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Old 10-03-2009, 05:31 PM   #1
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Default Just ain't right

Oh lookie there. I am no longer at a loss for words. Ha! I wish I was.


I haven't wanted to talk about this because it's depressing and aggravateing...and getting rather redundant. It's E.
I'm not speaking to him right now. So stupid, so childish (I mean me) but I am so pissed I feel like saying nothing (other then yes, no, etc.) is better than saying the stuff in my head.
He had another huge meltdown on the bus.
Day before yesterday he "lost" his DS.(Nintendo) He left it on the floor under his bus seat. I found it, but he doesn't know that. As far as he is concerned, he was careless and it is gone. Bad news for me is now it's much harder to keep him under control on the bus.
So, he had this little bat stuffed animal that he was messing with. I didn't really care, so I let him. Big mistake. Him and his seat mate (friend) were playing with it, and a little boy in the seat behind them kept leaning over and messing with them. It was the bat that kept attracting him.
So, I explained to the boys (E and his friend) that they were not in trouble, hadn't done anything wrong, but that the little kindergartner (they are both in 3rd grade) behind them was gonna be in trouble very soon if we didn't put the bat away for now. It was creating a dangerous situation. I always teach the bigger kids to watch out for the little ones, like when crossing the street and stuff. I also teach them to set a good example for the little ones, that the little ones look up to them. Then I took the bat and put it away. It was only for a couple minuets till the little one got off. E's friend understood perfectly.
E went ballistic. He screamed, he pummeled me with his fists, slapped my seat repeatedly, pulled my hair, yanked at my clothes. All this while I am driving a bus loaded with 60 kids! What the ____ am I supposed to do! There was no where to pull over without getting alot of unwanted attention. This is my JOB! I'm being assaulted at work by MY OWN KID!
I did my best not to further inflame him, cause I know that will get me nowhere but a lower level of ____. I appeased him till the kids were all off the bus...but the minuet we got home...I couldn't take it anymore!
I grabbed him by the back of the collar and half marched, and when he wouldn't walk, dragged him into his room, telling him that what he had done on the bus was COMPLETELY unacceptable and locked the door. He had his usual fit and I ignored him. For hours. I did eventually give him some dinner. I slid it under the door with instructions to eat it or starve. Had to look at him to give him some milk, which he spilled, of course. I let him out to go potty once. I was FURIOUS! I am still FURIOUS!
I'm terrified, too. Here I have the perfect job for "us"...and I'm not gonna be able to do it? I'm gonna have to ...I don't know what else to do! Go on welfare cause my kid can't ride on a bus with me? I wouldn't even qualify. This is insane!
He is allowed out of his room now. He is having to pretty much fend for himself. He has good food he can get for himself. No nice, no help, comming from me. If he tries to talk to me, (actually tried to ask me to BUY him something just now) he gets blasted with "No! You don't talk to me! I am still furious about what you did on the bus yesterday!" I've really snapped and I have 2 straight days of him in my face non stop to get through!
I know this is wrong, but I don't know what to do. I probably should have locked him in his room the whole weekend, but I'm afraid he will eventually go out the window. If THAT happened....no, no. I can't let that happen.
I can only hope that he will think twice about making me THIS angry again...but I don't think he really cares.
Last night I had horrible nightmares. When I woke up all I wanted to do was go back to sleep, back to the dreams.
The nightmares were much better than a weekend spent feeling like I want to run away from the person I love more than anything or anyone on this earth!
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:03 PM   #2
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Default Re: Just ain't right

OH MY STARS.....I am at a total loss. Wow. I mean, had you pulled over and dealt with it with all the kids, then you know someone would have seen it and thought you were dealing with a kid that was not your own.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I don't. I hope that the school has some answers for you and a way to deal with all of this.
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:05 PM   #3
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmom View Post
Oh lookie there. I am no longer at a loss for words. Ha! I wish I was.

...E went ballistic. He screamed, he pummeled me with his fists, slapped my seat repeatedly, pulled my hair, yanked at my clothes. All this while I am driving a bus loaded with 60 kids! What the ____ am I supposed to do!...
one of mine did that once, he was grounded to his room with extra chores for a month.
He had to write a letter of apology before he would be allowed out..
Food was peanut butter sandwiches, breakfast and lunch and dinner...

I made them for him to eat in his room with milk, there was no food grazing allowed.
and any time i was asked for something it was no with the added,

"I dont allow anyone to hurt me, i dont like people who hurt me, and I never ever do anything I dont have to do for people that hurt me"

in the meanest deepest tone i could muster up.

The letter, I would write on top instructions

You should tell me What you did
Why you did it
Why is it VERY bad for you to have done it
What you could have done differently
What are you going to do to change this very bad mistake

now the first draft, and yes this is really an exercise in getting him to think, and when he bring you the apology, go over it with him in a stern voice and point out what you expect from him, then have him rewrite it.

and dont forget to remind him
"I dont allow anyone to hurt me, i dont like people who hurt me, and I never ever do anything I dont have to do for people that hurt me"

once he has a apology, and it may take days, cause I usually let them [my kids] work on it in their own pace, then have he re write it [copy it] every night, till grounding is over.

but I dont give them any thing more that PB&J till i see some effort, then maybe watch a movie with the family or cereal for breakfast or a real dinner or a snack in between the PB&Js.

anyway only one of my kids ever done that and it was the last for my whole crew... It was the battle of the will.
Now the letter thing is use a lot.

hope that gets ur creative juices flowing, and help a little.
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Oh, Blue that is heartbreaking.

I am so sucky at giving advice. When you are ready to talk to him sit him down & explain to him just how inappropriate and dangerous his behavior was on the bus.

I'm so sorry to hear of your crappy weekend.

*edited because i started rambling off something stupid...
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Old 10-03-2009, 07:56 PM   #5
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Oh, Blue I too am at a loss with advice. I just hope you get a diagnosis soon and find a way to deal with this. This is so foreign to me. My son has never even said "I hate you" to me, ever. The girls haven't either, even when they did! I don't know what I would do.

I like Mom's idea of the letter, of an exercise to make him think it through, but IDK enough about ODD or Aspergers to know if that gets through. I guess it certainly can't hurt to try!

Mostly I just want to send hugs and tell you we are here to listen. Not very practical help I know.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:18 PM   #6
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Lisa, thanks so much, as always, for being so understanding and supportive about how difficult this is. It means more than I can say.

Robin, that sounds like a GREAT idea. Only worries are that I will have to screw his window shut or he will go out it. He has done this many times. At school they put him in a windowless room when he has a fit, cause he screams so loud he disrupts the whole building. Now just the threat from them is enough for him to turn it off
instantly...(the screaming part that is, that's why they think it's ODD, he does it very much on purpose)...unfortunately, I don't have a windowless room. God, this all sounds so HORRIBLE! What next? I have to put him in restraints in order to enforce a consequence?
I am also worried about him breaking the glass if he can't get the window open. He was banging on it last night and threatening to (I still made him stay in there till he was quiet for a long time). Or hurting himself in some other fashion...IDK now. The more I think about it.....I am worried about something really horrible happening to him, by his own hand but still, I am afraid they may take him away....and not just to "give me a break!"
I was seriously gonna jump up as soon as I was done writing and do exactly as you said for the rest of the weekend and however long after except for school and homework time. I mean this stuff has GOT to stop! I'm still gonna give it a try...but I'm not feeling as optomistic as I was at first blush.
Please know that I really appreciate the idea...I'll let you know what happens. Better take my shower first so I will hear it if he does something completely crazy. I think the statement about not allowing anyone to hurt me is brilliant...though it feels a little hypocritical when I am being forced to "manhandle" him into his room. He doesn't just go because I tell him to. He fights tooth and nail the whole way! Ahhhh! I better think on this a bit yet... thanks so much, though.

Hanzi, you give great advise! I have tried the star earning approach with E, but that was before the video games became such an obsession for him. I may have more luck with that kind of thing, as incentive, now that he has something he really loves to do. I especially like the part about understanding that he WILL mess up, but giving him a chance to correct minor infractions.
Where I run into trouble is when he fails to earn it, so he doesn't get it, so he does as described in the OP. sigh.

---------- Post added at 07:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:08 PM ----------

Thank you too Idig, as always! Last night E told me "I know you hate me because you are doing this to me (grounding him)". He said this over and over. When that didn't work, he yelled that he hates me, over and over. I have always told him that I never hate him, that I always love him, even when I am really mad at him...but I didn't this time. I can't help it. I think he was saying it just to get me to interact with him.
I just sent him to his room. I told him what Mom said about not tolerating people hurting me and reminded him of just what all he did. I told him I will be giving him paper in a few mins. and explained what he is to write. I will write instructions on the top as well.
He wants to know why he can't just tell me he's sorry. I told him he is very far away from done with being in trouble for this...that he has no idea yet just how bad what he did was...but, he will.
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:43 PM   #7
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Default Re: Just ain't right

He will be bigger and stronger than you in what 4 years maybe earlier, then there is no turning back, how he treats you will be how he will treat the girls in his life for the next 20 - 30 years, maybe longer if he does not learn.

DONT--- force him to his room, tell him to go, if he doesn't then he gets nothing, no food, no tv, nothing, place the pband j in hand announce in the deep mean voice "this is dinner" you can have it when you stay in your room. or gets nothing

If he start to grab at stuff, get ready with the tall kitchen bags and start emptying stuff into it. Open the trunk of your car or room if you have a key lock on you bedroom and store it in there, somewhere he cant just get it.

he will up the ante ODD will do that, just stay calm and keep the foot firmly placed, keep that deep mean voice, [ i actually had a sore thought which made it easier to not answer mine]

hang in there,
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Old 10-03-2009, 08:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluesmom View Post
I have tried the star earning approach with E, but that was before the video games became such an obsession for him. I may have more luck with that kind of thing, as incentive, now that he has something he really loves to do. I especially like the part about understanding that he WILL mess up, but giving him a chance to correct minor infractions.
Where I run into trouble is when he fails to earn it, so he doesn't get it, so he does as described in the OP. sigh.
Ah, I see you read my response before i deleted it. Yeah earning stars & stickers means absolutely nothing to my son - never has. Blue, with my recent experiment with earning back the game system it leaves the option of earning it back up to the child - there really is no 'fails to earn it' there is a date clearly marked on the calendar when he CAN earn it back, and that date may be extended due to a major infraction & i would make sure he came over to the calendar with me & watched me extend the day (i had to extend it by 2 days). I even threatend that if he whined for it back early i would extend a day. He's a whiner so of course he tried, but i would remind my how many days he had left & does he really want me to make it longer. It's rough - they're gonna push every button. Video games are fairly new in my household (approx july) & i made it clear that it is for weekend use only during the school week.

All of that doesn't have much to do with your original post about the bus incident though. I liked Robin's words of wisdom too.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:21 PM   #9
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Default Re: Just ain't right

You bring up some very interesting things, Blue.

Here are my thoughts about them for whatever they're worth.

Each time he tells you he hates you you tell him you love him. Blue, it sounds like he is using that as a manipulation. I know my best friend's kids do that to her as a manipulation. It is a button he has found! Don't respond to it in the heat of the moment!!! He KNOWS you love him, not because you tell him but because you show him.

I suspect with your childhood being similar in so many respects to mine that, like me, you never felt that you were much more than a piece in a greater game and that your wellbeing wasn't a priority. I'll tell you one thing, if my 12 year old tried to move out, quit school, and go on the path I did....let's just say it would be a cold day in ____. My point being this is something which hits you in your most vulnerable place. Something you swore your child would never feel. Of course, E can't know all that (assuming I am not completely off base!), but he does know that it takes you aback, hurts you , makes you engage in the game. Instead of playing into in the heat of the battle, maybe it is better to say it after the dust has settled - when it is no longer being used as ammo against you.

The other thing is your mention of the hypocrisy of telling him you will not allow him to hurt you while manhandling him to his room. Apples and oranges sister!!!!! He is hitting, pulling, pushing with the intent of inflicting physical pain or at the very least because he has completely lost control of himself (though the fact he is able to control himself at school with the threat of the windowless room contradicts that theory). You taking him to his room is a consequence of his actions and his refusal to go when told. That is not hypocritical and he is old enough to learn the difference (again I know nothing about ODD or Aspergers so I may be wrong about that)! But he does know the difference I think - I also think he knows how guilty you feel about it and uses that to his advantage.......

---------- Post added at 07:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:14 PM ----------

Oh, and something i have told me daughters when I see them struggle with their kids - you don't have to tell them their behavior is wrong or engage verbally with them at all in the heat of it. After they have been told a couple of times (in a couple of experiences) they KNOW it is wrong. There is no need for multiple warnings, no need to even talk to them when they are in the throws of the fit. You either give one direction with one consequence stated and then immediately do it, or you have a discussion with the child BEFORE they do a repeated misbehavior that this (whatever you determine) is what will happen the next time and everytime after when they display that behavior. Then you do it without chances, without explanation in the heat of it. When the dust settles you explain it again. You refuse to participate in the battle!

---------- Post added at 07:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:20 PM ----------

And finally...

JMO, but give him the damn DS on the bus. The bus is not the place to engage in this stuff with him!!!!
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:30 PM   #10
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Default Re: Just ain't right

I actually like Robin's idea here. The not making him go to his room, but rather making his life "____" in every other way.

But remember that there is a difference between E smacking you without provocation, and your restraining him and making him go to his room.
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Old 10-04-2009, 12:59 PM   #11
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Good morning folks. I so appreciate all your help with this. Here is how it's been going so far since I last wrote.

E was realtively calm and probably thinking the worst was over at the time I finally wrote you. Yeah, I was still livid, but he doesn't really care about that. I think Idig is right. He KNOWS I love him, will never abandon him or physically harm him...he has pushed and pushed enough to now be quite confident about that. If I was gonna kill him, he'd already be dead. (You know I don't mean that literally).
So, last night I made him go back in his room (door locked or he would NEVER stay there). He went without a fight, probably because he figured it was close to bedtime anyway. In fact, he went to sleep pretty quick.
When I knew he was asleep I opened the door a crack, for safety's sake, and went to bed myself.
This morning I took him some food. It wasn't PB&J, cause he likes PB&J and that is a treat for him. It was an egg and OJ, which was what I had. Eat it or go hungry. No special meal making for you. He didn't eat it. Maybe he will eat the spagetti we are having for lunch.
He got to go potty of course, then back in with the door locked. He was being surpriseingly compliant, very sorry, though not really sincere IMO. Sorry he was in such big trouble was all.
I gave him a notebook with a heading on top of 4 pages.
1. Write- What you did.
2. Write- Why it was wrong.
3. Write- The effect it could have had on everybody else.
4. Write- How you could have behaved differently.
Two minuets later, he had written: (Illegibly)
1. I holded your shirt.
2. Because you were driving the bus.
3. They would start holding others shirts.
4. I should just sit there.
We had a talk about it all. 2nd draft....
1. I holded your shirt, pulled your hair and hit your seat.
2. Because you were driving the bus. Because you are Mommy.
3. They would start holding others shirts. The bus might have flipped upside down and everybody could have died.
4. I should just sit there, not pulling your shirt, not pulling your hair and not hitting your seat. "Now when am I gonna get out of here?!"
At present he is whining and threatening to go out the window. Apparently I have time limits to respond before he does this...which is almost funny as he has a poor concept of time. Right now it's 30 minuets, but I know he means 30 seconds. There is a 3 inch gap at the bottom of the door. He lays on the floor and shouts through it.
I wish I could tape this stuff.
He can't see me here on the couch, so he is wanting to know where I am "so I know how loud I have to make my voice".
"I know you hate me, cause you are being so mean to me so I know you hate me, so I hate you! I have all the pain, I always have all the pain. I have way more pain than you! (This must be because I told him he hurt me) I'm starting to get hungry, my throat is hurting, I'm very, very, sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm having way more pain than you did, you are giving me way more pain that I did to you, locking me in my room is way more pain than what I did. What can I do to get out, what do I have to do to get out? Please Mommy!

I said: "Write down what you did, why you shouldn't have done it, and what you will do differently next time. Write it so I can read it. Think of more bad things that could have happened to everybody on the bus because of what you did. You think being locked in your room is bad? What if you or someone else was stuck in a hospital bed for the rest of their lives because of what you did? Think of all the things I do for you everyday that you don't have now because of the way you treated me. Write it all down."

Him: " I already did that. I'm going out the window. You are being so mean to me, you hate me, I hate you. If you let me out I'll never do it again. Where are you Mommy, you better answer me why won't you answer me? When are you gonna let me out of here? You are locking me in here forever! If you let me out of here I will never,ever,do it again so let me out Mommy, let me out OK? Deal? .... That's it you hate me, I am going out the window...."

And on and on....wait. It just got quiet. That's even MORE scary!

Some thoughts that come up when I read yours...
E knows nothing about my childhood. For all he knows, I grew up as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms.
E has never heard me say I hate ANYBODY. He has rarely heard me use the word hate at all...I may have said something like "I hate when that happens" or something like that. I've never used hate in reference to him or even his behavior.
I did tell him, when he talked about how mean my X was to me (not his Dad - and he saw the man belittle and threaten me. E told our Pastor he was scared for me), that that was why the X was no longer allowed to live with us. Perhaps that was a mistake....Maybe that's where this "you don't want me to be here anymore" stuff comes from when I cross E?
And yes. E is not out of HIS control. He can turn this stuff off and on like flipping a switch...there aren't often many real tears.

I checked on E. He's just laying in his bed. Asked again when he can come out. I told him probably tomorrow, IF I believe that he is really sorry for what he did, not just for being in trouble. I asked him WHY he did what he did? He said, "cause I didn't get a turn to play with the bat". I said, "So everybody should have their lives put in danger because you didn't get a turn to play with the bat? You think that hitting me and disrepecting me is gonna get you ANYTHING you want? Does misbehaving EVER get you what you want? Write it all down."
It's quiet again.
My nose is bleeding...probably from blood pressure. I've been acting calm, not yelling or anything like that...but my guts feel the pressure. I never did take that shower. For years I have worried. Felt like a failure as a Mom. Joined the "blame me" bandwagon.
Even thought about sending E to live with his Dad since he swore he had no problem with the kid. Well, according to Stepmom, they have PLENTY of problems with the kid...though she agrees it's all my fault.

I just had an epiphany, maybe. OK, stupid little thing, but..E is very smart. He can write beautifully when he wants to...but he won't. Getting him to write sentences and stuff is one of the biggest challenges with him in school (work wise). So, I just told him that anything he wants to say to me while he is grounded must be written. If I can't read it, it doesn't count....and he still isn't going to be ungrounded until he does his apology letter thoughly and legibly.

I gotta go make lunch (I didn't eat my eggs either).
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:25 PM   #12
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Default Re: Just ain't right

I'm not saying E knows about your childhood, only that he knows that gets to you (the you don't love thing). Same with the fact I'll bet he knows that manhandling him gets to you. I am just saying he pushes those buttons!

Mark doesn't know about my childhood, other than he does know I didn't graduate from high school. He does know my mom has severe mental problems too. Kind of hard to hide that fact.

I think what you are doing is the best route possible! You are holding firm and letting him know the way it is going to be. You aren't playing into his games!

Let us know how it is going!!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 05:40 PM   #13
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Oh, Idig, I know what you meant! I'm just really having a hard time with all this. I feel too cruel, not cruel enough...you name it. Even the word cruel is wrong. I just hope to get some answers and professional help soon. I do find it hard to believe that this is all just because I "gave in under stress" sometimes and now he thinks I have no authority.
Like I've said, he has always been like this to whatever degree his development allowed.
It's just hard not to wonder about everything that's ever happened that could have contributed...and feel guilty.

I will say this, even if he doesn't get what exactly he did wrong, he will not forget what has happpened because of it. He is really upset about being grounded like this.
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Old 10-04-2009, 06:03 PM   #14
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Quote:
I do find it hard to believe that this is all just because I "gave in under stress" sometimes and now he thinks I have no authority.
Like I've said, he has always been like this to whatever degree his development allowed.
It's just hard not to wonder about everything that's ever happened that could have contributed...and feel guilty.
I agree there is more at play here than just gving in while under stress. Who hasn't given in at times when we shouldn't, just because we couldn't tkae the battle right at that moment?


One thing the ex did tell me once, when Mark was 2, that I needed to stop engaging in a battle with a 2 year old on the 2 year old's terms. It sounds like what you are now doing by not reacting so much? Maybe you've always done that, IDK.

I can imagine the guilt must get downright debilitating at times. Especially when people suggest his behavior is somehow all your fault! I strongly disagree with that. I have seen plenty of kids who are able to manipulate their parents, parents that give in all the time, but i have never heard of this type of behavior without some underlying problem.

My heart hurts for you and I want to be able to offer some solution and I can't. I do think mom's punishment suggestion and what you are doing with it is great!
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Old 10-04-2009, 06:04 PM   #15
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Default Re: Just ain't right

I think he gets it just find Blue. And I think he is just smart enough to be minimizing what he did. He understands, as per his letters to you. He even knows at a child level how dangerous what he did was. I also do not think that you are being cruel. And if he thinks you are causing him "pain" then he has another think coming. What he did was so serious that lives were put in jeopardy. So, a weekend of this is nothing compared to never having a weekend to live again.
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:02 PM   #16
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Wow Blue. I don't have anything to add to what everyone else said...just remember this is what is needed to make him understand. Parker has had his moments but never anything near this dangerous.

Hang in there and I hope this teaches him a lesson.
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:08 PM   #17
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Default Re: Just ain't right

You guys are invaluable to me. Thanks so much for your support. I would be...a much bigger wreck right now if not for you.
E's continues to up the ante'. I think he is finally crying for real. Yelling he is scared. More of the same, too. The hate thing, the pain thing, the window thing. It's not getting him anywhere. I'm really amazed he hasn't gone out the window. Guess fear of bugs is good for something?
I have to take him dinner soon. A dry hot dog. Mostly cause it's less messy. He's got spagetti all over the floor in there. Water from now on till this is over cause he spilled yet another cup of milk from lunch. He can't come out for meals because I know he will abuse it...I'll have to time him and he'll fight and say I am starving him when time is up. I'm not up for that right now.
I'm gonna have to shower him soon. Really dreading that.
In honesty, I'm not sure he really gets the danger in what he did. He didn't write that until after I told him what could have happened, that I could have lost control of the bus and run off the road, maybe even flipped it. He didn't come up with it himself. I'm hoping it sunk in...but mostly he's just all about wanting out and trying to get me to interact with him. To no avail.
Right now he is losing it because of the water even though he drinks water by choice quite often. It's the idea that he's not allowed anything else.
I have to work the midday tomorrow, so I really need to pack a lunch and stuff.
Hey! I gained 3 pounds over the last few weeks!
Anyway, if nothing else, I will get alot of mileage out of the threat of doing this to him if he disobeys and throws a fit again anytime soon. I hope.
And he is so wrong. I think this is hurting me ALOT more than it is hurting him. I am hurting for both of us.
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:27 PM   #18
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Oh, Idig, I know what you meant! I'm just really having a hard time with all this. I feel too cruel, not cruel enough...you name it. Even the word cruel is wrong. I just hope to get some answers and professional help soon.

this is parenting in boundaries, its not easy at all... your doing great hang in there...
and dont forget to write all this down for when he starts to get the help he needs...

---------- Post added at 06:27 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:12 PM ----------

once that apology note is acceptable,, then you make him rewrite [copy it] it every night he is grounded, I personally would have him grounded for a month and let him gain back things like sitting at the table, or leaving his room for a movie. or getting a smile from me...

But thats me, I also would not let mine brow beat me, with threats...

every time mine would up the ante I would say, you want another day added to being grounded, that can be arranged.

Now a days i just have to say something like, you need some TIME to think about what you just said and I give that Periceing look [ that use to go along with that deep mean voice] and I get a second of silence then comes "No Mam, sorry i forgot myself"
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:29 PM   #19
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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this is parenting in boundaries, its not easy at all... your doing great hang in there...
and dont forget to write all this down for when he starts to get the help he needs...
Oh, WOW, Mom, thanks! I can use this thread for that!
He just wrote me a note cause I won't acknowledge anything that isn't written.
He wrote: "wen are you guna let me out" (he can spell better than that)
I wrote back: "I was hopeing for tomorrow, but the way you are going, it's not looking good."

At least I taught him something. He just burped in the middle of a yell. Stopped, and in a completely calm voice said, "Opps! Excuse me." Then resumed crying and screaming.
God, help me.
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:30 PM   #20
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Default Re: Just ain't right

God bless you for finding the humor in the chaos!!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:35 PM   #21
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Oh, WOW, Mom, thanks! I can use this thread for that!
He just wrote me a note cause I won't acknowledge anything that isn't written.
He wrote: "wen are you guna let me out" (he can spell better than that)
I wrote back: "I was hopeing for tomorrow, but the way you are going, it's not looking good."

At least I taught him something. He just burped in the middle of a yell. Stopped, and in a completely calm voice said, "Opps! Excuse me." Then resumed crying and screaming.
God, help me.
hahahahaah

when he is laying on his back with all legs and arms sticking in the air and tongue hanging out of his mouths, waiting for you to save him...

you will have won hahahahahaah now dont do like me and ask him what hes doing, cause ill tell you the answer already, " [mine told me] I must had died, im better now, am i still grounded....

hahahahahahaah

dont fall for it.... hahahahahaha
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Old 10-04-2009, 07:41 PM   #22
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Hang in there, Blue!! This must be SO hard for you BOTH. We REALLY care about you guys!!
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Old 10-04-2009, 08:14 PM   #23
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Ouffff, oufff, ouffff! I have no other advice than the ones that already have been given. Very good ones! Good luck Bluesmom. Hard tough love... I´m not looking forward my babygirl getting older..
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Old 10-04-2009, 09:14 PM   #24
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Default Re: Just ain't right

AWWW Blue, sorry I didnt read this earlier and offer some support. I think the advice has been great! I wish You had people closer to just be there with you. I am sending you good vibes. You are an amazing, strong woman....DONT forget that. It is a very hard thing to have children that dont fit the "NORM" especially when they LOOK like they fit the norm. Hang in there and take notes for me to use in a few years.
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Old 10-05-2009, 10:59 AM   #25
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Default Re: Just ain't right

OH Blue I wish I had come on sooner but my dial up in driving me nuts. You already received alot of good advice I hope today goes better for you. Your an awesome mom.
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Old 10-05-2009, 11:13 AM   #26
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Me too Blue, hope today is better!
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:33 PM   #27
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Default Re: Just ain't right

hey Blue

I think everyone just about covered everything. Its never easy, but he knows you love him. Kids always take their anger out on the one who they know will never leave them. You are his stability and he knows you arent going anywhere.
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:44 PM   #28
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Hi and thanks again everybody.
Yesterday E was a saint. Did everything he was supposed to without even being asked...well, almost, . The stuff he had to be reminded about he apologized with seeming sincerity for the oversight.
So, I let him watch a TV show once his homework was done...and he did his homework correctly, cheerfully, and without one cross word.
This morning he yelled at me. Then he went pale and begged forgiveness for it, before I even said anything about it.
I will let him slowly earn stuff back.
I know it's gonna be hard for him to keep this up...poor kid.
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:46 PM   #29
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Poor kid, my hiney!!!! Glad he is remembering!!!! Stick with this, be consistent! Good job mama.
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:48 PM   #30
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Yea....I was thinking the same thing. Not poor E...poor BLUE!! Hang in there...you are doing a great job!
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:56 PM   #31
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Lol, yeah, I didn't mean "poor kid" like I was gonna wuss out and let him start sliding again, I just meant that I know he really has some issues that make it hard for him. He's gonna have to learn to deal with them though. There's a new Mom in town!
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:58 PM   #32
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Yea....I was thinking the same thing. Not poor E...poor BLUE!! Hang in there...you are doing a great job!

Your hanging tough, good job you are an awesome mom...

and looky at all the bonus rewards too...
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Old 10-06-2009, 01:59 PM   #33
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Default Re: Just ain't right

WooHoo Blue!! I do feel for him in that regard, but he does have to learn how to function in this world. You are doin a great job!
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Old 10-06-2009, 02:47 PM   #34
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Yaaaay, awesome Blue! Consistency is key. You are doing great!
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Old 10-06-2009, 06:55 PM   #35
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Whoo-hoo Blue. Good for you. And ultimately good for E to know that everyone can be pushed to their limits.
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:19 PM   #36
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Do we have a fainting dead away smilie?

E did his homework, ALL of it, perfectly, AT SCHOOL!

WTG E!!!!! Whooo-Hooooo!!!
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:26 PM   #37
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Yayyyy!!!!



(closest I could find )
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:36 PM   #38
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Default Re: Just ain't right

Blue I AM SO STINKIN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:50 PM   #39
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Originally Posted by sara1 View Post
Blue I AM SO STINKIN PROUD OF YOU!!!!!
Well thanks, but ME? I am so proud of HIM!!!

Of course, I already had to threaten to put him back "in his room".
Because he started to give me lip when I told him it was bed time. So, he went to bed so he didn't have to go in his room.
Oh, the irony, ::
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Old 10-06-2009, 09:55 PM   #40
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Originally Posted by Bluesmom View Post
Well thanks, but ME? I am so proud of HIM!!!

Of course, I already had to threaten to put him back "in his room".
Because he started to give me lip when I told him it was bed time. So, he went to bed so he didn't have to go in his room.
Oh, the irony, ::
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Old 10-06-2009, 10:01 PM   #41
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Default Re: Just ain't right

When you perfect your technique look me up. Took my little devils to the PSYCHOLOGIST of all places today and didnt even recognize them. They were HORRID and usually in public they are very good. I think the sitter put speed in their snack!
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Old 10-06-2009, 10:50 PM   #42
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Default Re: Just ain't right

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Originally Posted by sara1 View Post
When you perfect your technique look me up. Took my little devils to the PSYCHOLOGIST of all places today and didnt even recognize them. They were HORRID and usually in public they are very good. I think the sitter put speed in their snack!
I'm so sorry they gave you a hard time. On the other hand, if they are gonna show their butts, I suppose that's a good place to do it!
I spent years with Attila the Toddler at home and a shy shrinking violet in public. "No, I swear! He's a little MONSTER!!!" I got some Looks.....
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