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Old 02-05-2010, 02:52 PM   #1
confused1996 Female
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Unhappy Just asking opinions

OK my son got a ipod from his father this Christmas. His father and I both told him not to take it to school. Well guess what he did. This Tuesday he came home on the bus listening to his ipod when the bus got to his stop he shoved it in his pocket. Well later on that night he was looking for it and couldnt find it. Retraced his steps to the bus stop but couldnt find it. Well I informed him that for one he was not suppose to take it to school and second if it was lost in no way was it being replaced. We called the bus driver so she could look for it in the morning.
The next day the bus driver hadnt found it and by noon Ry was home sick?? He called his grandmother she picked him up and tock him home. When I got home still no ipod so he called his dad because in his words "Its the only right this to do. Where as his father bought it for him for christmas. "
Well all he** broke lose. Ry's dad started yelling at him over the phone. Ry then said that if his father was going to be that angry then he was not going to go to his place next weekend. His fathers response was to inform ry that if he though acting like a big baby and spoiled brat was going to get him to stop being pi**ed then he had another thing coming. (by the way by the time ry got off the phone he was so upset he couldnt stop crying) He wouldnt tell me everything his father said other then that even his fathers wife was yelling at him over the phone as well.
Am I wrong is this not alittle extreme? I must say I was not happy about it but I wouldnt call Ry names and bring him to tears to get my point across. I just informed him that I was disappointed in him for not listening.
Oh by the wasy the builder two houses away found rys ipod the day he lost it and on Thursday brought it to me. I informed ry that indeed he found it but because he tock it to school when he was not suppose to he lost it until he shows that he is responsable. Ry has not called his father to tell him because he said that his dad said things that he didnt like. I personnally think his father did and said to much so Im not pushing it. Am I wrong? Maybe Im just being over protective??
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Old 02-05-2010, 02:57 PM   #2
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Well, I think he went to far if he called him names......other than being an irresponsible spoilt brat. I have called my DD that many a time.

Here's the danger I see. Ry is clearly playing the two of you against each other. I think for some reason he expected his father to do something else [maybe replace it], or why would he call him? I think dad lost his cool [I did too the one time A lost her ipod]. Not excusing what his father did, but it's human.

Now Ry is going to throw the gauntlet down of "I'm not going there because he is mean!" That is just punishing his father in ways I don't think is fair.

I can't remember your whole story with the ex. Will he be reasonable if you call and tell him that you want to support him in visiting Ry, but you wanted to hear his side of things? Specifically what he called Ry?
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Old 02-05-2010, 02:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

I think you handled it fine. I think his Dad is an overeactive idiot. I'm kind surprised Ry felt the need to call him and confess though...could he have possibly been hoping Dad would replace it? Seems far fetched, but so does calling him and "asking" to get yelled at. Why go there?

LSL, I didn't see your post...I say the Dad is an overeactive idiot based on not just this time but the multitude of times he has hurt Ry in unwarrented ways. We all say things we regret at times. Heck, I did it right here just a few minuets ago!
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:01 PM   #4
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Has his father always been this way torwards him? As a parent, you can be disappointed and yell but never put your kid down or call them names. That's just wrong!! I can understand why your son would not want to visit his father after that.

I think his father owes his son an apology.

Agree with you in regards to the ipod. He needs to learn that his actions have consequences. He was lucky enough to get the ipod back. The next time he may not be so lucky.
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:06 PM   #5
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

His father opinion is that we are the adults ry is the kid he is to do as he says. As for being reasonable nope. He likes to yell and doesnt like anyone telling him or suggesting anything to him. Ive overheard a few things he calls Ry and spoiled brat is very mild so Im thinking from rys face he said some very nasty things. Ry doesnt here alot of swear word from me but he said both his father and the wife used alot of them on the phone that night.
I can understand them being upset. I think maybe I should let them cool down first before I approach his father on this one. Im just not sure how to approach it. Or if I should just let it go.
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:15 PM   #6
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Okay, now I remember dad is a yeller and there have been problems in the past with Ry not wanting to go there. Which goes back to this: Why did he call his dad, I mean really call his dad? That's the interesting question here.
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:16 PM   #7
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

I'm probably wrong here but I think I would just let it go, with the Dad anyway because I don't think confronting him will have any positive results. This is hardly the first time Ry has not wanted to go to his Dad's. What do you usually do when Dad has crossed a line and Ry doesn't want to go because of it? It might also be worth exploring with Ry just what he thought was gonna happen if he went out of his way to tell Dad about this?
Is it possible he already didn't want to go so he "picked" a fight with Dad?
IDK....I'm sure I'm overanalyzing as usual...
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Old 02-05-2010, 03:51 PM   #8
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Ry said that he thought that if he told his dad instead of his dad finding out otherwise his dad wouldnt be as mad. He then said that I have said to him that I would be happier if he told me stuff before I find out about it another way or from someone else. I told him that just because I may like something better that way doesnt mean his dad will. He says he know understand this. Blue I think you maybe right I do believe that Ry knew his dad will blow maybe he thought also that if he tell him now he will calm down sooner and atleast this way he is with me and not him.
No real issue with Ry not going he doesnt usually go anymore. He say everyone there argue all the time and yell so he really doesnt like going there anyway.
I think Ill just leave it be for the time being if his father brings it up to me I will inform him that I think he crossed the line but Im not going to bother trying to get him to see reason.
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:11 PM   #9
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Document it though. I think it's important to note that your son was trying to trust his father, and once again that trust was abused.
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:19 PM   #10
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Thats a good idea lisa Ill write it down as it went down not including my opinions just Rys reactions and his fathers reactions.(as ry told me)
I just wish the man would grow up and see that all he is doing is creating a bigger rift between him and his son. He is also destroying any trust the boy has in him.
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:22 PM   #11
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Ahhh, that makes sense. If he had gone to Dad's and Dad had asked where the ipod was then he would have had to either lie or face his wrath in person. Smart kid! (btw, I was wrong. What he actually did was way more emotionally evolved than what I was thinking, )
I'm also impressed that you guys were able to discuss this so openly and honestly. You are doing a great job, Mama!
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:34 PM   #12
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Default Re: Just asking opinions

Ya Blue sometimes that kid scares me. He to smart for his own good at time but still easly hurt. Oh well he will have to develop a thicker skin with his dad he tries to avoid direct confrontations with him but still receives a tongue lashing from the distance.
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