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Old 11-16-2005, 02:13 PM   #1
Twinkle
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Hi, this is the first time I have ever posted on the internet before....
Just under 4weeks ago (just 3 weeks before our 5 wedding anniversary) my husband came to me & said he was unhappy in our mariage... I was totally shellshocked as the previous week I had just told him I was pregnant with our 2nd child. He told me he would try out our marriage...anyway the next week & a bit is a total blur to me but somehow we decided that the best thing to do is for him to move out so we could have some space. The day before he moved out his assistant rang me to say that he had asked her if I rang to sy he was somewhere on campus when infact he was off saying this other woman who he had assured me on several occasion was just a old friend. So off course we had a huge fight. The first week we saw him a little bit and then on the Saturday he spent the day here with us doing the lawn etc & then left. Anyway a friend who is living in the same house as him rang me to say that he was so so sorry but he felt I had a right to know that my husband's car had a few nights of not being there & when he was there he was spending the time on the phone to her. Also someone else had told him that they had seen my husband walking hand in hand with his wife & you guessed it...it wasn't me. I went straight around to his flat to find his car was there but he wasn't. I don't know what happened but I drove around to her house and losted it completely screaming all kinds of things at her & my husband.. He finally admitted to me he had been sleeping with her & he was 'in love' with her...I felt so gutted as I had thought we were just getting some space not moving on...so much has happen in between then & now that I don't think I have the space to write it all down. He kepts telling me that he want to work out our marriage because of his committment to me but he can't stop feeling the way he does about her so doesn't want to try incase he can't do it. Part of me thinks its just an excuse as I feel if he really want to work at us then he would cut all ties & really work at us. I still love him so much & are finding is so so hard to let go esp when he says that one minute I want him the next I'm telling him to go. I just don't know what to do as I don't know how to stop loving him & move on...I got asked my a friend yesterday (this was after we had a huge fith with my husband saying that the affair was the best thing he ever did) what did I feel about the situation now & I said what scared me the most was that if he came to me at the mo & said he would cut ties with her & really try to work at our marriage I would take him back in a flash even after everything he has done....I just don't understand how anyone can treat another person the way he & this other woman have treated my esp when apparently she has gone thru this herself.
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Old 11-16-2005, 02:13 PM   #2
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Hi, this is the first time I have ever posted on the internet before....
Just under 4weeks ago (just 3 weeks before our 5 wedding anniversary) my husband came to me & said he was unhappy in our mariage... I was totally shellshocked as the previous week I had just told him I was pregnant with our 2nd child. He told me he would try out our marriage...anyway the next week & a bit is a total blur to me but somehow we decided that the best thing to do is for him to move out so we could have some space. The day before he moved out his assistant rang me to say that he had asked her if I rang to sy he was somewhere on campus when infact he was off saying this other woman who he had assured me on several occasion was just a old friend. So off course we had a huge fight. The first week we saw him a little bit and then on the Saturday he spent the day here with us doing the lawn etc & then left. Anyway a friend who is living in the same house as him rang me to say that he was so so sorry but he felt I had a right to know that my husband's car had a few nights of not being there & when he was there he was spending the time on the phone to her. Also someone else had told him that they had seen my husband walking hand in hand with his wife & you guessed it...it wasn't me. I went straight around to his flat to find his car was there but he wasn't. I don't know what happened but I drove around to her house and losted it completely screaming all kinds of things at her & my husband.. He finally admitted to me he had been sleeping with her & he was 'in love' with her...I felt so gutted as I had thought we were just getting some space not moving on...so much has happen in between then & now that I don't think I have the space to write it all down. He kepts telling me that he want to work out our marriage because of his committment to me but he can't stop feeling the way he does about her so doesn't want to try incase he can't do it. Part of me thinks its just an excuse as I feel if he really want to work at us then he would cut all ties & really work at us. I still love him so much & are finding is so so hard to let go esp when he says that one minute I want him the next I'm telling him to go. I just don't know what to do as I don't know how to stop loving him & move on...I got asked my a friend yesterday (this was after we had a huge fith with my husband saying that the affair was the best thing he ever did) what did I feel about the situation now & I said what scared me the most was that if he came to me at the mo & said he would cut ties with her & really try to work at our marriage I would take him back in a flash even after everything he has done....I just don't understand how anyone can treat another person the way he & this other woman have treated my esp when apparently she has gone thru this herself.
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Old 11-16-2005, 02:54 PM   #3
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Hi Twinkle,

Some things can't be explained, I have no idea why someone would treat anyone else this way either. I wish there was something good to say. All I can offer is this.

Remember you are a wonderful person and you dserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Relationships are supposed to be supportive and fun not painful and heartbreaking.

Allowing yourself to remain in this relationship may drag out your pain. If you get a clean break, though it may hurt terribly you can begin to heal.

If you ever need to talk, there are wonderful people on this forum that will be there for you in anyway they can be.

Rob
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Old 11-16-2005, 04:33 PM   #4
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Hi twinkle and welcome.


I am so sorry this is all happening to your family.
You have found a good place here with a lot of good people with a wide variety of experiences behind them.

It sounds like all these things are happening very quickly and sound very overwhelming. I hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can right now.
My thoughts are with you.
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Old 11-29-2005, 11:48 AM   #5
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Unfortunately, he is probably huring somewhere too, although it may not seem like it. However you have an escape from the madness... the child you already have and this gorgeous one on the way. Stay on this forum. It saved me when I was going through massive problems. It really helps to know that even though these people on here don't know me, they care and some of them have even been there. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!!!
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Old 11-29-2005, 01:30 PM   #6
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Twinkle,
Welcome. Please stick around and join in. As Emilyandbaby stated, there are many different people with experience, stories, and advice to share.

I have no explaination for you and I think it best for you not to ask him for one. He can not give you one or at least one that will make you feel any better. If he offers anything it will be heated and hurt you badly because it will all sound as if you are at fault. Please know that I believe you are not at fault. Pick up what seems like very small pieces right now and care for yourself and your children. If you go chasing and searching for answers you will find only more pain. He is out, let him be. Just make sure he is taking care of your children.

Word from the wise, get a temporary order for support now.
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Old 11-30-2005, 03:43 AM   #7
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Like Harmony said �I hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can right now.� There are no answers it is cruel and horrible and there are too many people here who have had similar experiences in their lives. If it helps vent here - we do understand what you are going through.
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