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Old 05-28-2009, 05:47 PM   #1
ValleyOfLotus
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Default Discipline (you vs. your ex)

My husband, who I'm trying to get out of a relationship with, and I have very different parenting styles. I'm more into attachment parenting (though I have very VERY occasionally had to spank my son) and he is all spank and yell-- not okay to me especially when he spanks him, then continues to yell at him about what he did being wrong. I can't stand it, it's one of the myriad of reasons that I'm planning to leave.

The only thing I worry about is that he'll still be treated like this when he goes to visit his dad after we're separated. Is anyone here in this situation? Any insight??
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:09 PM   #2
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Default Re: Discipline (you vs. your ex)

My ex is not a parent figure to my children...he is a friend only, and he's lucky to have that! He doesn't discipline...I'm Mom and Dad.
Maybe in your separation agreement, you can add something about him taking parenting classes....
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Old 05-30-2009, 02:30 PM   #3
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Default Re: Discipline (you vs. your ex)

My ex wanted to be the friend in the beginning only trying to buy Ry love with electronics also so he can us it as a babysitter. But now he thinks he knows all.. Because he married a woman with 3 kids. He likes to try to tell me what Im doing wrong. What a crock. I will say no parents have the same parenting style that I have seen. Even my married friends I see there is always one parent rather grounded the other is interesting. (no other way I could think of phrasing it) I will say there are things I could improve on but everone has thous. You husband sounds scr***** up. Get an agreement in place that he is to take a parenting class and have only visitation with supervision until he can prove that he can control his anger issues. Hopefully Lisa can give you some advice in that area.
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Old 05-30-2009, 05:19 PM   #4
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Default Re: Discipline (you vs. your ex)

Thanks for the comment about a parenting class-- that would be a great idea. I like to think I'm fairly balanced. I have a system that seems to work...I ask J to do something. If he doesn't do it then I count to five, if he hasn't begun doing it he gets a time out. The next count to five means he gets a pop on the hand, the third is a pop on the bottom. I have only had to get to the third set of counting to five once. Now he does things immediately or if it's something he really really doesn't want to do he gets a time out. I haven't even had to get him on the hand in a while. But my husband is first offense- yell and spank. Second-- yell more and spank harder :-/
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Old 05-30-2009, 05:45 PM   #5
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Default Re: Discipline (you vs. your ex)

I can relate...just this morning I got a call from my ex about when he wants to see his son. I mentioned that the boy is very skinny...mostly as a preemptive strike to the ____ I know I will hear about it. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm concerned. Yeah, I am doing all I can think of to get him to eat more. His suggestion? He said that if the boy refuses to taste something he physically forces his mouth open and makes him try it. To me this seems abusive, but Dad claims it works and that he has gotten him to eat new things that way. !!! I would never do this, would rather find high calorie but healthy things he will eat. I encourage him to try new things, but I would never "shove" anything in his mouth (OK, maybe meds if it was the only way).
This is not the kind of different you are talking about, though. Your husband is abusive by any standards. Sure, we can all be pushed into some anger, but to yell, then hit, then continue to yell! Right from the get go, no previous attempts to get the lesson learned through less intimidating means? That is a man out of control. That is a man at high risk of really snapping and doing serious harm. Shoot, that alone could be considered serious harm. I hope you have documentation of this. Didn't you say you had one of his rants recorded on your cell phone? Use it. Lisa will know the best way to protect your son, but I am sure that any evidence you have of him unleashing his wrath on the boy will be key in terms of visitation arrangements. Abusing YOU is not enough. Be careful and I pray you may be successful.
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