Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey help with kindergartner - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parenting - Through The Ages¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Babes, Children & Teens > Mid Childhood: 4 - 10


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-17-2011, 03:10 PM   #1
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 153
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default help with kindergartner

it's week 2 of the separation and i think it's kind of finally sinking in with my d. she does have some consistency--talks with stbe every night for about 5-10 minutes. they also had a great time last saturday, and this friday is a holiday, which is his, so he gets them both friday and saturday. her days are pretty routine, there's not much i can do to up-end the routine, because of school/work/dinner/sleeptime schedule, etc...

d is starting to act out more, and i'm sure it's because of this big change, and maybe it's her age, too. she's also more tired (recently started kindergarten, which she absolutely adores, thank goodness). for the most part, she's still her happy, 5 year old self--you can tell she loves her teachers and school, last night was singing a song she learned during dinner...

just...seems like she's pushing the boundaries more and more. have to remind her to listen to me (i.e. sit down at the table, brush your teeth,--have to repeat myself a lot, more than before, etc.), to use her 'nice' voice (she's been getting grumpy and frustrated and yelling sometimes). grandma picks her up from school, and also noticed that d is getting more sassy. ?

i keep sending the same message: it's okay to be upset and mad, but it's NOT okay to [kick, hit, talk mean, yell, etc]. mind you, she's not really kicking anyone, more like stamping her foot and kicking the air.

i guess--i know she's frustrated and upset and angry about everything, so i want to support her having her feelings, just trying to figure out how to address the negative behavior...

and i don't want to be the 'hammer' considering all that's going on, but have gotten pretty firm with her, too...i.e. consequences for her actions--like, if you don't get in bed right now (this is the 3 - 4 time i've asked her) then no book tonight. (which i then feel like a heel about--she loves books, arrgh!) or, you have to finish your zucchini or no popsicle (duh..and she did, but...). i feel like i get caught in a power struggle, and really, i want her to be able to have her feelings...but then how to address the behavior?

sorry for the long post. any ideas...maybe i need to be more firm? other ideas on how to let you kid 'express' their emotions, but help them redirect their behavior?

or am i just overreacting here? thank you...
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2011, 03:29 PM   #2
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 409
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: help with kindergartner

Remember, she is grieving. This is going to take a long time to do this. Patience and consistency is the key.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2011, 06:01 PM   #3
mykidisfirst Female
Social Director

 
mykidisfirst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Tampa
Posts: 1,392
Rep Power: 142
mykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant future
Default Re: help with kindergartner

I see that you are taking privileges away when she acts up. I do the same. However when I want it to appear that it really is about the choices my child makes. I give him a little reward. I guess I really do need a reward chart. Yes, I will make up one this weekend. I will call it the big boy chart. I will put 4 things on it that I want him to choose to do every day without me asking him.
1.- Make sure his school clothes and back pack are ready to go every night and placed in designated area.
2.-Make sure he has his eating area cleaned- plate taken to kitchen and trash thrown away.
3. Dirty clothes in hamper
4. Clean out lunch pack and put in kitchen.

I think those are easy enough fo my kindergartner. The prize for doing it all week. He will get tpo pick out a Redbox Movie on Friday night! When he goes to his dad I will give him a $1 to buy something extra with.

Maybe that will work for your little one too.
__________________
Don't mistake my silence for ignorance and don't mistake my calmness for acceptance. Just beware of what lies ahead.......
mykidisfirst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2011, 06:54 PM   #4
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 153
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: help with kindergartner

thank you mykidisfirst! i do give her lots of love and praise when she does 'choose' to do something correctly...

i.e. watching cartoons (tv crack)...before i let her watch, i ask her what the rules are--(listen to mommy, and no being grumpy, when it's time to turn off). she started to get mad when i turned it off, embarked on the whiny/grumpy voice, and when i reminded her, 'remember what you said before we turned on the tv?' and then she completely self-corrected, and 'said, oh yes, mommy!" and then off we were to the next thing. a few moments later, i gave her a hug and said thanked her for remembering to use her nice voice.

and when we just happen to be having a nice time, i do tell her--mommy is so happy right now, because we're having fun and we're using our nice voices, doesn't that feel good?--etc., etc.,

i don't know, is that too over the top with the praise? i know the tigermom would not agree, .

thanks for the idea about the chart!
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2011, 06:59 PM   #5
idig Female
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 305
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: help with kindergartner

Positive reinforcement is not over the top at all in my opinion.

It sounds like you are doing the right things to me. It is soooo easy to feel guilty and sorry for them and overcompensate or excuse bad behavior. You can know why a child is having a tough time without letting them get by with bad behavior because of it. I used the "it's ok to be angry/sad/frustrated but it is not ok to blah" a lot. The thing is she really needs the boundaries right now, along with lots of hugs and reassurance. I think it's great you point out the natural rewards of behaving (it feeling good, things going smoothly) in addition to privileges for good behavior. Good job, mama!!!
__________________
Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2011, 04:26 AM   #6
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 153
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: help with kindergartner

aww, thanks so much idig!

tonight went a lot better...hardly any of the grumpy/outbursts/misbehavior. it was soooo nice...right as she was going to bed i told her how nice it was...that mommy was so happy that she used her nice voice all night long and wasn't it fun? and so cute, for the first time ever, baby sister climbed into bed with her for a little while. the two of them cuddled up...so sweet. sigh...

so i guess i should remember that not only am i feeling the roller coaster, but so is she...and to be patient and consistent and keep up the routine...

hugs. thanks you guys, so glad i found this place!!!
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2011, 08:46 AM   #7
mykidisfirst Female
Social Director

 
mykidisfirst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Tampa
Posts: 1,392
Rep Power: 142
mykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant future
Default Re: help with kindergartner

aw that is so nice.
__________________
Don't mistake my silence for ignorance and don't mistake my calmness for acceptance. Just beware of what lies ahead.......
mykidisfirst is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:23 AM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.