Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
    

Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Blended Parents / Step Parents ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Blended Parenting - OPEN 24 Hour

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-09-2009, 10:05 PM   #1
MotherBoard
Making The Magic Happen
Mother Of The Board

 
MotherBoard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Florida ::::::: GO GATORS!!!!!!!
Posts: 4,483
Rep Power: 1
MotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
balloons About The Ex's

Do you let the Ex's come into your home?

How does that all work?

How does your New partner handle it?
__________________
I Got Just One Life, & I wont Back Down
~ Help support our server costs by purchasing an Account Upgrade ~
~ "Like" Our FaceBook Page~
https://www.facebook.com/soloParent
MotherBoard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-02-2009, 10:24 PM   #2
Bluemoon
just an old hippie chick

 
Bluemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: In the Mountains
Posts: 8,583
Rep Power: 356
Bluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support LegendBluemoon Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

Gee whiz , Mom! How did your thread get ignored!
Well, I'll give it a go, even though most already know.
My X and I live 10 hours apart.
My son see's his Dad a couple weeks in the summer (we meet halfway for the exchange) and maybe one week during the school year.
Yes, I would let him in my house (though I'd hide my jewelry), in fact I have offered him my house to use for him and his new wife, if only he would come here to visit his son during the winter. I would go stay with a (female) friend for a week or so. But his new wife will not even consider doing this. She tries hard to do well by my son, but has little tolerence for my existance.
I do not have a new partner now, but for the brief time I did, he was pretty much indifferent to my X...and to me too, now that I think about it.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone, Daughter, where your backbone ought to be. Clementine Paddleford


To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable. ~Barry M. Goldwater and Jack Casserly, Goldwater


Life is all about how you handle Plan B. ~ off a Blue Mountain Arts calendar
Bluemoon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-02-2009, 11:08 PM   #3
idig
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 300
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

Off the top of my head I can't think of many of us regulars whose ex's are in the picture or close enough to come in our homes.....

My bff's ex comes to her house for dinner occasionally. Her husband and ex get along pretty well. It is a good situation for the kids, to see them getting along for the kids.

During the time I was married before the ex's ex checked out of the girl's lives, she was welcome in my home. Found out years later my then husband, her ex was welcome in her home too. Only when her husband wasn't home and I didn't know about it. Nice, huh?
__________________



Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 12:06 AM   #4
muskiedad
the one who babbles

 
muskiedad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: ontario
Posts: 6,114
Rep Power: 296
muskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legendmuskiedad Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

Ummmm.....after my ex left I would let her in, even if i was not here. Then I noticed things missing.....furniture put back the way she wanted it......etc. I had to put a stop to it. I would rather see her face steaming up the glass on the front door from the outside, than to have to listen to her rant and rave inside.
muskiedad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 12:13 AM   #5
alexmichele07
Sparkles & Glitter

 
alexmichele07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Home
Posts: 1,824
Rep Power: 196
alexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Supportalexmichele07 Is Rocken These Boards With Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

I hang out with one of my ex's regularly. Every other weekend actually. He also knows he's welcome in my home anytime. And I go to his or his mom's house sometimes on the alternate weekends.

I'm not in a relationship, though, so there isn't anyone to tell me that's not appropriate. But quite honestly, I wouldn't care. This arrangement works and it's what's best for all the kids (his and mine - between the 2 of us, we have 5) at this time. If I was dating someone who decided he had a problem with it, I'd show him to the door. The kids are my priority.
alexmichele07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 01:08 AM   #6
mykidisfirst
Social Director

 
mykidisfirst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Tampa
Posts: 1,392
Rep Power: 137
mykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant futuremykidisfirst has a brilliant future
Default Re: About The Ex's

Nope! Not in my house. Since my episode with the F off email from his girlfriend, he will have to walk 2 flights of stairs at 7:00 am in the morning to come get my son from me when I take him to his apartment on Sunday mornings. I use to take my son to the door. Now I would not want his new girlfriend to feel like I am harassing her. I have to do this at 7:00 am, because when we first got separated he would show up to my house late when I needed to be at work at 8:00. So now my son has to be up( really I carry him to the car asleep) at 6:30am in the mornings so he can get there by 7:00 am for visitation.
mykidisfirst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 01:29 AM   #7
LSL
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 404
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

No way would I let my ex come in my house, let alone 10 feet around me.

However, strangely enough, a really good friend of mine has two kids from a prior marriage. She is now remarried with a blended family. Both her and her new husband gave keys to their house to their ex's. In fact, they all hang out together. Weird, huh? They all just agree they are better friends then lovers. Works for them.

Definately would NOT work for me.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 10:50 AM   #8
SingleMomSM
Parent on Board
 
SingleMomSM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: California
Posts: 156
Rep Power: 0
SingleMomSM is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

At first, I did let my ex in the house. However, for me my son was LITTLE, like 1-2 years, so taking him out and about was difficult and I preferred him to be in the house any way. I even allowed my ex to room with us when he was not able to keep the place he was renting. He stayed with us for about 9 months, and we had an issue so I asked him to leave. I would still allow him in the house, but strict rules apply and right now it is mostly because I cannot trust him to take my son anywhere and I do not have any legal reason that I have to let him...

Oh and the new partner...he is very supportive of however I need to handle it...
SingleMomSM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 11:15 AM   #9
Deeplus2
I am New
 
Deeplus2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Bedford, Tx
Posts: 14
Rep Power: 0
Deeplus2 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

It is interesting to hear how people handle this differently.

I used to let my EX come in, heck he used to just walk in. Then that started rubbing me the wrong way..him acting like he lived there..Would come in (not knock), go to the fridge and get cheese, flop down on MY couch and just hang out! WTF?? But just recently when I realized he was eating more out of my fridge than me and the kids..UHH...GET OUT!

Now my kids have a key to their dad's house..And I do go in when him or the GF are not there when I NEED to..to wake kids up, or look for something they need to take with them..but I don't DO anything besides our business while I am there. Though I almost hate walking in because everything that is there was once OURS..
Deeplus2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2009, 12:30 PM   #10
Jessi Joy
Getting My Feet (Board) Wet
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: The east somewhere...
Posts: 26
Rep Power: 0
Jessi Joy is an unknown quantity at this point
stubborn Re: About The Ex's

I don't think it's apprpriate for my ex to be inside my home. My home is my sanctuary, I don't want any negativity inside here!! Luckily he lives far away so I doubt he'll ever be here anyway.

Now, this is a blended family thread, so I will say that my new husbands ex wife will also never be allowed inside my home. I would not allow it, and my husband wouldn't want her here either.
Jessi Joy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2009, 03:15 AM   #11
Aarondud
Parent on Board
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 138
Rep Power: 0
Aarondud is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority here, but my ex and I have pretty stable parenting relationship. She’s welcome in my home and I’m welcome in hers, which is a good feeling for the kids I think. I don’t have trust issues with her though, so I’m lucky in that regard.
Aarondud is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2009, 06:39 AM   #12
confused1996
Board Beacon Parent

 
confused1996's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Saint John NB
Posts: 1,814
Rep Power: 171
confused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant future
Default Re: About The Ex's

My ex use to drive by all the time to make sure I didnt have a guy over. One time a friend of mine was over he didnt reconize her new vehicle and came banging on the door at 12 midnight that was interesting. If I had not locked the door I know he would have came in. He also broke in a few times to see if there was anything in the mini home that he wanted. His reasoning was that he couldnt find something and thought he had left it at my house. NOT So no my ex is not allowed in my house if Im not home. My son knows this but when I was home his father had just walked in so Im not sure his father listens to my son about not going in the house.
Now that he is married he is not allowed to pick up my son without her with him so he doesnt get out of the vehicle much anymore. Im ok with that.
As for any new bf dont have one so not an issue. When I was with my last serious bf he was not happy at all with my exs additude he didnt like him going into the house even though I pointed out that his ex did the same he wouldnt admit it he say she knows she is not welcome. Like she cared. She just picked up the kids and dropped them off when she knew he would not be there and would make herself comfortable. I caught her once because neither the kids nor her realized I was home and I came out of the bathroom and she was in the livingroom making herself at home.
I didnt much like it but she was the kids mother.
confused1996 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 06:16 PM   #13
annasmomma
I am New
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: MA
Posts: 13
Rep Power: 0
annasmomma is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

My ex has a key to my house and is welcome to come in if he needs to. He is respectful and always calls me first. My bf lives with myself and daughter and they are cordial.
annasmomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 07:35 PM   #14
Dad1st4boys
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,548
Rep Power: 294
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

It's still to early. I maybe could see it in a year or two if she stabaleizes from her depression and Narississum. Clinicily dianoised (we really need a spell checker. That was one thing my ex was good at.)
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 07:45 PM   #15
idig
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 300
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

Dad, if your spelling bothers you, you can download Firefox and use it instead of internet explorer. It has a built in spellcheck for everything you type! Good stuff, I like it much better.

http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/personal.html
__________________



Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 08:58 PM   #16
Dad1st4boys
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,548
Rep Power: 294
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

I just get in a hurry. My spelling is ok. I gives me something to laugh about. I need to laugh more.

---------- Post added at 07:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:58 PM ----------

Thank you very much though. It was thoughtful of you.
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 09:02 PM   #17
idig
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 300
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

It doesn't bother me, but I have kind of gotten addicted to Firefox and it's spellcheck Though I go too fast and still miss stuff anyway too.........
__________________



Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 09:06 PM   #18
LSL
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 404
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: About The Ex's

I am a recent firefox convert and LOVE it---for more reasons then the spellcheck.
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2009, 10:21 PM   #19
SandSMom28
Lively & Zealous Parent
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In a state of confusion
Posts: 593
Rep Power: 0
SandSMom28 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

For obvious reasons I wouldn't trust DD2's dad in and out of my house but he has yet to want to visit anyways other than the one visit after his prison release, as for DD1's dad we practically live together, he has a key and I don't mind when he ins or outs because we have a good communication/respect thing going. If I tell him that I'm having company he keeps his distance but if it's mutual friends then it's okay. He spends nights on my sofa couch when or falls asleep in my gaming chair on evenings I ask him over if Im sick and he is not busy or I am not working and bored. We have recently come to a Mon, Thur, Fri, Sun agreement to try and distance ourselves some b/c we spend way too much time together and both need room to grow and so DD1 is not confused. I hope one day me and DD2's dad can come to some agreement as well but don't ever see it happening.
SandSMom28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 12:18 AM   #20
FlyingDevildog
Banned

 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Peoples Republik of Illinois
Posts: 1,368
Rep Power: 0
FlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: About The Ex's

In a word.... NO
If she ever tried. I'd shoot her.
But like Dad said, it's too early and the way she has been acting, it proably never happen.
maybe that is harsh, but thats the way I feel.

Dawg
FlyingDevildog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 12:35 AM   #21
MotherBoard
Making The Magic Happen
Mother Of The Board

 
MotherBoard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Florida ::::::: GO GATORS!!!!!!!
Posts: 4,483
Rep Power: 1
MotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

Blended Forum for People that have a partner living with them.
__________________
I Got Just One Life, & I wont Back Down
~ Help support our server costs by purchasing an Account Upgrade ~
~ "Like" Our FaceBook Page~
https://www.facebook.com/soloParent
MotherBoard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 12:37 AM   #22
FlyingDevildog
Banned

 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Peoples Republik of Illinois
Posts: 1,368
Rep Power: 0
FlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: About The Ex's

I did earlier, but that didn't work out.
the GF movied on.
FlyingDevildog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 12:39 AM   #23
MotherBoard
Making The Magic Happen
Mother Of The Board

 
MotherBoard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Florida ::::::: GO GATORS!!!!!!!
Posts: 4,483
Rep Power: 1
MotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportMotherBoard Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDevildog View Post
I did earlier, but that didn't work out.
the GF movied on.
See you should had been here so we could be supportive.
__________________
I Got Just One Life, & I wont Back Down
~ Help support our server costs by purchasing an Account Upgrade ~
~ "Like" Our FaceBook Page~
https://www.facebook.com/soloParent
MotherBoard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 12:50 AM   #24
Dad1st4boys
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,548
Rep Power: 294
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: About The Ex's

With the point of Blended/Stp family the short and long answer is no. My house will be my castle for My Lady and I, kids are welcome, but ex's will not be, to weird, no trust.
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-2010, 01:00 AM   #25
Borealis
Board Blazen Parent
 
Borealis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Arctic
Posts: 321
Rep Power: 98
Borealis is on a distinguished road
Default Re: About The Ex's

My ex, J, is welcome in my home. Cmon-her daughters live here and she'll always be their mom, warts and all. For a time she wasn't welcome though. She ransacked the place and got way deep into my private affairs. I was violated and that took about two years to resolve/overcome. Now our trust is restored to a professional level. She stayed here with our daughters while I was gone on an emergency for a couple weeks. She sometimes, rarely gets unexpectedly surprised if I have company My boundary is you're welcome to drop in unannounced but if you don't want to be surprised, call first. And like most savvy women her radar is excellent. I'm grateful for our relationship now and it is good for our girls to see.
__________________
Every man dies. Not every man really lives. William Wallace
Borealis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2010, 03:02 PM   #26
justi03
On the Board
 
justi03's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 71
Rep Power: 0
justi03 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

When i was still with exbf exh was allowed to come in. Not really to hang out all night. But my son would want to show him new toys etc. Xh new wife wasn't allowed even on my property. She tried to start a fight with me in front of my son, calling me all sorts of pleasant names So we told her she was not welcome there anymore.
Thankfully now living 250mls away so don't have to deal with her. But even now ex is still allowed to come in my home if he wants to drive up here. He's been offered that if he wants extra visits he can come up here and stay here.
justi03 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2012, 09:36 AM   #27
Niequi
Active Board Parent
 
Niequi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New Brunswick canada
Posts: 283
Rep Power: 68
Niequi has a brilliant futureNiequi has a brilliant futureNiequi has a brilliant future
Default Re: About The Ex's

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deeplus2 View Post
It is interesting to hear how people handle this differently.

I used to let my EX come in, heck he used to just walk in. Then that started rubbing me the wrong way..him acting like he lived there..Would come in (not knock), go to the fridge and get cheese, flop down on MY couch and just hang out! WTF?? But just recently when I realized he was eating more out of my fridge than me and the kids..UHH...GET OUT!

Now my kids have a key to their dad's house..And I do go in when him or the GF are not there when I NEED to..to wake kids up, or look for something they need to take with them..but I don't DO anything besides our business while I am there. Though I almost hate walking in because everything that is there was once OURS..
sounds alot like my situation...ex used to come in and do whatever he liked...like he still lived here. It took years to get him to keep out and to adjust to the fact that he no longer lives here and has no say in my life...though that last bit he has a harder time with...but that's coming along. I find this thread so very interesting because my bf gets really...I mean REALLY irritated about this...he just doesn't understand how this could be and has gone from thinking I was still in love with X to thinking he is a salker...just doen't know how to handle it. I thought I was the only one stuck in this weird dynamic as all my friends have a freek attack when they see X at it too. I myself have never wanted to get too angry over it and get the law involved as this IS the father of my kids! I'd hate to be in thier shoes and see the police come in to handle Dad... Buit of course, he uses that to his advantage and pushes a bit as he knows I don't want to upset the kids! But I must say, 6 years later, it is going a lot better...bf had a lot to do in gaining me some privacy from X...was I cowardly and didn't gain this for myself? I don't know what the right thing would have been...I did the best I could see how back then and it gave what it gave!

---------- Post added at 08:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:26 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Niequi View Post
sounds alot like my situation...ex used to come in and do whatever he liked...like he still lived here. It took years to get him to keep out and to adjust to the fact that he no longer lives here and has no say in my life...though that last bit he has a harder time with...but that's coming along. I find this thread so very interesting because my bf gets really...I mean REALLY irritated about this...he just doesn't understand how this could be and has gone from thinking I was still in love with X to thinking he is a salker...just doen't know how to handle it. I thought I was the only one stuck in this weird dynamic as all my friends have a freek attack when they see X at it too. I myself have never wanted to get too angry over it and get the law involved as this IS the father of my kids! I'd hate to be in thier shoes and see the police come in to handle Dad... Buit of course, he uses that to his advantage and pushes a bit as he knows I don't want to upset the kids! But I must say, 6 years later, it is going a lot better...bf had a lot to do in gaining me some privacy from X...was I cowardly and didn't gain this for myself? I don't know what the right thing would have been...I did the best I could see how back then and it gave what it gave!
btw...I NEVER go into HIS place on my own...and he is VERY uncomfortable the very few times the kids have brought me there to see their room or something that is important to THEM...funny how what's his is HIS and what's mine is HIS...in his little mind! But, like I said, it's a LOTTTT better now.

---------- Post added at 08:36 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:31 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
It's still to early. I maybe could see it in a year or two if she stabaleizes from her depression and Narississum. Clinicily dianoised (we really need a spell checker. That was one thing my ex was good at.)
loved your post...made me laugh...probably because I need that spell checker too!
Niequi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2012, 11:03 AM   #28
PAgirl
On the Board
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 60
Rep Power: 62
PAgirl is a name known to allPAgirl is a name known to all
Default Re: About The Ex's

No. We tried that and when I caught his wife going through my personal file cabinet I made it clear to them that if they are only to be in my home when I am there. They said they would honor my wishes but they've violated it several times. They even tried to claim they couldn't pick up the kids because they weren't welcome in my home. There's clearly a difference, they have phones that text and call, as do the kids. It's not fair to put the kids in a situation where they see them doing something they know to be wrong and are told not to tell me. If they're not in my home then the kids can feel comfortable with not being placed in the middle.
PAgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2012, 09:53 AM   #29
Niequi
Active Board Parent
 
Niequi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New Brunswick canada
Posts: 283
Rep Power: 68
Niequi has a brilliant futureNiequi has a brilliant futureNiequi has a brilliant future
Default Re: About The Ex's

@pagirl...isn't that the worst feeling when you know your child is placed in that situation of either standing up to the other parent or do something that they know to be wrong by you!!! Arrrrgggg! That really riles me more than anything i think...even more than the invasion of privacy...if that's possible! I went through all of this with my ex too...glad to know I'm not alone with this while sad at the same time to learn how frequent this seems to be. That is something that leaves me a bit bewildered...when I see poeple...grown up adults who otherwise seem to be well-balanced individuals and who have a certain standing in the comunity too...behave in such a way that is so very diffent from what one would expect as the most basic common decency! Wow!
Niequi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2012, 10:13 PM   #30
zomom
Sweet & Sassy

 
zomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,013
Rep Power: 110
zomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angelzomom Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: About The Ex's

Nope, I had to create boundaries with my X. At first he was welcomed in the house, but he would show up 15-30 mintutes early and I would walk into an area with the entry in view and find him standing at the door. Never gave me the courtesy of texting he was on his way, or asking if it was okay. The farther away from me he is, the better I feel.
__________________
Sometimes you just have to die a little inside to be reborn and rise again as a wiser and stronger version of you!
zomom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2014, 02:56 PM   #31
PeacewithLove
I am New
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Webster Groves Missouri
Posts: 1
Rep Power: 0
PeacewithLove is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

My ex-husband has been at our home several times when my husband and I have not been home visiting with the kids. However his ex-wife per the parenting plan is not even allowed out of the vehicle during a custody exchange. So that gives an idea of the difference in the dynamics we experience.
PeacewithLove is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-04-2014, 05:01 PM   #32
XeraRose
Parent on Board
 
XeraRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 123
Rep Power: 0
XeraRose is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

I had a blended family -- now that's done and it's just me and my girls again. But DD1's dad is allowed in my house, no problem. Except .. he doesn't want to, ! He's been invited several times, but he says no, even if it's freezing cold outside. He'd rather wait outside for DD1 to get ready when he comes to get her. I've been in his place a couple of times, just to use the bathroom when I was pregnant. But that's it.

My stbx husband.. yes he has been. It depends on how well he's behaved towards me. It will also change once I can get out of this house (the marital house).
XeraRose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2014, 08:59 AM   #33
InaliWillow
On the Board
 
InaliWillow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 58
Rep Power: 0
InaliWillow is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: About The Ex's

I would have to say an absolute no, my ex had a bad habit of showing up unannounced and just doing or saying whatever he pleased. He doesn't know where I live now, none of his family does and it is going to stay that way. I don't even talk to them though, now G wouldn't mind he is protective but so long as the Ex didn't start or saying anything untoward to me or especially to bubbie ~shurggs~ but that is a mute point since he doesn't make an adult effort.
InaliWillow is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
blended, mixed marriage, step parenting

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:17 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.