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Old 08-20-2011, 05:49 PM   #1
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Default well, this sucks....

At a B-day party with Bubba. All the kids are behaving like heathens (even Bubba, despite several talks). I don't know any of the parents, none of the kids are from his school.

What sucks is I never know when to step in an discipline someone else's heathen. I'm fine disciplining mine, but never sure about others.

For example Bubba and one of the other kids were rough housing. Nothing bad, something I was a-ok with. However, I did tell Bubba to knock it off, which he did. However, taking two to tango, it started right back up.

What should I do? It wasn't anything near violent. However, another parent jumped in the middle and broke it up.

Shit. I never know what to do.
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Old 08-20-2011, 05:56 PM   #2
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

You aren't alone. I am never sure either and unless I know the other kids VERY well I have a hard time. I usually just grab mine if it is an issue I don't know how to stop.
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Old 08-20-2011, 05:58 PM   #3
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

yeah. I would grab my child and give them a small time out by me after the first talking too. Usually that would stop things after the first watching all the other kids play thing
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

But perpetually punishing Bubba for someone else's actions isn't the solution. If he's the instigator or offending party, no problem. It's when he's the offended. Or co-conspirator.

I'm gonna become a hermit. It's easier
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:07 PM   #5
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I have zero problem getting in and breaking it up. Just say "hey you guys need to either play with this or that and stop the rough housing before someone gets hurt" or some thing to that effect.
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:14 PM   #6
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

You also have no problem laughing at a guy in distress.
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:21 PM   #7
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

True......
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I have no problem stopping it either. I also tell mine that since sos and so is not playing nice to go play with someone else.
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:25 PM   #9
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I am with Idig, I have no problem addressing all the kids involved!!
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:25 PM   #10
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Oh and hey introduce yourself to the parents- especially the heathen.
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:39 PM   #11
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I don't introduce myself to anyone. Honestly.
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:43 PM   #12
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Really. So how do you normally start a conversation with a stranger?
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:47 PM   #13
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Does not bother me to tell kids to settle down and when behavior is not appropriate.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:04 PM   #14
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I suspect you wouldn't dad.

I think part of it is that my thoughts and ideas of right and wrong differ from society. Or at least the society I live in daily. I'm much more laid back than most. I see nothing wrong with letting boys be boys. But I know others do. So what's the cut off point? It's a fluid thing. And I never know when that point is reached in the eyes of others.

---------- Post added at 06:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:00 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by mykidisfirst View Post
Really. So how do you normally start a conversation with a stranger?
I don't. Unless I'm approached, or introduced, I sit quietly in the corner.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:15 PM   #15
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

It's hard to imagine BD being quiet, isn't it?
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:15 PM   #16
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I know how you feel, I was in this situation last weekend! We were at a bluegrass festival n the "dancing" area and there were all kinds of kids running around with no visable parental counterparts. They kept inciting my d to do things she isn't allowed, and I felt like a heal making her stop over and over. She didn't understand why they could run around like that, and she couldn't.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:17 PM   #17
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

yeah it is. Mine boundary isn't necessarily fluid- but will they bruise.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:32 PM   #18
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

By fluid, I mean mine is different than yours.
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Old 08-20-2011, 07:53 PM   #19
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba'sDad View Post
I don't introduce myself to anyone. Honestly.
BD-I'd never picked u for reserved or an introvert, we are very similar in that respect. I personally would just speak to my kid.
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Old 08-20-2011, 08:00 PM   #20
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Definition of introvert in real life.
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Old 08-20-2011, 08:26 PM   #21
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

yeah, I guess I do jump in and stop things too..... even when my kid is not involved... LOL. Mostly at church.

Where to draw the line? Well, if your kid is not bullying and more responding, if you aren't bleeding and bruising each other and they are not disturbing every single person around them... they are being boys.
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Old 08-20-2011, 10:11 PM   #22
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I use the standard of if its gonna require a trip to the emergency room then we don't do it. I also look at my girl to see if she is looking for me to step in. If she looks upset or confused about how to handle it, then I say something. Otherwise, I try to let her sort it out. I know she isn't always going to have Mom around to run to her rescue.
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Old 08-21-2011, 12:14 PM   #23
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Well, if it's a two to tango deal...and you've gotten after your own kid once...and the other starts right bak at Bubba, then it is time to simply say something to the other kid. Unfortunately you can't say anything to the other parent (unless it is a really close friend) so if that warning doesn't keep them away, it might be time to remove Bubba from the area completely.
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Old 08-21-2011, 12:26 PM   #24
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I disagree with TDR. I would definitely say something to the other parent if things were getting out of hand. I would hope another parent would tell me if my child was being a bully or acting out. Especially at the younger ages. I also think more parents are like Bubba they are introverted in those kind of environments. They might want to say something, but they are not sure when too. When you say something it migt trigger the other parents to say something.
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Old 08-21-2011, 12:45 PM   #25
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I should add.... appropriate for the location and situation. At home it is appropriate to wear eye protection when playing AirSoft in the tree line. Nerf battles in the house have different rules. NO running in the house, but crawling across the room to sneak up and "surprise" another is OK,unless GrandMa is visiting.
At Church, expectations of behavior are raised. School... I let the school set a clearly explained set of standards.

By the way if visiting my place and someone yells duck, don't look up to see why.... C's DS did that and caught the nerf battleaxe in the face, small scar left. blood cleaned up and all boys off and running again.
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Old 08-21-2011, 01:16 PM   #26
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

Ftr, I understand how you felt. I really do. I would've felt like I had failed to pass some parental fitness test or some kind of thing like that too...at least I would have felt like THEY thought that. The other parents.

Rest assured, you did nothing wrong. The situation could have gone alot of different ways and things could have been much worse for you if you had stepped in and "disciplined" anothers child.
People can get really weird about that kind of thing.

Now, because of my job I lay the law down with others peoples children all the time. I HAVE to. And sometimes they come back by snottily informing me that I am not their parent and they don't have to listen to me.
Now, this would be mildly amusing if not for the fact that they are 100% serious. They have been told that they do not have to listen to anyone but the parent. Ever. The parent will back them up 100%. And they do.

Fortunately, I can still get the kid removed from the bus...yeah, how's that workin out for ya there, Superdad?

In the case of children I don't know, or even parents present whom I don't know, I would really hesitate, though.
Once I was walking some children across a driveway into a church. One child was one of these, "I don't have to listen to you" kids.
First, he refused to leave the playground with the rest of us. Then, when he did, he tried to dart out in front of all these cars that were leaving the church. I reached out and grabbed his arm.
He commenced screaming like a banshee'. "Get you hands off me! How dare you put your hands on me! I'm telling my mother what you did to me and she's gonna get you in big trouble!!!"

I was mortified...and more than a little annoyed with the mother - cause she was well know for basically ignoring her kids and letting them run wild and now it's apparent that she has also successfully prevented anyone else from asserting an ounce of control over them.
There were reasons for her malfunction, but still....she went WAAAAYYYYYY overboard.
What if he had gotten hit by a car? Who would have been blamed for that???

So, now, in your shoes I would have done pretty much exactly what you did. If they had been getting too rough for my liking, I would have removed MY son...if warnings to him (but clearly heard by the other child...maybe even a "hey guys, if ya'll don't tone it down"...) went unheeded.

Then again, Ethan never roughhouses with anyone. He's so delicate, .
He'll throw a game controler at your head, though...
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Old 08-21-2011, 01:32 PM   #27
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

I guess it depends on who you are and where you've been! I, like Blue, have worked with kids a lot in the past. I taught montessori, I had an in home childcare license, and I worked in the lunch rooms of schools. It is your job in those positions to keep another's kid in line by simple "words of expectation" given. I wouldn't ever do anything beyond vocally asking the child to follow the rules of the location which we were in unless given specific permission.

Funny too, people who are in church (at least where I come from) recognize that other elders may correct their children. If an older person in my church sees my kid crawling under the pews, they will and are even encouraged to ask them to please be respectful.

I have 3 kids, one of me. It is possible one or two of them are misbehaving and I simply miss it. If someone came up to me to say "so and so just touched my kid" over and over again, I'd look at them with a perplexed-well-do-something-about-it look! If it's bothering them or their kid that much, the kid and the parent need to learn to assert themselves and use their words to express dislike. Parents can set this example. Otherwise, kids learn only to be 'tattle tales'. JMO.

1. Kid uses words to say it is inappropriate.
2. Parent/adult present corrects.
3. Parent/adult present discusses lack of listening skills and misbehavior with the parent of the child.

---------- Post added at 10:32 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:30 AM ----------

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"hey guys, if ya'll don't tone it down".
That's pretty much what I would say too.
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Old 08-21-2011, 04:47 PM   #28
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

when my kids play with others which isnt very often, sad i know, im that anti social . but they do know what i expect, no rough housing, hitting, biting and anything else hurtful. when a kids does provoke them they usually go do something else. or they will play with each other they know each others boundaries and well i know kids will be kids especially if there sibling.

but i do let other parents know that if my kids do something to there kids speak up to my kids or tell me about it ill take care of it, i usually get to "please do the same with my kids"... or the look like did she really just say i can yell at her kid.

i feel if parents know that they can speak up to other parents about there kids it easier to do without feeling like ur stepping on there toes. i have had a good response to this at least.
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:37 PM   #29
muskiedad Male
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Default Re: well, this sucks....

BD sitting quietly in a corner? Wow, the internet empowers us LOL. BD I'm much the same! However with the kids, I step in. First offence is dealt with solely with my own child. Second one the other pagans (Canadian heathens) get told off too.
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