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Old 02-27-2010, 06:57 PM   #1
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Default Put my son in jail today!

I have really had it with P's manipulative behavior.

I understand the whole giving him time to adjust to a new school, home life, ect.. but I think his adjustment time is over and now he is just being bad because he wants to and I have had it!

Today he went into the bathroom after A came out of the shower and he took A's ring off of the counter and hid it in his room. When A noticed it missing and they were looking everywhere for it and I knew that Don and A were both blaming P. I stood up for him, not believing that he would do that, and said that he had not been in the bathroom since A had been in there.

But, then I realized he had and I just knew that he took it and I made him empty his pockets and viola..he went to his room and produced the ring.

I can't tell you how upset that I was and felt like horrible for A knowing that she was really p-off at P for doing that.

And it is not the only thing, he talks back to me, constantly lies, is horrible at bed time, got a time-out sheet at after-school the other day, but the worse is that he just has no respect for authority and in particular me!!

So, I told him today that when adults steal something they go to jail, so he could now consider himself in jail. I made Don put a lock (from the outside) on his door, he is only allowed to eat bread and water today, and he is in there all day and night.

Do you think this has affected him...nope!!! I go to get a nail thing, you know the square buffer that has a grey thing, blue side, and white polishing side and discover that he tore off all the colored things. So, he had $5 that we were actually going to the mall with today and he was allowed to spend and I told him that he had to give me the $ now so I could go buy a new one.

He lies and tells me that he can't find the $, it is no longer in his room. Well, he kept up this lie until he started having toys removed, a few every minute that he did not produce the $. It was not until after 3 boxes of toys were removed that he finally gave it up. And then proceeded to make up a story about not knowing where it was!

I have to do something to end all this behavior now because I have had it!!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:16 PM   #2
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Oh Pann! I'm so sorry he is acting out like this. All I can think of is maybe he is doing it for attention? Since he was so used to having you all to himself? Just guessing, of course.
I think you are handleing it very well, though I can imagine how upsetting it is. E's bad, but in a different way and locking him in his room is about the only thing that DOES get to him. He never has any toys in there. I hope he gets the message and cuts the ____. Hugs!
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Old 02-27-2010, 07:24 PM   #3
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

P gets plenty of attention from me even now and he is not unhappy here. He loves A and likes helping Don work, he likes school and has made friends. His life is much better and he knows it.

Problem really is that I was too permissive with him when it was just him and I and it is biting me in the arse!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:09 PM   #4
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

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Originally Posted by pann71 View Post
Problem really is that I was too permissive with him when it was just him and I and it is biting me in the arse!!
If I ever meet someone and it gets serious, I think that I will also have this problem as I do the same thing now! I'm trying to curb it, but it's hard.

Sorry you are dealing with this....I would have been SO mad sticking up for him and then finding he did it. I would have been rippin!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:12 PM   #5
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

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Problem really is that I was too permissive with him when it was just him and I and it is biting me in the arse!!
Yeah, me, too. GUILTY!!!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:20 PM   #6
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Son-of-a Big B!!

Don just went in his room to put back the drawer of cars that had gotten taken away in the find the money or the toys are gone and guess what he found.

Parker had found 2 five dollar bills and five ones in my suitcase stored in his closet and he hid it there!

Coming off of the other money thing, I am livid.

He is currently sitting in a corner, since there are too many toys in his room to play with and he is still playing, climbing the walls, singing..nothing gets through to him!!

I need to find something to get through to him!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:22 PM   #7
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Sometimes it's sooooooo hard being a parent. VERY frustrating. I don't have any advice, but you gotta keep trying with him. What does Don say?
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

I think you are doing the right things...but it must be kept up and he will understand you mean what you say. His behaviour cannot change overnight. Probably in the new environment he is trying to establish boundaries etc. Eventually being in his room will be a punishment, not a change of routine.
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:43 PM   #9
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Don says pretty much the same thing that Muskie just said, that his behavior will not change overnight. And tells me to leave him for a week alone with him and he will straighten out.

I could let Don step in and handle it, his punishments would be much more effective, and he does sometimes when P gets real bad back talking me, BUT, number one, I am the one that he does not respect and number two I don't want Don to seem like the bad guy, I am the one who needs to get through to him so that he sees that this is not just a consequence of the move.

I can handle bad behavior, I deal with it fine with the children I tutor, it is the lying and disrespect that I have the most problem with! Also the arguing. When I tell him something he will argue with me non-stop!

Ahhh, the joys of parenthood. I know I have to stick with the action/consequence thing a lot longer to see results.

Thanks for listening to me blow off steam!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:47 PM   #10
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Good luck, Pann, not that you need it. I have total faith in you. I know you can and will get the job done!
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Old 02-27-2010, 08:53 PM   #11
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Anytime Pann! You are doing just great. YOU are a great mom!!
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Old 02-27-2010, 10:07 PM   #12
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

Pann when you mention the arguing non stop, it reminds me of my kids a while back, and to a smaller extent even now. They cannot argue unless you engage, so after discussing something and making a decision, I just tell them the matter is closed. And I stand firm. Otherwise they will try to argue it until they get their way. My one son got scared when I refused to engage and I picked up the phone to allegedly make a doctor app't for him.........since he had trouble hearing! The hardest thing for me is standing firm because at times it seems soooooo easy to give in.
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Old 02-27-2010, 11:30 PM   #13
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

So sorry Pann. I know you will be ok, though. Like others have said, it will not happen overnight. I alos fully agree with not engaging in the fights. Do the Supernanny thing and don't engage or give attention to the bad behavior. Don't look him in the eye and return him over and over to the same corner consistently, he will get the picture in time. Chances are he will push even harder since you are changing the rules. He will push it up a notch for a while. But if you stay consistent, he will get it more quickly than if you wait until he pushes you too far!

Hang in there!!
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:17 PM   #14
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

I have a very stubborn son, who can argue and debate things. I can understand what you are dealing with. I like the advice to not engage with the child when he argues and will also give that a try. My daughter does this too...the last word always has to be spoken. Drives me insane at times. My youngest is so easy to deal with...I wish the other two were like him.
My thoughts are with you Pann...I really hope that you are able to get through to your son. Hang in there!
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:35 PM   #15
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

I don't really have any sound advice to give (with my little ones running wild as we speak, lulz) but I can say that I think what you are doing is a good thing and hopefully will have a positive outcome. I never heard of anyone doing a "homemade jail"...well I had to sit in the corner once for like 15 minutes with no television, nothing and of course I thought I was dying and my mom used to do the bed without supper deal. Talk about a grouchy kid in the morning. But anyways, I think what you are doing is good because you have some parents that don't even try and just let it continue on. I am not calling anyone out but those talk shows that have parents on them stating that their young child "beats" them I'm always like what took place to prevent it getting that far in the first place. I saw one where the parents stated their 6 year old hit them with things and bit them all the time...just...IDK. But anyways, doing something is definitely better than doing nothing therefore you are being a good mom and I hope it gets better soon .
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:52 PM   #16
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

My youngest is the pain for me. He whines and poutes. Argues and storms off. I'll sit with him and after a while he'll hug me and go on, good to go for a few more hours.
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Old 03-11-2010, 12:08 PM   #17
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

For me it's "the talk" that gets through to my oldest. Nothing tortures him more than having to listen to me calmly explain to him why his behaviour was unacceptable and why I expect that it will never happen again. The whole time he pouts and whines and tells me how much he hates doing it, but in the end he listens.
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Old 03-24-2010, 11:35 AM   #18
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

I am sorry that I have no advice I am not the parent of a teenager...yet...oye I don't look forward to those days.

I remember being a teenager though and my mom and I having all kinds of problems. I remember saying things like "I wish you would die" and I really meant it too.

This isn't going to help you but what changed it for me was a dream. One night I dreamt that she did die. I still remember that dream too, it was almost 20 years ago I had that dream and I still remember it in perfect clarity, it changed my life. I woke up cyring and crying.

From that point on I was a better kid because I realized that despite it all I loved my mom, and I don't want her to die.

My mom tells me that she remembers that, not the dream of course but remember that just suddenly one day everything changed and things where smoother from that point on. Weird, I know.

My suggestion though is this: if it is bad enough can you talk to a police officer and have him put in a real jail for like an hour? Have a police officer come and arrest him, put him in handcuffs and put him in jail then after about an hour you come and get him out (not for real arrest, just something to show him what happens if he steals). If it is a small town you may be able too, but if it is a big city you probably won't.

Maybe you can stage it somehow, not real police officers or a real jail, but something you and your friends set up but he doesn't realize that it is just a stage-up? Is that too harsh?
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Old 03-24-2010, 12:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Put my son in jail today!

For an Officer to do a chat is a good idea. The "jail" time as in a scared straight is not. studies showed the Scared Straight Program back fired. Most of the kids that went through it got this I'm better and tougher and smarter attitude and ended up repeating. Hove ever a nice tour, with no adult inmates seems to do better. The opened toilet facilities seems do make the biggest impression. I have talked with kids and it seems to work on some and not on others. Yelling and screaming just shuts them down. A soft factual explanintion about actions, responsibilities and consequences sinks in more.
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