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Old 12-29-2006, 04:21 AM   #1
Shuny
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Hey ladies, I'm new and glad that I am not as alone as I feel.I am 5 months preg with a miracle baby, and I refuse to be ashamed of that.I do feel hurt and betrayed by my family,friends and most of all my ex. We were together 2 years and he talked about wanting a child with me and basicly sold me dream.I'm 20 yrs. old and this is not how I pictured my life.I just want it to stop hurting so much.I try to be positive but all these feelings keep coming back.He's 34 and I doubt he will ever try to see his child.How can someone be so immature at that age? I have alot that I have to prepare for and I know the next year will be very hard, but my child is my only priority. How long does it take all the feelings of resentment,anger,betrayal and hurt to go away???I love my child and I don't want to be a bitter parent. I just can't get past everything that has happend this past month.I honestly can't see myself ever trusting another man in my life.Everything I believed was a lie. How do I move on? (I've even thought of moving away.)
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Old 01-02-2007, 10:52 PM   #2
BigBobby Male
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Hey...I responded to you in another thread and when I checked your recent posts I was suprised to find this one. I feel bad that it got ignored this long actually...there weren't many people posting over the holidays, and then your post just sorta got pushed off the main page before many people saw it...

I'm not a lady, so I hope you don't mind me responding. Before I give my opinion on the questions you asked, I just want to compliment you for having your priorities in order. It sounds like you're being level headed through this, even with all of the understandable sadness that you are dealing with. It's especially impressive given that you're so young...

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How can someone be so immature at that age?
I'm not sure immature is the best word to describe people that can just leave a child that they made. I'd like to say selfish, unfeeling, uncaring, or just downright evil...but honestly, it seems that most of them just think that the child will be OK without them. A lot of them seem to have had a parent absent when they were growing up and feel that *they* turned out ok, so the kids they ignore will turn out OK too. Sometimes they feel that the child is actually better off without them, than to have them around without really wanting to be there. I can't say that I subscribe to any of these beliefs...it'd take bullets to prevent me from sticking by the side of my son...but in reality most people think that the choices they make are justifiable.

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How long does it take all the feelings of resentment, anger, betrayal and hurt to go away???
Oh jeez...I'm trying to give you a positive answer for this, but I still have all of those feelings and my son just turned 12. My ex acts like there's something wrong with me for not just "getting over it already" but sheesh...it's not like it's something she did to our son long ago and is now over...we're feeling the effects of her choices every day. I compare it to forgiving someone who pushed you off a boat in the middle of the ocean; I'm much more likely to forgive them once I'm on dry land than when I'm still treading water. Maybe when our son is grown it'll be like I'm on dry land and those feelings will finally go away.

You said that you were also betrayed by your friends and family? How is it that they've handled this situation?

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I honestly can't see myself ever trusting another man in my life. Everything I believed was a lie. How do I move on? (I've even thought of moving away.)
Please don't judge all men based upon this experience: selfishness and dishonestly can be found in both sexes, and so can kindness and loyalty. As for moving on, it sounds like you're already heading in the right direction by focusing on your child. There will be so many things occupying your mind as you care for that baby, you wouldn't be able to stay focused on the injustice of what their father did if you wanted to. Moving away actually might help - it helped when my son was first born. In my case I went to a cheaper area where there was a college that I could attend, so that eventually I could create a better life for us. I hate to talk to about practical things while you're in such an emotional state, but do you have a plan for how you're going to support this child? Do you have a place to live and a job that will understand your situation? It's hard to worry about these things when you have such strong feelings going on inside, but worrying about them is a necessity. Worrying about these practical things may help you forget the pain though...

Anyway...I hope that helped a little. Welcome to the site.

Later,
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Old 01-09-2007, 09:27 PM   #3
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I would love to chat...I am in a very similar situation...almost identical! I am new to the site. My email is Cheetah42183@adelphia.net.
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Old 01-11-2007, 02:37 AM   #4
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I would love to chat. I'm in a very similar situation. I just want to over on and forget about my ex. I still love him, but I don't think I could ever trust that liaring _______ again. I'm normally online in the evenings after my daughter goes to sleep.
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Old 01-12-2007, 02:14 PM   #5
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Do be careful about putting your email addresses out in the clear; it's not good procedure from security point of view....yours, I mean.
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Old 01-12-2007, 04:03 PM   #6
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Quote:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">I honestly can't see myself ever trusting another man in my life. Everything I believed was a lie. How do I move on? (I've even thought of moving away.)
Please don't judge all men based upon this experience: selfishness and dishonestly can be found in both sexes, and so can kindness and loyalty. As for moving on, it sounds like you're already heading in the right direction by focusing on your child. There will be so many things occupying your mind as you care for that baby, you wouldn't be able to stay focused on the injustice of what their father did if you wanted to. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok...I'd have to agree with Bobby. I would also ask that you not judge all of us men that way. Why (people, not just men or women) can be like that? I'll never know. Not being like that I can't begin to imagine what the motivation for that kind of behavior would be.

When I was only a couple of years married, my then "wife" went to a Mary Kay party or something. Somehow she met a lady, that knew a girl that I had dated before meeting my wife. This lady showed my wife a picture of a kid, whom she swore was the spitting image of me, (Gut and all!) I was floored...I never did have ..you know...with that girl..but then, I remembered a party...that one was pretty hazy. Well, turns out that was not my kid, but believing that there was possibly a child out there that was mine was unbelieveably painful for me...knowing I couldnt or wouldnt be allowed to take care of, or be in it's life at all.

Not all of us men are like that. And ever since meeting the laides on here....I've learned that same about them.

Nice to meet you...Welcome...and Good Luck.
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Old 01-12-2007, 04:04 PM   #7
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Oh..and Binarian is right...you dont want to post your email on the main board. Mostly nice guys here, but you never know when a psycho is lurking.
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Old 01-13-2007, 01:23 AM   #8
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thats for the encouraging words pauli_in_phx.
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