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Old 05-07-2005, 01:36 AM   #1
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I am 18 weeks along and my boyfriend left me two weeks ago. I am the second girl he has gotten pregnant with, his daughter is now 1 1/2, and he also left her mom during her pregnancy. He basically wants to drink and party and do his own thing without having the responsibility. I told him I couldn't stand another weekend alone and he told me, I give up. I moved his things out of the apartment and the last thing he said to me was what about the doctor's appts? I told him I don't know because going to the doctor's appointments doesn't make you a great father. He's not very involved in his daughter's life and went to all of her doctor's appts but still doesn't show much interest in her or responsibility for that matter. It's now been two weeks and I haven't even gotten one phone call from him to see how me or most of all the baby is doing. The last appt he sat there and read a magazine eventhough we were still together at the time and the next appt is the ultrasound. I just don't know if he really deserves to be there. I really need some opinions on this or what other people did. My mom is going to be there and I know that she will be uncomfortable with him being there too but part of me says he is the father and he should be there but the other part says he hasn't even called to see how his baby is doing so does he really even care. Please help, I'm so confused!!!!
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Old 05-07-2005, 01:51 AM   #2
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Welcome shannon,

You're not alone and you found many like-minded ladies. They'll be along soon.

All I can say is you'll be surprised by your strength. You'll do a great job without him.
No matter what you see, no matter what you hear, no matter what you read...always always always get a second opinion... and then a third.
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Old 05-07-2005, 01:58 AM   #3
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I don't think I can be much of a help, but I just wanted you to know that I understand.

I was never with the father of this child in my tummy (although I did know him), but he never calls me or aknowledges me. He pretends none of this is happening and drinks and parties. Meanwhile, the girl he's living with right now has no idea about me or this baby. It's like I don't exist.

I've come to the conclusion that he is a little boy and not a man. He'll talk to me if I call him at work (which is the only way I can contact him), but I haven't called since about a week or two after I found out I was pregnant. I got tired of his lip service. All he did was lie. So, instead, I wrote him a letter a month (to his work address), telling him when and where my appointments were so he could come to them if he wanted to. No replies. I never wrote one for April, and my psychologist told me not to. She said that he can contact me if he wants the info. It's up to him if he wants to be part of this pregnancy, this childs life.

If he wants to go to the appointments, then let him. At least he's showing up. BUT, DON'T CALL HIM. LET HIM CALL YOU. If he wants to be there, he'll call to find out when. Maybe he'll show more interest in this child than the other. Little boys are unpredictable.

Good luck to you. *huge hugs*
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Old 05-07-2005, 02:14 PM   #4
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Hey shannon, My ex went to the first doctors appointment with me. We had broke up by the time the ultrasound came around, I did not want him there but I let him come anyway. It was very hard, I felt very uncomfortable, but I do not regret it. When he came he had been out partying the night before, he looked like he had been up for days and I later found out he had a new girlfriend that he had just moved in with ( a week after we broke up). I cant stand him, Im sure he will be a bad father, but I have to give him a chance. If he walks away from her, I want him to do it because of his own reasons. I do not want him to say that I kept him from her. It scares me to death that he may hurt her one day, but I dont ever want her to say that i should have tried harder. It is my job to protect her from getting hurt, so I am going to try very hard not to be the one hurting her. I really had to **** it up to let him come, but i figure I will have to **** it up and be nice to him a million more times. I hate it, but ever time i think about her it is worth it. By the way, by the time it was time for the second ultrasoud and her triple screen had came back positive and I was scared to death. He asked if he coould come and bring his girlfriend. I politely told him were to go, we've all got limits right.
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Old 05-07-2005, 07:13 PM   #5
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Hi Shannon,

Take a deep breath. It's good that you are trying to connect with others who can hear you out. That is a step in the right direction. Shannon, now that there is a baby on the way, I want you to think about your dreams-for you and the baby. I know nothing about your circumstances, but I want to assure you that you can start fresh at any time. What do you see yourself doing? What do you dream of for your child? I know this is an incredibly hard time. You don't want to be alone, and you are reaching for what is most familiar. I can guarantee you that if you focus on taking care of yourself and your baby, you will gradually become less dependent upon this man. There are people who can help you, and give you some direction. You do not have to resolve to deal with men like this, even if it is all you are used to.

When I found out I was pregnant about a month ago(time flies!) I was in shock, could not be alone, could not eat, could not sleep. I was bugging the baby's dad at all hours of the night. At some point I realized that I had to get stronger, get bigger. So I wrote down a list of things that make me feel good, and started doing them. For example, wrapping up in a big blanket with a good book and a bottle of sparkling water next to me. I came up with several things, and that has really helped.

I still feel a little scared. I still wake up sometimes wondering "How did I get here?" But I know now that this baby is coming and I need to start getting ready. The dad says he wants to be here, but in my heart I make plans just in case he and I don't work out. I know you can do this, girl. You are stronger than you realize. Send me a Private Message if you like.

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Old 05-07-2005, 10:37 PM   #6
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Hi and welcome to the forum. I am going to be a stick in the mud, but I honestly do not understand what is the big deal about having Dad there for Doc's appointments. The only time my husband ever went to doctors appointments with me was when something was wrong. He was there during delivery and that was it.
Shannon, I do understand it is hard being left during your pregnancy that is a tough one. You will make it through this. Heck it's hard being left at all much less when you are expecting. Things will get better. It is a good thing that you have your mothers support.
God bless and prayers for you and the little one.
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