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Old 07-29-2005, 07:23 PM   #1
looney911
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I try everything time-out, corners witholding desired items, sending him to his room and then I finally resort to spanking him on the but (not too hard(. But I hate spanking. I know consistency is the key and I am consistent but it seems the only thing he responds too...anybody out there with any other ideas?
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Old 07-29-2005, 08:15 PM   #2
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Hey,

Spanking is one of those topics that seems to explode on boards...people often seem to have immovable feelings about the subject...anyway...

If spanking is working for you, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. It'll lose effectiveness as he gets older, however. Really, you can't keep it up until he's 18.

I've had a notebook since little Bobby was 7yo. In it, he writes pages of sentences that says what he should differently so that he won't have to write sentences again. It's a good punishment because it's specific to what he did, it makes him practice something useful (writing...and sometimes I throw new words in the sentence), and he hates doing it. Really, he hates the time he has to spend doing it instead of fun things; I always make him wait until it's playtime before he writes the sentences.

As for me, when I do things bad, little Bobby hits me. It works; it's the most effective way I've found to remember stuff so far. I also get to keep track of how good his punches are. I don't want him to punch people often, but if he ever needs to then I want his punch to be good.

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Old 07-29-2005, 08:24 PM   #3
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I didn't even read the original post and I have to apologize because I will go back and do that and edit this in a min.

I always used the philosophy that if the punishment couldn't be expressed with a hand it shouldn't be expressed.

My son changed that. Time outs don't work, sending him to bed early doesn't work, swatting his ____ with my hand didn't work. What seems to be working to get his out of control 2 year old behavior in check? He's scared of being swatted with the fly swatter.

I don't even have to use it since the 2nd spanking with it. I just have to threaten to use it. I hated swatting him in the first place with my hands and I cried over having to use anything else but I was desperate. He knew I was sick and was pushing every limit and I couldn't get him in control again.

I still feel bad for the first 2 uses, but realize that now he knows I mean business and that I'm the Mom and in control. He's going to be bigger than me very soon, he's nearly stronger now. He had to learn who was in charge and I hope that he has.

Edit: Wow, I just went back and read the original post by you, Looney, and I'm in shock that I was spot on. I needed to vent a bit about my son because he is 27 months old and driving me nuts with his defiance! LOL I see your son is 3. I was raised being spanked with a leather belt and hated my parents for it (because they didn't use the philosophy I have tried with my son) I just wanted him to actually know that I could make him feel sorry for his actions..you know what I mean? I don't want to use it again and hope I won't have to, but right now just saying the words "I'm going to get the spanker" makes him straighten up.
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Old 07-29-2005, 08:29 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blindsky75:
[qb]I still feel bad for the first 2 uses, but realize that now he knows I mean business and that I'm the Mom and in control. He's going to be bigger than me very soon, he's nearly stronger now. He had to learn who was in charge and I hope that he has. [/qb]
...kinda like your hiroshima and nagasaki

I gotta say, my sister's use fly swatters but I couldn't do it...

Later,
Bobby
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Old 07-29-2005, 09:27 PM   #5
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LOL the flyswatter....I'm laughing at you laughing at yourself in amazement. It's amazing how diff each kid is and at what lengths we have to go to...but the last thing I want is a punk so....He's now 4 and I see him starting to listen a little better. My Mom always said the terrible twos were actually 3-4 and I have to agree....but now his mouth is starting to get fresh...
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Old 07-29-2005, 09:48 PM   #6
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Ya know.. this really is a delicate subject. I spanked my oldest once, when he was little and it literally broke my heart. I could never do it again.

I think if spanking is done correctly and not over done.. and IF it works - it's OK. Not for me, but it has a proven track record.

I really like the idea of making a child do what we used to call write offs. Sentences. That one is good, because they practice writting, and they are reminded of what they did .. over and over and over.

Looney, if spanking works - don't feel guilty about it. Obviously, I would never agree that spanking to the point of abuse is OK .. but I know you are not referring to that. So .. normal spanking can be effective. I think it's better than yelling, and pulling hair etc.

LOL @ the flyswatter.. I could not do that and it shouldn't be funny - but it kinda is.

I'm terrible @ dicipline... I admit it. It's one thing I fear my oldest is missing in his life, because I really don't do a good job of it.

I take things away, but I give them back. I ground him, but let him off early... etc etc etc.
*sigh*
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Old 07-30-2005, 11:41 AM   #7
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My Mom used a wooden spoon. Ouch!!!
I have to admit I have only actually spanked a few times and different kids. Normally the threat of it will straighten them out especially if other people are around. I get down at their level, quietly and calmly let them know that if they do not straighten up I will bare their bottom in front of all. Normally they straighten up, which is a good thing because I really don't want to do it but am normally at the end of my rope.

You know I have learned that distractions are awesome especially with a 3 or 4 year old. It is a tough age and can really set the mood for the next few years.
Also when I am really getting to the end I will sometimes just make a silly joke and shake it off. It breaks the tention when we all laugh and a lot of times they will straighten up because they relax and the tention is broke.
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Old 07-30-2005, 03:11 PM   #8
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Quote:
Also when I am really getting to the end I will sometimes just make a silly joke and shake it off. It breaks the tention when we all laugh and a lot of times they will straighten up because they relax and the tention is broke.
That is awesome! I do that too. Sometimes, when I have to scold... I go back and joke around - not taking away from the point, but to let my son know - just because I was upset with his behavior does not mean I am going to stay that way, or that we can't move on.

Laughter is one of my very favorite things!
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Old 07-30-2005, 06:45 PM   #9
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Oh is that how I am suppose to do it?
I make the joke while scolding.
"If you don't straighten up your attitude I am going to tickle you till you pee your pants!!!"
Or
"If you keep up the attitude I am going to hang you from the ceiling fan and beat you with a wet noodle." They love that one.
Or toss you in the trash. They like that one too.
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Old 07-31-2005, 02:55 PM   #10
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I think I've spanked my daughter maybe 4 times in her 5 years of life. Seeing this post reminded me of the first one, the one that broke my heart.
Time outs work well for me now. She stays where I put her until she is ready to come out. A few weeks ago, I told her I was going to slap her ____, and she said, "No you wont. I'll just go hide behind grandma, and she wont let you." Thats when I started laughing. Or she'll tell me that she is going to tell my parents on me, if I do something she doesnt like. Discipline isnt easy.
When I was younger at my babysitter, (who had 7 sons), we got wooped with a plastic race car track. I think I only got it once, and then I only needed to be threatened with it to make me stop whatever I was doing after that.
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Old 07-31-2005, 06:31 PM   #11
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I was spanked, (incorrectly) and spanked my first child, a son of course incorrectly. My daughter never. Spanking did not work for Tyler. Time out or sentences when he got older worked best. Last week, Tyler and I were talking about how to discipline his soon to be two year old daughter. I told him I didn't believe in spanking, and he got this stunned look on his face. He said "Who are you, and where the heck were you when I was little". I said, Well, look at you. Spanking didn't work. He just laughed. Plus, Grandma's are different then moms. Even 36 year old ones.
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Old 08-01-2005, 12:40 AM   #12
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Quote:
"If you keep up the attitude I am going to hang you from the ceiling fan and beat you with a wet noodle." They love that one.
hahaha!!! I love that. I'm gonna use it !
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Old 08-01-2005, 12:43 AM   #13
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And I thought my Mom was weird for telling my kids she was going to throw them away!

We distract my kids when they hurt themselves (minor bumps) by having them apologize to the door or the table they ran into. Other family members think they'll get a complex, but after they apologize to the floor for falling on it..they forgot the ouchie. LOL
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Old 08-01-2005, 12:49 AM   #14
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My kids are a bit older (didn't do this when they were small) but, I usually look at the ouchie and if it's minor - I say "I don't see any blood" ... it seems to take the drama out of it.

Isn't it funny how many bandaids we put on ouchies that don't really need one - but it makes them feel better.. so we do it? Well, I do anyway.
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Old 08-01-2005, 01:06 AM   #15
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Oh Oh I forgot the part about the toes. I hang them by their toes from the ceiling fan. Sorry.

My Gosh Inni, I think I need to invest in bandaids and get some of my money back at least. The amount we go through. If one has a bandaid for something then the others are looking for a boo boo or anything they can put one on. So for one I have to have 5 or so. Oh well they are cheap and make them happy.

By the way B I know you have never heard me claim to be normal and I don't think you ever will. Not seriously anyway.
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Old 08-04-2005, 08:31 AM   #16
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You guys are all great. I think back too and laugh at how guilty I felt back then when I spanked T. Now, I still threaten it ...and she believes me LOL.

Oh, and she still uses band-aids for the dumbest injuries....I say "Aw....do you need surgery"? She just laughs and puts on the band-aid.

Looney911,
I say if it works don't feel bad. Just do whatever it is that you think is going to work for that child. Spankings don't give you any follow throughs either....in other words you don't have to have the punishment go on and on all week etc. just make sure that if you spank him for that crime than if/when that same crime gets committed again you spank him again. That way there is no confusion. When he does that crime the punishment is the same and he can count on it.
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Old 08-08-2005, 07:46 PM   #17
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This is a subject that pretty much ended my last relationship. I had nothing against spankings until I actually had a child. I was never comfortable with it. For my ex there was no other way. Well I say if it works for you then fine use it, but if it doesn't or it really makes you feel bad you may want to try the voucher system. My son was, is, a very challenging child. Spanking just did not work and only made things worse with him. I have used this program with incredible success for several years and you can use it until they leave the nest. I cannot even begin to list the benefits and you see changes immediately. Now I can't say it will work for everyone but I had tried everything including therapy, and this has been the thing to get the best response. If you want more info PM me. It has also saved me a ton of money and grief in stores because they have to be good to earn their vouchers. I don't get the plz, plz, plz can I have a toy anymore.
Good Luck,
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Old 08-08-2005, 09:55 PM   #18
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Man...this forum is great...I feel like posting links to other forums where the spanking topic went bad...

Really...I've seen people get personal...people threaten to call child protective services...scary stuff...

Always good to see a civil conversation.
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Old 08-09-2005, 01:00 PM   #19
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I agree Bobby, I've been in a few of those but what always amazed me was that generally the people who had the biggest mouths were those who did not have kids or their kids were still babies and weren't old enough to warrant severe punishments. It seems that most people on here are pretty experencied and have come to the conclusion that you do whatever is effective.
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Old 01-14-2007, 05:05 PM   #20
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I believe in spanking and grounding. It's how I was raised and it worked in my house.
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Old 03-13-2007, 03:55 PM   #21
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My son is terrified of Band-aids! It is to the extent that when I enrolled him in preschool, that little section on the forms that says "anything else we should know about your child?" yeah I had to put that my child is deathly afraid of BANDAIDS! His teacher actually asked me if I was serious. I don't even know why, but from the time he was tiny, he would freak out. I don't even keep them in the house because if he even sees them he will panic
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Old 03-13-2007, 07:42 PM   #22
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LOL...just out of curiosity...how close to his "skin color" are those band aids?
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:14 PM   #23
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That's so funny. My daughter is afraid of Bandaids too. She literally screams like I'm trying to kill her if I even mention that we should put a bandaid on something. She just doesn't have a trusting nature. I have NEVER done anything to hurt her in her whole life, but she is convinced I am trying to just cause her more pain with those evil bandaids. And, Paulj, it doesn't matter what color they are. Dora the Explorer, Loony Toons, whatever, she ain't havin it.

4strong, just out of curiosity, is your child also scared of mascotts? You know those people dressed up in animal suits at festivals?
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Old 03-13-2007, 09:16 PM   #24
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I have tried every bandaid known to man! EVERY SINGLE ONE! When he had his tonsils out we had to meet with the nurse a couple days ahead of time. Well, she explained everything to him, even the Dr. taking him back and mommy can't go with you, and he was totaly fine, didn't care at all. Then she mentions that when he comes back to mommy he will have a "really cool bandaid" on his arm (from the IV) that was it, he ran out the room and there was no catchin him. to this day he can't walk past the interview room without reliving the experience. There is no logical explanation he is just terrified. Doesn't even like the nurse to put one on Bubba or Sissy after they get shots.
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Old 03-13-2007, 10:24 PM   #25
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LOL..I was JUST Gonna suggest that! you stole my thunder!

I've hear them called:
Kid covers
Dent stickers
Kid tatoos
Skin Savers

and on and on...but make sure you dont try them with ones they've already seen...LOL..Good Luck.
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Old 03-13-2007, 11:25 PM   #26
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I tried the tattoo thing. They have ones that look just like 'em. Told him he could have a cool tattoo like mommy, cause he likes mine. But no, "THAT'S A BANDAID MOMMY!!" so yeah, there's no hope. And yes he is terrified of mascotts!! He won't go anywhere near chucky cheese,according to him, the mouse wanted to eat him. And going to the state fair can be traumatizing because they have them walking all over!
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:27 AM   #27
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My goofy kids want bandaids for everything so I now offer them some of the liquid stuff that stings a little if I don't thing they really need one. They now decline.

With my older boys I told them if it aint bleeding or broke I didn't need to hear about it and if they wanted their ouies kissed they could do it them selfs, I did not want sissy boys. Once one of them fell over and landed on his hands, got up kissed both hands and kept on running. Think I should tell his wife?

I also use spanking when needed, but have told my 9y0 daughter that obedience is showing me love, with my 5yo daughter I tell her that she is hurting my feelings when she disobeys, I am still working on the 5yo. My three oldest could probably spank me.
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Old 03-14-2007, 06:39 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally posted by 4strong:
I tried the tattoo thing. They have ones that look just like 'em. Told him he could have a cool tattoo like mommy, cause he likes mine. But no, "THAT'S A BANDAID MOMMY!!" so yeah, there's no hope. And yes he is terrified of mascotts!! He won't go anywhere near chucky cheese,according to him, the mouse wanted to eat him. And going to the state fair can be traumatizing because they have them walking all over!
I think your son and my daughter are kindred spirits. We once went to a festival in Winnipeg called Folklorama. They have a mascott called the Folklorama Llama-basically a guy dressed up in a llama outfit. (they have mascotts for everything in Winnipeg) Anyway, any time the llama came any where near us it was like something out of a horror movie-screaming, panic, and trying to crawl ontop of my head. For months after that, she asked me every time we went somewhere if there were going to be llamas there. And pretty much the same reaction to any mascott. I actually had to list it on the form as one of her "fears" when I registered her for preschool. Again, I have never done anything to make her mistrust me, but she just doesn't believe me that they wont hurt her.
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Old 03-14-2007, 11:28 AM   #29
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Quote:
I think your son and my daughter are kindred spirits.
I think your right! I don't know where my little guy gets his weird little quirks, but they are there! My other two could care less, nothing scares them!
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