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Old 08-23-2007, 09:56 AM   #1
Jillianwalk
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I just found out that I am pregnant again. I already have a 4 year old son with a different father. The father of this unborn baby would be there for the baby but is really not ready for this. He is entertaining the idea of abortion. I always said that I would NEVER, EVER abort an innocent baby but I even find myself looking to this as an option. I do not know what to do as I don't think I could ever live with myself if I went through with the procedure.
You see, I am 25 years old and back living with my parents. They have been very supportive of my son and me, such as helping me with childcare and paying for my education. I am very lucky. My mother even retired (at the age of 50) to watch my son while I go back to school full time. To have another baby with a different father would make them so ashamed of me that I think they might come close to disowning me! I don't think they would continue to help me as they are right now and I am positive that I would be forced to go live on my own, which I can not afford (although I wish to God I could because living with your parents at the age of 25 is just not supposed to happen. They try to treat me like I am 14 with all the questioning and nagging, and even trying to instill a curfew when I don't even have my son! I feel like I am treated like a child. Anyway...) They would look at me like I am such a shameful disappointment to them all, like I am nothing but a ****. Pretty much, if I have this child it will ruin the way everyone perceives me to be and will also ruin or halt my support, hopes, and dreams. But I also know that even though this will ruin my life, I don't think I could ever live with myself if I aborted the pregnancy. The baby's father and I are both young (I am 25 and he is 23) and do not have any money. The only way another pregnancy would be supported by my family would be if I was married. I have even joked that we should elope to Vegas and pretend we got pregnant on our "honeymoon"! I obviously can not live in my parents home with 2 children from 2 different fathers. I do not know what to do and I am so upset that I didn't learn my lesson. Although my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I did not see another child being born out of wedlock in my future. I do not know how I ever allowed this to happen. I am a very smart girl with a bright future (I am going to school for nursing) and a prestigous family, but what I have done is very frowned upon and is not acceptable.
If anyone has any advice for me at all I am all ears. I know that everyone is going to say that I will know what to do eventually and that everything will fall into place, but I am not so sure that I am capable of making a decision that won't ruin me forever. I guess in my mind the only thing to do is have this child, but I will lose my family and education. I would probably end up having to depend on government assistance which is hard to get out of. I will lose any respect and help that I had from my parents. Please, someone, help me to figure out what I can do. Aside from moving to the other side of the earth.
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Old 08-23-2007, 09:56 AM   #2
Jillianwalk
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I just found out that I am pregnant again. I already have a 4 year old son with a different father. The father of this unborn baby would be there for the baby but is really not ready for this. He is entertaining the idea of abortion. I always said that I would NEVER, EVER abort an innocent baby but I even find myself looking to this as an option. I do not know what to do as I don't think I could ever live with myself if I went through with the procedure.
You see, I am 25 years old and back living with my parents. They have been very supportive of my son and me, such as helping me with childcare and paying for my education. I am very lucky. My mother even retired (at the age of 50) to watch my son while I go back to school full time. To have another baby with a different father would make them so ashamed of me that I think they might come close to disowning me! I don't think they would continue to help me as they are right now and I am positive that I would be forced to go live on my own, which I can not afford (although I wish to God I could because living with your parents at the age of 25 is just not supposed to happen. They try to treat me like I am 14 with all the questioning and nagging, and even trying to instill a curfew when I don't even have my son! I feel like I am treated like a child. Anyway...) They would look at me like I am such a shameful disappointment to them all, like I am nothing but a ****. Pretty much, if I have this child it will ruin the way everyone perceives me to be and will also ruin or halt my support, hopes, and dreams. But I also know that even though this will ruin my life, I don't think I could ever live with myself if I aborted the pregnancy. The baby's father and I are both young (I am 25 and he is 23) and do not have any money. The only way another pregnancy would be supported by my family would be if I was married. I have even joked that we should elope to Vegas and pretend we got pregnant on our "honeymoon"! I obviously can not live in my parents home with 2 children from 2 different fathers. I do not know what to do and I am so upset that I didn't learn my lesson. Although my son is the best thing that has ever happened to me, I did not see another child being born out of wedlock in my future. I do not know how I ever allowed this to happen. I am a very smart girl with a bright future (I am going to school for nursing) and a prestigous family, but what I have done is very frowned upon and is not acceptable.
If anyone has any advice for me at all I am all ears. I know that everyone is going to say that I will know what to do eventually and that everything will fall into place, but I am not so sure that I am capable of making a decision that won't ruin me forever. I guess in my mind the only thing to do is have this child, but I will lose my family and education. I would probably end up having to depend on government assistance which is hard to get out of. I will lose any respect and help that I had from my parents. Please, someone, help me to figure out what I can do. Aside from moving to the other side of the earth.
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:23 PM   #3
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Hello,

I was going to say welcome to the site, but I see that you've been registered longer than I have! So I'm just gonna say, "Nice to meet you."

First, it's wonderful that you're considering the father's position on abortion, but in the end it's your decision and you're going to have to make one that you can live with. It sounds like father is being somewhat supportive though, and it's great that he would be there for the baby.

As for your family, understand that you can survive without them and it will be impossible for this child to ruin your life. I was 18 when I made my son. I was an embarrassment to my family, and they essentially disowned me after I married my son's mother. We lived in government housing, bought food with WIC checks, and did other things that I considered shameful during my priveledged childhood. I did finish school, however. I've finished 3 degrees, actually, including an MS after my son's mother left us. It was hard, but by doing it myself I think that I gained a sense of self-sufficiency that I don't think that I could have gotten otherwise. The thought of being forced on your own is scary, but the support your parents are giving you may actually be robbing you of the opportunity to prove to yourself that you can do this.

I hope this helps. It's just the truth. It sounds like you're making a good decision, going to school for nursing. Remember...long term everything *will* be OK.

Later,
Bobby
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Old 09-01-2007, 08:59 PM   #4
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dont worry your story is somewhat simalar to mine i am 29 and have a 5 year old whose father has not been active in her life im now almost eight monhs pregnat by a man who i was with for 31\2 years but has completly cut contact with me because i decided to have the baby instead of abort we no longer even talk and it hurts a lot but wen i look at my 5 year old daughter i could not imagine my life without her and and hopeless as i feel sometimes i know from raising her alone to this point that i will be alright it wont be easy but it is possisble and by the way i am a full time nursing student and i find it very difficult at times but i know in the ong run it is all worth it dont let anyone put you down or tell you that you cant do it because you can i also know that it is hard to accept help fron the goverment but it is just that everyone needs help and that is why it is there you just have to set your goal and go for it there is nothing wrong with using the system for help the problem is using the system to stay where you are you aregoing to make the right decision for you and you child just understand you are not alone and no matter what people think or say about you at the end of the day its you who have tolive with your choices not them i hope you see that everything will be fine it ust takes time and you can do it!
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Old 09-03-2007, 10:02 PM   #5
Jen Hawaii
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I agree with BigBobby in that until your out on your own you will not be able to prove yourself. Its sad to say but your parents are treating you like a child because that seems to me to be how you are acting.
I think we would all love to have the perfect little family with two parents and happy kids but that is just not how life plays out for most of us.
We have obsticales and we have to overcome them. I personally am thankful that we no longer live in a time where you are forced to stay in a miserable relationship just to save face. My grandparents are of that generation and my grandfather beat the **** out of my grandmother for years and years and they are still married because of that generational mindset.
Protect yourself from getting in the situation where you are going to have another child out of wedlock. There are so many options today and only you can decide what is best for you.

I have had 3 kids so far (pregnant with #4), I have has a child pass away, I have had an abortion and I have had 2 misscarraiges. So I have experienced it ALL!

I do not regret any of the decisions I have made because at the time they were the best decisions I could make at the time.

Live and learn I guess is all I can pretty much say.

Jen Hawaii
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Old 09-03-2007, 10:40 PM   #6
astarte502
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You have to make the decision that is best for you and your son and only you know if you can live with having an abortion. Whatever you do, you will make it through. I love the saying "you never know the strength of a woman till she's in hot water". You will find the strength. I promise.
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