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Old 09-04-2007, 02:41 PM   #1
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I'm 33 years old. I full-time school teacher for 8 years, wonderful with children, highly educated, wonderful family support, and even though I'm a teacher, I do okay financially. This weekend I was shocked when I looked at the calendar and discovered that I was late. I took a home pregnancy test to see two pink lines when there should only be one. Right away I felt so very stupid and alone.
My boyfriend and I were going through rough times and he is currently looking for employment out of the country. He doesn't want the child but said that it was my discussion and would pay child support but would not want to be a part of the child’s life.
After a weekend long discussion, we both agreed that we should terminate the pregnancy and I have an appointment for a consultation next week. He also agreed to attend this with me. He and I did agree as well that continuing the relationship wasn’t in our best interest however after 3 years we will remain good friends and a support.
I know that if I keep the child I will run into several obstacles however I also know that I need to really think this though completely before making such a major decision.
Being that I’m a teacher, I will have questions from students (grades 1-5) about being single and pregnant. I work in a neighborhood where many of our parents are single moms and I don’t worry about my co-worker’s reactions. Again, my family is supportive however my parents are gone 5 months out of the year and the father’s family doesn’t exist as he was raised in foster care.
I have time to think this through but I would love some friendly support and thoughts.
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Old 09-04-2007, 09:31 PM   #2
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Hello and welcome to the site.

I don't know if I can give any input on whether you should abort your baby or not. You're the only person who can make that decision.

About your ability to raise your child alone, however, I can give lots of input. It is very possible for you to raise a happy and healthy child as a single parent. There are dozens of people on this site, and thousands of people in the world, who have proven that. Sure there are examples where the kids grew up with problems, but you could say that about two parent families too. A child's happiness isn't guaranteed by the situation into which they're born. Their happiness is the result of work, love, and time within the power of any parent.

At 33yo with a good job, you are in a much better position to provide a stable loving home to your baby than most single mothers. Don't worry about the questions your students might ask; they're questions are probably innocent and curious. My son's 5th grade teacher was umarried and pregnant, and the kids all chipped in for a baby shower gift for her. In 2007, it's understood that 30+yo women have ***, and that can sometimes lead to children. Who knows...maybe one of your students may find herself unmarried and pregnant someday, and will remember you as a role model?

With all that said, I have to admit that I wasn't against abortion when I found out that my son was conceived. Since I was the father, however, abortion wasn't my decision and his mother was a devout Catholic (well...not so devout that she didn't have ***...but devout enough to abhor abortion). I was 18yo though, and having my son really limited my childhood. Heh...honestly, my experiences as a young parent, and then as a single one, have probably left me one of the most abnormal personalities in the world. My son *is* happy though, and I feel sad thinking about how at one time I would have preferred if he hadn't existed. It wasn't easy, but it was possible, and the result was good.

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Old 09-04-2007, 10:01 PM   #3
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I am new to the site also and i just wnt to tell you think your decision through carefully because you have to live with your choices in life no the dad or anybody else i was in the same situation not to long ago and i made choices based on what i thought was right and what other people wanted me to do and the end result felt worse than anything i ever experienced and i have to live with that for the rest of my life. You seem to have your life together and i respect that because im trying to get where you are im 29 with a 5 year old and i am pregnat again 8mo. i also work full time as a nurse aide and attend colege full time for nursing oh yeah im single! and i made these decisons for myself and my children, they are innocent and deserve the best tha i can give them. When i had to tell my 5 year old that i was going to have a baby i was so worried about the questions she would ask i didnt want to tell her but to ths day she has not one time ask me why there is no daddy around kids have a sense of these things and when they do ask questions we as parents have to tell them the truth because if we dont the world will and the end result is mot that bad there are a lot of things in life we as adults dont want to except but it is the truth! good luck wit everything and folow your heart because i did and there are hard times and there are good times but to me the good outweight the bad
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Old 09-05-2007, 01:56 AM   #4
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I can totally relate to this situation.
By the time came around that I wanted to abort it was too late. I have entertained the idea of adoption but I could not do that at 15 so what is my excuse at 31?
The father is in the military and he is still a kid himself (hence our problems) so him rasing the baby is not an option.
I have talked to his mom about raising the baby but is that fair to her?
I just so wish I had a job on the mainland and then things would be easier. I would be able to have my family near.
Good luck and wish you the best.

Jen Hawaii
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Old 09-12-2007, 10:08 PM   #5
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I'm new to this site, but I wanted to see how people are surviving what I went through not so long ago. And offer some words of reassurance. I have to say, about 3 years ago I found myself in a similar situation. I was a 27 year old professional woman, educated, and in a job I love. I felt that pang of "wow I'm stupid" and was quite embarrassed for almost 1/2 of my pregnancy. Most people I worked with didn't even know I was expecting for months. (Like 5!) If I knew just how supportive and loving people would be, I would have let the cat out of the bag sooner. I really could have used the hugs.
It's funny. When you're educated and single and pregnant, you don't quite fit any demographic. You don't fit the stereotype, you're not divorced, and you're certainly not helpless. You're more ok than people expect. That's probably one of the hard things in the beginning. (Raised Catholic, I also felt like I was "busted" doing something I "wasn't supposed to be doing")
I was at a point in my life where my life revolved around me, work, and my very active (and at times pretty rowdy) social life. What I gave up by having a baby was a selfish existence. And my bar tab. I couldn't justify not having her. What I found is that I love this kid more and I am much happier (all be it, more stressed and more exhausted) than I could have ever dreamed possible. There are times when it's very hard, but I'll tell you, it's worth every bit of it. Nothing makes the obstacles, many of which are short term, seem as trivial as the love you get in the long term from your child. And you get to do it your way. (so if the father wants out, just let him go So know if you have this baby, things will work out fine. People in worse situations make it work, and do a fabulous job of it!
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