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Old 09-23-2004, 06:53 PM   #1
charlitalks
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I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant. Unfortunatley, I am not with the father of the baby. He is 29 and is actually denying this baby. He continues to say he is not the father. I have tried speaking to him once, as adults, and he basically didn't want to hear it. He didn't even want to speak face to face. During the duration of the conversation, he continued to say its someone elses child. I know and so do all the creators above, know he is the father. I have not ask him for anything. All I asked of him was, when the baby is born, for him to take a paternity test. All I want is for my son/daughter to have his/her father's last name. He is of Mexican desent, and I feel stronger about my child knowing where they came from. I don't want to be in any intimate relationship with him, I just want to remain his friend, so my child can know his/her father.
He is now dating another co-worker of mine who is only about 23 years old. I know he has told her because now she looks at me differently. Whenever anyone speaks to me about my pregnancy or asks questions about the father, she simply walks away (mind you, no one at my job knows he is the father). Please, someone talk to me. Should I confront him once more? Should I try to speak to him as an adult again, or leave it up the the courts to decide?
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Old 09-23-2004, 06:53 PM   #2
charlitalks
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I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant. Unfortunatley, I am not with the father of the baby. He is 29 and is actually denying this baby. He continues to say he is not the father. I have tried speaking to him once, as adults, and he basically didn't want to hear it. He didn't even want to speak face to face. During the duration of the conversation, he continued to say its someone elses child. I know and so do all the creators above, know he is the father. I have not ask him for anything. All I asked of him was, when the baby is born, for him to take a paternity test. All I want is for my son/daughter to have his/her father's last name. He is of Mexican desent, and I feel stronger about my child knowing where they came from. I don't want to be in any intimate relationship with him, I just want to remain his friend, so my child can know his/her father.
He is now dating another co-worker of mine who is only about 23 years old. I know he has told her because now she looks at me differently. Whenever anyone speaks to me about my pregnancy or asks questions about the father, she simply walks away (mind you, no one at my job knows he is the father). Please, someone talk to me. Should I confront him once more? Should I try to speak to him as an adult again, or leave it up the the courts to decide?
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Old 09-26-2004, 04:33 AM   #3
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YOU want this man to be a part of your childs life because you want him/her to know where he came from but really you need to know that YOU will be enough for your child as long as you are strong. A man who wants to deny the paternity of his child will unfortunately most likely never be an ideal father for your child and instead will be someone you probably will wish you never told or pushed. Paternity needs to be established if you are going to go for child support but otherwise I would not confront him again. My ex for the longest time said he was not the father of our son and once it was proven he still is not active in his life. If I could take back time I never would have told him because now I am afraid that all my son will ever have is a dad who comes around only when he feels it is convenient to him and not care about our son. I am enough for my son and showing him a lot of love and letting him know about who he is through me and the things I can tell him about his father and that side of the family (obviously neevr anything negative) is enough. No man is worth all of that pain and if he can cause that much pain to you now without a care then he has that much of a possibility of causing that much pain to your child.
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Old 10-10-2004, 04:20 PM   #4
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I understand being confused, because that is how i feel most of the time. However, as lonely as I sometimes feel, if my baby's father denied paternity, I think I would give him his walking papers. As easy as that sounds I know it isn't. You will survive, be strong amiga!
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Old 12-31-2004, 08:44 PM   #5
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by charlitalks:
[qb] I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant. Unfortunatley, I am not with the father of the baby. He is 29 and is actually denying this baby. He continues to say he is not the father. I have tried speaking to him once, as adults, and he basically didn't want to hear it. He didn't even want to speak face to face. During the duration of the conversation, he continued to say its someone elses child. I know and so do all the creators above, know he is the father. I have not ask him for anything. All I asked of him was, when the baby is born, for him to take a paternity test. All I want is for my son/daughter to have his/her father's last name. He is of Mexican desent, and I feel stronger about my child knowing where they came from. I don't want to be in any intimate relationship with him, I just want to remain his friend, so my child can know his/her father.
He is now dating another co-worker of mine who is only about 23 years old. I know he has told her because now she looks at me differently. Whenever anyone speaks to me about my pregnancy or asks questions about the father, she simply walks away (mind you, no one at my job knows he is the father). Please, someone talk to me. Should I confront him once more? Should I try to speak to him as an adult again, or leave it up the the courts to decide? [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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Old 12-31-2004, 08:48 PM   #6
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by charlitalks:
[qb] I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant. Unfortunatley, I am not with the father of the baby. He is 29 and is actually denying this baby. He continues to say he is not the father. I have tried speaking to him once, as adults, and he basically didn't want to hear it. He didn't even want to speak face to face. During the duration of the conversation, he continued to say its someone elses child. I know and so do all the creators above, know he is the father. I have not ask him for anything. All I asked of him was, when the baby is born, for him to take a paternity test. All I want is for my son/daughter to have his/her father's last name. He is of Mexican desent, and I feel stronger about my child knowing where they came from. I don't want to be in any intimate relationship with him, I just want to remain his friend, so my child can know his/her father.
He is now dating another co-worker of mine who is only about 23 years old. I know he has told her because now she looks at me differently. Whenever anyone speaks to me about my pregnancy or asks questions about the father, she simply walks away (mind you, no one at my job knows he is the father). Please, someone talk to me. Should I confront him once more? Should I try to speak to him as an adult again, or leave it up the the courts to decide? [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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Old 12-31-2004, 10:15 PM   #7
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When I read your story it brought back so many memories. And I wish I would have received some advice back then. I know that everyone's situation is different, but if I had to do it all over again I wish I could. First of all, I would not waste your time with this man. He has already showed you his true side. It is hard not to have feelings for someone that you are having a child with and sometimes we do not want to let go. Trust me it doesn't sound like this man is going to give you any support and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You need to handle it through the legal system. After giving birth, go through your local child support enforcement agency and let them handle it from there. I handled it the other way when I had my son. His father denied he was the father and left me alone during my pregnancy. When he was born, he was in and out. I never went through the legal system cause I was so emotionaly attached to this man and he always knew the right things to say to talk me out if. I always thought I was doing the right thing for my son, by keeping his father in his life, even if it wasn't steady and I had to make all the effort. My son is almost 9 now. and I feel that it has caused him more pain. If I knew what I know now I would have spared us both the pain and never allowed his father to manipulate me. I can only imagine how you feel right now. Just try to surround yourself with people who will provide love and support. You can do it!
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Old 01-01-2005, 01:36 PM   #8
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Take him to court. He will have to take a paternity test and his wages will be garnished. If he chooses not to be a part of this child's life then so be it, but at least your child will know and you will have some financial support. He won't be able to deny the results. Going to court will cause less stress because it will not be up to you to take care of everything by trying to get him to agree to the test.
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Old 01-01-2005, 02:13 PM   #9
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Hello Julie, You can name your child Elvis Presley if you want to, I am truely sorry for the place you find your self in but if it isn't legal it just doesn't count in most states, The court thing is hard ,I have been there and done that Thank God now my kid's are old enough to protect them selves 18\20 but there was and still is a whole lot of misery me and my kid's are forced to endure almost daily , due to one fickle Dad, and 25yr's of our lives lost Chin up.
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Old 01-01-2005, 03:19 PM   #10
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Give the last name thing alot of thought. I gave Jack his father's last name when he was born. His health insurance was also in his father's name.

I had to take Jack to the ER when he was an infant, and the hospital wouldn't release Jack back into my custody. I had to go to the courthouse, and get a certified copy of his birth certificate and prove that I was his mother.

It's also quite embarrassing when you take your child to a playgroup, and you have a different last name, and people say, "Miss. X, so are you his mother, I see you have a different name"

I had a different last name then my mother when I was a child, it opened the door to teasing and questions from other children. How will a 7yo answer that question when asked, "Why do you have a different last name then your mommy?"

If you file for child support, the CS office will have him served with papers. When he makes his court appearance, he can request a paternity test. He'll have to pay for it, but he'll probably get one.

Don't sweat your co-worker. If she looks at you funny, just rub your belly and smile at her.
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Old 01-01-2005, 05:49 PM   #11
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He may not want to be a dad, and can deny his child all he wants..."DNA don't lie". Handle it through the courts. If he didn't want the responsibility, or all that comes with a child, the decision was easy...CONDOM.
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