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Old 03-31-2008, 10:02 AM   #1
yatzee
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Ok, so I need to vent. I just started my 13th week of pregnancy and last week I drove 7 and a half hours to get away from my abusive and drug addict of a husband. I have been married for 2 and a half years and it has been getting worse by the minute. I have always wanted a child, but by all means I never wished to be a single mother of a child whose father is a drug user. I'm trying to have a new start for my child and give it all I can. I guess I'm very afraid of failing. I am on my on on this, we both want a divorce and the husband wants to reject parental rights to free himself from any economic "burden" and I'm contemplating on it because I don't want my child going through want I went throught with the father. I am trying to juggle the pregnancy, relocating, finding a new job, insurance issues, living issues, divorce, and a lot more. For the past 4 months I've been highly stressed and I don't want to feel like this anymore because I know it can affect the baby. I try to keep my head up blow after blow, insult after insult, but my will and hope is being deminished. I try to sheer up by looking at sonogram pictures, but it makes me sad and scared. Not because of the child, but because of all that has been developing in the last year. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I wont give up, giving up is never an option, I just feel overwhelmed and scared.

sorry about the typos
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Old 03-31-2008, 06:52 PM   #2
mommycapri
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i'm 16 weeks in and my child's dad is not abusive, but he's asked me to go to a lawyer and get in writing that i want nothing from him. it's not exactly the same, but i know somewhat how you feel having a baby on the way with a dad who wants nothing to do with it. what i've learned is that you're seriously better off without him. and i know how hard it is to keep going after all the insults and hurtful words, and the best advice i've gotten is to cut off all communication with him. you're right, being stressed out is not going to help you at all! the other thing i've realized is really the only way to get through it is to take it one day at a time. otherwise you'll just get overwhelmed. but right now all you have to do is smile because you made it through today, and focus on tomorrow. eventually you'll have to plan things out for the future, but for now, just relax and enjoy today. it's so hard and i need to take my own advice most of the time, but when i can manage to stop worrying about everything that's out of my control (the kid's dad mainly), it makes it easier to make it through the day. he's going to do what he's going to do, and you're better off focusing on yourself than putting any more time or energy in to him than you have to. and welcome! i'm pretty new myself, but i get a lot of comfort out of reading what other people have to say. it makes me feel not so alone.
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Old 04-01-2008, 06:18 AM   #3
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Hello and welcome,

I'm a man so I can't say that I've ever been pregnant and alone, but I did want to say welcome to the site and feel free to vent. I bet there's quite a few members that are struggling to find the right words to say to you, with the difficult situation that you are in.

You moved 7.5hours last week? Do you have a place to live?

I'm curious about the father. Drug addict can range from someone stealing stuff for meth to people that drink every day but manage to hold a job. Where's your son's father fit into that spectrum? Does your son's father have a job? It's difficult to decide where the line should be drawn, where the child would be better off without their father (although when the father does not want to be involved, it usually means the kid would be better off without them).

I was born in Columbus, BTW...

Later,
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Old 04-01-2008, 09:45 AM   #4
yatzee
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Thank you for the welcoming. Yes I moved and for now I have a place to stay.

Well the father is a crack cocaine addict and has been dealing with his addiction since 1999 with no success. Since then, the longest he has held a job is 6 to 7 months at a time. His drug pattern is usually every 3 months going on a drug binge and in between my life with him can be great or miserable.

Honestly, I don't know what the best option is all I want is the best for the child. That's my reason for leaving. He wishes to give up his parental rights and if he wants that then I guess its better not to disagree and grant the petition. I don't want to obligate anyone to care about someone.

I like this place so far lets see how it goes.
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Old 04-01-2008, 10:01 AM   #5
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Wow...that *is* a drug addict. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. You and your child probably are better off without him in the picture.

It sounds like you have a good attitude in spite of all this. Keep it up, and things eventually will get better. There's a financial advisor woman that has a saying that goes something like, "there's few bad situations you can't get out of with a series of good decisions." It sounds like you're on your way to making that series of good decisions...

Later,
Bobby
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Old 04-01-2008, 10:08 AM   #6
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Thank you Bobby, I sure hope that I'm on that road of my own recovery from this bad experience. As long as I stand my ground the bebay and I should be ok.
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Old 04-01-2008, 10:21 AM   #7
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by mommycapri:
and i know how hard it is to keep going after all the insults and hurtful words, and the best advice i've gotten is to cut off all communication with him. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

VERY true, it is hard to brush off all the negative things a person that vowed to love and respect you has said to you. I have to look at myself everyday in the mirror and tell myself that its not true and that its not my fault. But its a process to unwind the burden that has been so deeply implanted.

I'm cutting off communication, its the best thing for me right now, there is no sense in someone blaming me for leaving or stating that it was my fault he went out on a binge. I need peace and harmony right now, I haven't had that sine 2002 that I have been with him, I think its long overdue.

Thank you for your advice mommycapri, and you hang in there as well becuase I know how you feel as well.
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Old 04-01-2008, 11:18 AM   #8
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Hi Yatzee. Welcome to SFV.

I have to commend you. It sounds like you are already taking steps to do what you need to do for your child's sake. And that means good stuff for you. None of us are perfect. We all have problems. But it's putting our kids first that makes us parents and it sounds like you are well on your way. Good for you for recognizing that you needed to get away from your husband. I think the excitement will come as your pregnancy progresses and you start making plans for your future.

I know the coming months are going to be hard for you. You're still early on in your pregnancy and there are, no doubt, challenges ahead. Stick around here! Great people here. Lots of knowledge and support.

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Old 04-03-2008, 11:21 PM   #9
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I am in a similar situation...I am 21 years old and 8 months pregnant. My ex and his mother both used meth "before" i met him..but as i got further into the relationship i realized he still is using which has caused him to become VERY emotionally and physically abusive. To make matters worse..i filed a restraining order because of threats i was receiving. Luckily, i was granted that, however in october i have to go to court to fight for custody!! I was shocked he's actually persueing this matter!! I have begged him several times to just sign away his rights because i know he is in a lot of debt to the state. So, in way i am a lil jealous.. no, seriously tho, i know how you feel about being alone and pushing on. Even tho this will be the hardest time in our lives we just need to remember this..god gives us the child we need. I believe i truely needed my son and he saved my life..if i wasn't pregnant i'd still be putting up for my ex..it took me standing up for my child to leave..for that i am forever thankful and willing to fight!! Hang in there..it gets better!! Go pamper yourself with mani's and pedi's and enjoy your time to relax now..cuz i hear we're in for a ride... hang in there and keep me posted!! good luck!!!
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Old 04-04-2008, 12:56 AM   #10
CandiMomOfThree
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Yatzee,

I too am in the same situation. When SD and I met he was on drugs and said that he would clean up as he really loved me and wanted to be together, so I take his word for it and we get together and have three beautiful kids. He was becomming very emotionally abusive nad lazy. He could not hold down a job and began stealing to support his habit.

I used to be a major drug addict myself and so started picking up the signs but everytime I tested him he would come back clean so I had no proof to stand by. (By the way I have been completely drug free for 3years now) So the abuse continued and so did our faulty relationship.

Then one day he phones me, after going misssing for almost a day and tells me, not asks me, tells me that he needs R1000 to get my car back. I asked him what he meant and he said that they had towed the car from where he left it. About half an hour later the drug dealers start phoning me, then it all came together and made sense. He pawned my car for drugs, along with a whole bunch of other things that belonged to me!!!!!

Needless to say I threw him out the house on the same day.

I was worse off than he was and I came right so I do not believe that he wants to. And I grew up in a family where people were using drugs around me and so I do not want that for my kids.

He now has nothing. No house, no car and no job. Quite frankly I do not care as he has brought all this upon himself.

it is hard being a single mother with three boys but I know that they will adjust and survive!!

Well just to share my story so you know that you are not alone
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Old 04-04-2008, 06:58 AM   #11
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I have to say that being a single mom is really hard, and you've got many challenges in your future.

However, you've all clearly already gotten experience in that area. I cannot imagine how terrifying and frightening it must be to live with a drug addict, who is irrational, unpredictable, and brings danger into both your lives, and the lives of the children.

I truly believe you will be so much better choosing to be alone as you raise your child, if you have that option. Making the choice to separate yourself and your children from an addict will make life much smoother in your future, I believe.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-05-2008, 10:53 AM   #12
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I have to agree with everyone here that it's a great thing you are doing by making tough choices and going ahead with them.

It sounds like you are thinking things through and making good choices. Just don't forget to take care of you (counseling, any religious involvements you may be interested in, Alanon, etc.)

I wish you the best.
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Old 04-24-2008, 04:07 PM   #13
nikki_JONES_3
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Hi,
I`m new here and im 24 weeks pregnant. My story is kinda long so bare with me. I`ve been in an on again off again relationship with a drug addict for 2 years. He is a wonderful person except for his drug use,it makes him very undependable. He kept telling me he wants to change his lifestyle(he hasn`t) and silly me fell for it. He didn`t want this baby but i decided that i will keep this baby no matter what he says.I know that living with an addict is not easy and you have to stay strong..Leave and don`t give anymore chances ...if he loves you and baby, he will try to get rehab don`t let him treat you like a doormat.
Now i`m not sure if i want him in my baby`s life. My story is alot longer but i wanted to let you know that you`re not alone with an addict. If you need to talk email me...
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