old 09-24-2004, 01:32 PM   #4
jorge45
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Thank you so much Thinker,
You are right in saying that I need to get myself together. Its no longer the pain of my divorce that hurts, as much as not being there for my young children. Although my depression drained me and changed me as a person, I believe that I have overcome it, and have become stronger. While my children and I are apart, what can I do to maintain a strong and loving relationship? I write them often and speak with them on the phone every week. However, it just don't seem like enough. Any ideas? Thanks Tinker, hope to hear from you or anyone with new ideas.
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Old 09-24-2004, 02:34 PM   #5
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Also, if you do want to go into some type of therapy, a lot of churches provide that service free of cost. That's a therapists that attends a church in my town and he offers free services to all the members. Just a suggestion incase money is a problem.
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Old 09-24-2004, 07:01 PM   #6
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HI Jorge,
It sounds like you are doing everything to communicate with your daughters that you can do. I am glad to hear that you think you have overcome the depression. Although Gabriel's Mom had a good idea about checking out therapy...They say divorce can be like a death in the family. It can be very stressful. It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone and put it into perspective. Once you get a job and have the money to see your girls maybe they can come down to Texas to see you at Christmastime. That gives you a couple months to save. Anyway...just my thoughts. Take care
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