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Old 07-04-2004, 11:12 AM   #1
C.J
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Hi,Im 18 years old and I have an 18 month old daughter named Destiny.Her mother and split up before we found out she was pregnant.I was around for almost the whole pregnancy.Itried to help her out financially whenever I could but it was hard because I didnt have a job at the time,so I tried to make money the illegal way and got caught and had to serve time in a juvenile prison.my little girl was born december 27 the day after my birthday.Her mother wouldnt even bring her to see me .I didnt get to see my daughter for the first six months of her lifeand when I did get to see her for the first time it was only for a hour in prison.Now that Im out she's done got a new boyfriend who is absolutely no good he is a drug head he is in his late 20's and been in an out of prison numerous times and she wants me to sign my rights so she could move away with him when he gets out.Im not to sure thats what I want to do.She said because our daughter dosent even know who I am but I want her to know who I am but she wont allow it.I really dont want to go to court but im not to sure if I want to do that because im not financially able to pay child support right now.What do you think I should do?null
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Old 07-04-2004, 12:43 PM   #2
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CJ, Welcome to the site.
I hope you stay away from the things that got you into trouble. That will be important if you wish to have a good relationship with your child from here out. The mother could use this sort of stuff in court to limit your contact with your daughter, besides to have a better life yourself.
My suggestion, if you don't wish to give up rights to your daughter, than don't. Look at finding work to help support her the honest way. Yes, you can go to court and may have to, to get rights to visitation that she would have to honor. And they will look at setting up child support, it would be based on your income amount. It would be best to have employment to show that you are trying to provide for your daughter. I signed away rights to my oldest daughter, 22 years old now, when she was about 6 years old. At the time I figured she was better off, since I wasn't such a great person at the time. Her mother was remarried with another child and my daughter's step dad adopted her to provide for her, health insurance and all. I have regrets about that today. I often wonder where she is, how she is.
Again, the important thing is to keep yourself out of more trouble and find some honest work so you can be a good dad and provide for her as well as form a bond with her. Good luck, let us know how you're doing.
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Old 07-04-2004, 04:57 PM   #3
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Hey Charles D. Chestang JR.

Is that really your name ? cool

I really wanted to give you an answer just because you sound like you do want to make an effort for your child, and that is rare, especially for a young man your age.

Remember:

�What we do now - and the future - is a lot more important than what we did in the past.�

Good luck to you now, and stay out of trouble, this is for Destiny.
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Old 07-04-2004, 11:03 PM   #4
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Hi there and welcome to the site. I hope you are definitely done with anything illegal. That will not help you and will only lead to more and more illegal activity. However, Red is correct in saying that the past is not what is going to dictate your future. YOU must move forward and work toward making a relationship with your daughter. It is very hard but you will appreciate your own efforts as your baby grows. Your daughter will also learn too what you do and have done for her....eventually. Fight,fight fight and work hard. I wish you the best because you do sound so genuine.
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Old 07-05-2004, 07:22 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by dsconstructs:
[qb]CJ, Welcome to the site.
I hope you stay away from the things that got you into trouble. That will be important if you wish to have a good relationship with your child from here out. The mother could use this sort of stuff in court to limit your contact with your daughter, besides to have a better life yourself.
My suggestion, if you don't wish to give up rights to your daughter, than don't. Look at finding work to help support her the honest way. Yes, you can go to court and may have to, to get rights to visitation that she would have to honor. And they will look at setting up child support, it would be based on your income amount. It would be best to have employment to show that you are trying to provide for your daughter. I signed away rights to my oldest daughter, 22 years old now, when she was about 6 years old. At the time I figured she was better off, since I wasn't such a great person at the time. Her mother was remarried with another child and my daughter's step dad adopted her to provide for her, health insurance and all. I have regrets about that today. I often wonder where she is, how she is.
Again, the important thing is to keep yourself out of more trouble and find some honest work so you can be a good dad and provide for her as well as form a bond with her. Good luck, let us know how you're doing.
Don[/qb]
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Old 07-05-2004, 08:34 AM   #6
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Whats up Don
I apreciate your advice and everything u said and deep down in my heart
I know I dont want to sign my rights over because I do love my daughter. Im just affraid that I would raise her the wrong way because I dont know how to be a father mine didnt raise me the streets raised me my father was never around.I also dont want to sign my rights over because I dont want my daughter to not know who her real father is and to think that this other man is her real daddy cause I know im a better man than he is and I dont want her to come loking for me when she is older and have all these questions for me that I really cant answer.I think im going to give it a shot though im going to try to be a father what have I got to loose but every thing.;Once agin think you for your reply and I hope things are going good between you and your daughter
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Old 07-05-2004, 08:51 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by -red-:
[qb]Hey Charles D. Chestang JR.

Is that really your name ? cool

I really wanted to give you an answer just because you sound like you do want to make an effort for your child, and that is rare, especially for a young man your age.

Remember:

�What we do now - and the future - is a lot more important than what we did in the past.�

Good luck to you now, and stay out of trouble, this is for Destiny.[/qb]
What up Red,
I wanted to thank you on your reply I agree with you on what you said what were doing is more important than what we did.Im going to stratin up my act take responsability and try to be a father.also I never rellay cared too much for my name but im glad someone thinks its cool ya heard me once agin thank you and I hope get the chance to hear from you more often
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Old 07-05-2004, 09:01 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by C.J:
[qb].........I think im going to give it a shot ....im going to try to be a father what have I got to loose .....[/qb]
I don't think so. FORGET IT. JUST FORGET IT. If you're going to TRY only, just get out of your daughter's life NOW. For her sake. If you want to be a father STOP PLAYING now, this is real life.
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Old 07-05-2004, 11:54 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by C.J:
[qb]Whats up Don
I apreciate your advice and everything u said and deep down in my heart
I know I dont want to sign my rights over because I do love my daughter. Im just affraid that I would raise her the wrong way because I dont know how to be a father mine didnt raise me the streets raised me my father was never around.I also dont want to sign my rights over because I dont want my daughter to not know who her real father is and to think that this other man is her real daddy cause I know im a better man than he is and I dont want her to come loking for me when she is older and have all these questions for me that I really cant answer.I think im going to give it a shot though im going to try to be a father what have I got to loose but every thing.;Once agin think you for your reply and I hope things are going good between you and your daughter[/qb]

CJ, I have one of my daughters, age 11 with me fulltime and things are really good, the 22 year old...well haven't seen her since I signed those papers, I also have a 17 yr old daughter that I see once in a while, she is out of state. So I do have a variety of situations with my kids, the best being the 11 yr old that I have full custody of.
If you put your heart, soul, and mind into it you can be a good dad. There is always things like this forum here to get advice on things you might need help on. Don't be so worried that you don't know exactly how to be a dad(parent) yet, none of us really did at first. You will learn much with lots of effort, it'll be a lot of work and you'll also get a lot of rewards with your daughter's love.
I really like hearing that someone younger is choosing to be responsible, I'm 42 now and wasted many of my younger adult years. Life is so much better being responsible.
Be good and let us know how you and your daughter are doing.
Don
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Old 07-05-2004, 01:21 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by -red-:
[qb]

I don't think so. FORGET IT. JUST FORGET IT. If you're going to TRY only, just get out of your daughter's life NOW. For her sake. If you want to be a father STOP PLAYING now, this is real life.[/qb]
OK, CJ, I am sorry.

Still, there is no 'trying' involved.
Just stick with what Don told you.

-red-
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Old 07-05-2004, 05:17 PM   #11
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Listen Im a single mother of 2 wonderful kids because the father doesnt want to be a father to his kids. You want to be a father to your daughter so BE ONE. Dont sign over your rights, she is yours. Think of this way you say you dont know how to be a father because your dad wasnt around how did that make you feel, Do you really want your daughter to feel that way because you wont be around. My father was around when I was growing up and I truly hate the man because of it, you dont want your daughter to hate you. What happens if you do sign over your rights and 10 15 years from now your daughter ask you why you did it what are going to say to her? About you going to jail in the past I have been there gone through it, it doesnt make you a bad person or a bad parent. I spend 2 months in jail before I had my kids and all it did was make me understand thats not the life I want and made me a better person. So if you want to be a dad then be one!! Dont sign over your rights because she wants you to and if you dont think that the house your child is in is not a good place for her to be then do something about it you know. Well if you want to talk you can email at mommy31183*aol.***
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Old 07-19-2004, 11:30 AM   #12
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baby boy
It takes a man to be a daddy.....
I don't doubt for a second you love your baby.But you got to prove you can be one.Just because you had sex doesn't mean you are.You need to get your stuff together and be a man.Get yourself a job,keep your nose clean,mind your damn business and keep away from trouble.Put your child first.And be real,you want your baby seeing you in lockdown?That ain't right.I don't think she should have brought the baby there to see you.And where is your daddy?Your momma?They with you?If they are they need to step up too and help you become the father and man you want to be.you are still their baby.If they are not around,I'm sorry,baby.Then that just means you got to look out for yourself.Clean yourself up.My daddy worked some pretty bad jobs to keep us fed and clothed.It don't matter if you mopping at mcdonald's it's food in your baby's belly.Stop worrying about her and start worrying about your child.You do that and everything else will be alright.
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