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Old 01-07-2008, 08:59 AM   #1
Shardee'
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This is my first time on here and first pregnacy, so please bare with me. I was dating a guy for 8 months when i found out 3 weeks ago that he was seriously dating another woman who i knew nothing about. We stopped speaking with each other because of that, until 4 days later I found out I was pregnant. He told me the next day that he made the other girl his girlfriend, and that he was going into the Army in march. I asked him to stay until the baby is born, but he said that he is finacilly unstable and this is the best decision for him. . . . He also told me that he'll be gone for 4 years, but will send me money. Me and this guy are not an item, and I would never be with a man who is a cheater, lier, and would up and leave his family.
I am 22 years old, have my own place, nice job, and am a proffesional woman who can support myself and a child on my own. I have a wonderful support system; including my parents and many many girlfriends, 3 of which are single parents.
My dilema is this. . . . . there are days when i am extremely happy about having a child, pick out names, and discuss baby things with my girlfriends. But there are other days when i am scared and insecure about being a single parent, both mentally, physcially and emotionally. I was raised in a single family home and watched my father struggle; i always wanted to get married before I had a child. I know its early in my pregnacy and abortion is still an option. I feel guily for considering it, but those are my feelings and i cant deny them.
Everyone tells me to "Do whats best for me" But i have no idea what that is. . . . . . I have NO IDEA what to do, please help!!!!!
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Old 01-08-2008, 09:48 PM   #2
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I know exactly how you feel. Im not in the exact same situation but there are similarities. Im about 11 wks preg and me and the father are not getting along right now, so I dont have emotional support from him, although has been come to MD visits and wants to be apart of the childs life. My family however is another story. My mother tried to physically attack me when I told her I wasnt gonna have an abortion. My brother had to hold her down to keep from hurting me and I had to run out of the house and into my car for my safety. My dad is kinda supportive, but made it clear today how I have dissapointed him. My brother has sided with my mom and doesnt talk to me. Ive always been somewhat of a loner, so my girlfriend support is minimal. Im also a professional and make really good money. Taking all these things into consideration, Im keeping my baby no matter how much my family turns against me. Ive been through the whole abortion thing before. Im not gonna lie to you, its painful both physically and emotionally. Depending on where you are in life you might be happy if you do it, or you might feel sad. But you will never forget about the life you once had inside you. No one can tell you what to do. This decision is totally on you. But you can be well informed when you do make the choice. Whatever it is, make sure its a choice you can live with for the rest of your life. For me, at this point in my life, even though im not married, I fully believe Im capable both emotionally and financially to take care of this child. Even though the dad and I are not getting along right now, I have no doubt he will be there for his child both emotionally and financially. You might not have that with your child's father. But you do have the love and support of your friends and family. Something that I lack right now. Count your blessings and pray. Like I said, no one can make that choice but you. But whatever you decide be strong and confadent in it. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Old 01-09-2008, 02:19 AM   #3
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Wow!! Im a nurse also, which is what makes it so hard. I think about my life and my child and say "I am fully capable of raising this child on my own. I might not want to, but am fully capable to." Thats the hardest part. I just think about how i have the freedom to create a schedule around my child with this proffesion, and am truely blessed i choose it as my career. . . . What was the desiding factor that made you want to keep the baby? How long did it take you to make that decision?

P.s Im sooo glad you wrote me back. Thank you!
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Old 01-09-2008, 05:23 AM   #4
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I believe that once a baby is conceived, life was really meant to be. There are so many married couples out there who want a child and can't seem to have one... it is indeed a blessing when one is blessed with a baby.

When I found out I was pregnant, abortion wasnt even an option... I knew that it was God who created that baby and I will not interfere in His creation. I have no regrets. And yeah, I know that if I decided to terminate the pregnancy, I would live in regret all my life.

The father is not even in the picture but I'm sure I'm better off without him. Now I'm a happy single mom. Babies are always a blessing. Just look at mine and all the babies of the others in here who have grown to be kids now.
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Old 01-09-2008, 09:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shardee':
Wow!! Im a nurse also, which is what makes it so hard. I think about my life and my child and say "I am fully capable of raising this child on my own. I might not want to, but am fully capable to." Thats the hardest part. I just think about how i have the freedom to create a schedule around my child with this proffesion, and am truely blessed i choose it as my career. . . . What was the desiding factor that made you want to keep the baby? How long did it take you to make that decision?

P.s Im sooo glad you wrote me back. Thank you!
Wow thats cool, you're a nurse as well! Whats your specialty? Im in cardiology.

Anyway, my deciding factor to keep my child was because since I had been getting older, Ide actually been wanting a child. I would see other little babies and pregnant women and it would make me smile from the inside out. Im at a different point in my life. I had an abortion when I was around your age, but I was not done with my education, still lived at home with my parents, and the father was a bumb. I knew deep down inside that I was NOT ready for a child. Minutes after the procedure was over I cried. I cried because I knew I lost my baby, I cried because of the pain. But after that day I was relieved because I knew I could truly focus on getting the hect out of school with no distractions. But that "peace of mind" came with a price. As a got older I began to think about that baby and how my life would be with it. Then I began to get scared because I was with my current baby's father for 2 yrs and we never conceived. I thought maybe i ruined myself because of the abortion. (Which is a real possibility. If the place you go to is clean and safe and gives you the proper pre and post surgical care and meds u should be ok, but there is always a risk involved)When I finally conceived this child it was bitter sweet. More sweet than bitter. Me and my ex were pretty much done with each other, and bam! Here is this little one we made. The whole time we were together we both wanted a baby so bad. Thats why this time around, despite the circumstances and the severe lack of support from my family, I knew I wanted my baby. I still get my hormonal mood swings and entertain the thought of aborting. But when I really thing about it, I get excited thinking about looking into my baby's eyes when he or she gets here. Kissing him her and playing with him her and all of that stuff. That is so precious to me, it makes all of this that Im going through right now worth it.

So with all that being said, you really have to take a look at where you are in life and decide if this is what you really want. With either decision, you cant go back. But like the previous poster said, babies ae not an accident. God allows you to conceive for a reason. Just do what you feel is right in your heart, and you wont go wrong.
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Old 01-10-2008, 02:51 AM   #6
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Im an oncology nurse, and NO i havent pushed any chemo since i found out What is soo scarey is that i know what its like to be a single, all about me, come and go as I please individual; yet i hav noooooo clue what its like to be a parent. I changed my first diaper on a 90yo woman in a nursing home in my first semester of nursing school. I've never even been around children for along period of time as an adult, they used to freak me out. I question my parenting because i didnt grow up with a mother. . . Being pregnant is sooooo scary, i never knew missing a period could cause so much grief!!!!!
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Old 01-10-2008, 08:40 AM   #7
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Changing a diaper at work on a 90 yr old patient will be NOTHING like changing a diaper on your precious little baby! LOL Ive been about myself and very selfish all my life. I feel like this baby is an oppertunity for me to grow out of that selfishness and really learn the meaning of unconditional love.
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