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Old 10-04-2005, 01:46 PM   #1
smshybug
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OK, now I am sure lots of people see this kind of thing but as I have already told this story to one person, I thought I would share it with the rest of you to see what you think:

In the Mall (obviously due to the title), and I see a 30-something mom with a few kids hanging around the cart. One child was sitting in the cart and he was crying, face all red and pointing at something. The mother was yelling quite loudly at him. This went on for a good 5 minutes of them yelling back and forth at each other. Well, towards the time I stepped in with my two cents, the other kids were getting into it. So, being me, I went over and asked the lady if she needed help. She told me it was none of my business. I then proceeded to tell her that she was rather loud and a lot of people were staring at her. I suggested that if she calm down, her child might do the same. She proceeded to tell me it was none of my business. So I had to go there: I said, look, if you are yelling at your child in a public place and you are causing an "audience" of attention, that is bordered on child abuse and you need to calm down. I work in a law firm and deal with these cases everyday. If someone complains to the right authorities, you could have a serious problem. She very quickly calmed down and proceeded to calm her child down. I said I didnt' want to cause more of a problem but just warn her that her behavior with her child was upsetting to other people around her.

Kai gets very upset when people yell or another child cries. This is what instigated me to come over and say something in the first place. It just burns me that someone would yell at a child like that in public, let alone anywhere else. They are children for crying out loud.

Anyway, Just a little story about discipline in the Mall.
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Old 10-04-2005, 01:46 PM   #2
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OK, now I am sure lots of people see this kind of thing but as I have already told this story to one person, I thought I would share it with the rest of you to see what you think:

In the Mall (obviously due to the title), and I see a 30-something mom with a few kids hanging around the cart. One child was sitting in the cart and he was crying, face all red and pointing at something. The mother was yelling quite loudly at him. This went on for a good 5 minutes of them yelling back and forth at each other. Well, towards the time I stepped in with my two cents, the other kids were getting into it. So, being me, I went over and asked the lady if she needed help. She told me it was none of my business. I then proceeded to tell her that she was rather loud and a lot of people were staring at her. I suggested that if she calm down, her child might do the same. She proceeded to tell me it was none of my business. So I had to go there: I said, look, if you are yelling at your child in a public place and you are causing an "audience" of attention, that is bordered on child abuse and you need to calm down. I work in a law firm and deal with these cases everyday. If someone complains to the right authorities, you could have a serious problem. She very quickly calmed down and proceeded to calm her child down. I said I didnt' want to cause more of a problem but just warn her that her behavior with her child was upsetting to other people around her.

Kai gets very upset when people yell or another child cries. This is what instigated me to come over and say something in the first place. It just burns me that someone would yell at a child like that in public, let alone anywhere else. They are children for crying out loud.

Anyway, Just a little story about discipline in the Mall.
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Old 10-04-2005, 02:29 PM   #3
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I don't agree with the lady having a yelling match for at least 5 min in public... just shouldn't be done... but having said that... I can understand where she's at too. I have 4 children that are quite young and they can get VERY loud and won't listen (not too often, but once in a while)... And sometimes I need to raise my voice to be heard overtop of them... now my children know if mommy has to raise her voice it's not a good thing and she won't be happy... I would prefer to briefly raise my voice to keep them under control then have them running throughout the stores (which I have seen as well). When 1 adult "has" to deal with multiple small children it isn't easy.... and she probably knew very well that others were watching and being concerned(and it was stressing her out even more)... I know I would. I wouldn't have a yelling match w my child in any store.. if it continued longer than 20 seconds we'd be out of there and in the van having a chat! But looking at it from her point of view.... I can sympathize with her (and her wrong choice of continuing it in the store) and as well with you for your son being upset because of it.. At the same time ( I might end up being lynched for this... but it's what I think) perhaps you getting involved might not have made things alot better for her.... She was probably over stressed and trying to get a million things done and frankly, her first impulse when someone tried to get involved was to tell them to mind their own business.... just because she already had a full plate and dealing with an interfearing stranger was not going to lighten it any....
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Old 10-04-2005, 02:33 PM   #4
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I wasn't rude to her at all. I was actually trying to help. I know how stressful it can be to have many children and be the only adult. I have done babysitting before that was a nightmare, but I have also found ways of calming children down without yelling at them. I appreciate your honestly and thoughts on this. It was just disturbing to me that she couldn't find another way to calm her child other than yelling. I don't believe in yelling at children therefore, when I see it I get upset. Kai is a girl by the way. I know what it's like to feel out of control and that's why I tried to help her at first but I don't deal with attitude very well. I am learning but sometimes my attitude gets the best of me.
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Old 10-04-2005, 03:41 PM   #5
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sry bout that/mistaking kai for a boy... haven't heard that name before.. so i guessed...sry
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Old 10-04-2005, 03:55 PM   #6
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SMSHY - Was she actually yelling / screaming at her children?

I often use a very firm, somewhat loud voice to get my kids attention if neccessary. I don't think I've ever received an audience though.

From your posts I gather that she was screaming very loudly at the crying child.?

This is difficult to advise on not actually being there seeing it in person.

But your question of whether she needed some help was a nice gesture. I'm sure she was terribly embarrassed and the pressure was to the max. for her.
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Old 10-04-2005, 04:07 PM   #7
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Being a little loud is no big deal. Screaming and calling names or belittling a child is a big deal. I would have said something in that case.
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Old 10-06-2005, 01:39 AM   #8
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If kids are out of control in public, you should leave - plain and simple. I don't care if I've just spent the last 45 minutes filling up my grocery cart, I'm outta there. I walk the cart up to customer service and say I'll be back. That being said, I don't take my daughter in public during times of the day when she'd be cranky. I make sure she's fed, had a nap and plenty of time to play and let out any pent up energy. And I try to make a lot of short trips to the store rather than one long one. Yeah, it takes more time for me in the long run, but it's a lot less stressful for her. But some people don't take that much time to get to "know" their kids. It's sad. And I'm not saying we never have a scene or a tantrum in the store, but they are few and far between.

Way to speak up. Most people would just stare and continue to allow her to make a scene and treat her kid like that. I can tell you're a good mom
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Old 11-19-2005, 08:56 PM   #9
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I feel for that woman, especially tonight. I agree. You don't 'yell' at your children for 5 minutes - public or not. Today, I was that parent who walked away from a screaming child and he ended up chasing me and hitting me on my back repeatedly. When we're in 'the red' its hard to find a logical solution - particularly in a public place. I had a woman approach me too and the store's clerk too. They both saw him hitting me and was trying to talk him to stop hitting his mom. He stopped and buried his face in me and the woman proceeded in telling him he was a good boy and didn't need to be hitting anyone. I was sooo thankful that she used tact with this. I was worried that she'd call him bad or something. The store clerk ended up just walking away as he saw things being resolved.

As long as the people are sensitive with their approach, it's appreciated. I know I've made a comment to a child who was out of line.
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Old 11-19-2005, 10:13 PM   #10
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My little girl who is now 6 doesnt have tantrums anymore, but I was thinking about a couple weeks ago, we went to a Walgreens and I had her friend and my 8 yr old son with me. My daughter started to run into the parking lot but like, it was close to the car...like she ran diagnolly to the car, but at that time a car was coming into the next space, and I was yelling to her at the same time and thank God that car was pulling in slowly.
Anyways, when we got in the car I laid into her, and told her (again) how dangerous cars are, etc. and that she was staying in when we got home...the lady driving the car was kinda old, and she heard me, so she came up to us and told my daughter that I was right and she needed to be careful.
She was very sweet about it, and I felt bad for yelling but she scared me too. I think in some situations people cannot help but yell. In a store though, I would not do that b/c a kid was having a fit. But actually, I did ge mad at my other daughter once when she was little b/c she left me and got lost at K-Mart. I was so scared and imagining the worst so when we found her I was ready to kill her myself!
Its funny how a scary situation just gets your adreniline going and your glad when your kids are safe but then upset at the same time. I know this is a bit of topic but it shows how peoples emotions come into play
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Old 12-05-2005, 01:16 AM   #11
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One good bark of Andrews' name ( middle name included ) is all it takes. I don't let him control me. I'll let him cry untill he gets board of it... I do actuly give him permision to cry and tantrum ( as rare as tantrums are for him )... I never would yell at him, anywhere... Tho he does tend to be thick headed...
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