Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey 29. 4KIDS. VERY MUCH ALONE. - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
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Old 09-02-2007, 10:47 AM   #1
NIKKIMARX
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im 29 yrs old from central nj. i had my first child at 20 during a three year relationship from ****, where he cheated on me, beat me and ultimately abondoned me. he left when my son was 5 monhts and that was 10 years ago. my second relationship started when he was about 2 years old and 5 months into it, i got pregnant with my daughter. we both were still young, inexperienced and it was apparent he was not ready to be a father. deciding the best for everyone, we split when she was four months old. he takes excellent care of her and supports her 100%...my third child came during a weekend long partying event where friends at the time were horrible influences. not even knowing who his father was, i kept him and now at the age of three found out who his father is, and he wants to have nothing to do with him, yet he pays support....i spent a great deal of time "single" went back to college and got my associates degree. have had a stable home now for 7 years. and always kept a job to support the kids without the great need for state assistance. .... i met a guy in may. and thought "he's the one"... on the pill, i got pregnant anyway coming to find medications i was on possibly altered it. here i am now, 8 weeks along and he too is gone. im about to have a fourth child, by a fourth man, and im very much alone.
through the years i have lost good and bad friends and my family has become more and more distant. i do not have a healthy relationship with my mother and/or father and dont make that much money. i get by with what i can as i am humble and try to live as reasonably modest as possible. (not easy with school aged kids) ...

.. i have been in positions of nearly losing jobs because of missed time due to kids' illness, or my own from mere exhaustion. i am not sure if i am coming or going anymore.

the most recent guy has decided that he does not want this baby and that if i do have it he has no choice but to support it. i personally can care less and would wish him a good ridence.

anyone out there able to help? right now im in need of advice/help on alternate daycare/childcare ideas for when the children are sick so i dont miss work. ideas for meeting other parents who wont pass judgement or ridicule me for my choices and thus pass that on to my children. ideas for teaching my children to respect me and my choices as well...

im sure ill have more to ad as people respond =)
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Old 09-02-2007, 10:47 AM   #2
NIKKIMARX
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im 29 yrs old from central nj. i had my first child at 20 during a three year relationship from ****, where he cheated on me, beat me and ultimately abondoned me. he left when my son was 5 monhts and that was 10 years ago. my second relationship started when he was about 2 years old and 5 months into it, i got pregnant with my daughter. we both were still young, inexperienced and it was apparent he was not ready to be a father. deciding the best for everyone, we split when she was four months old. he takes excellent care of her and supports her 100%...my third child came during a weekend long partying event where friends at the time were horrible influences. not even knowing who his father was, i kept him and now at the age of three found out who his father is, and he wants to have nothing to do with him, yet he pays support....i spent a great deal of time "single" went back to college and got my associates degree. have had a stable home now for 7 years. and always kept a job to support the kids without the great need for state assistance. .... i met a guy in may. and thought "he's the one"... on the pill, i got pregnant anyway coming to find medications i was on possibly altered it. here i am now, 8 weeks along and he too is gone. im about to have a fourth child, by a fourth man, and im very much alone.
through the years i have lost good and bad friends and my family has become more and more distant. i do not have a healthy relationship with my mother and/or father and dont make that much money. i get by with what i can as i am humble and try to live as reasonably modest as possible. (not easy with school aged kids) ...

.. i have been in positions of nearly losing jobs because of missed time due to kids' illness, or my own from mere exhaustion. i am not sure if i am coming or going anymore.

the most recent guy has decided that he does not want this baby and that if i do have it he has no choice but to support it. i personally can care less and would wish him a good ridence.

anyone out there able to help? right now im in need of advice/help on alternate daycare/childcare ideas for when the children are sick so i dont miss work. ideas for meeting other parents who wont pass judgement or ridicule me for my choices and thus pass that on to my children. ideas for teaching my children to respect me and my choices as well...

im sure ill have more to ad as people respond =)
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Old 09-03-2007, 08:33 PM   #3
Jen Hawaii
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I am about to have my fourth child from yet another different dad also.
I started when I was just 16 and my daughter is now 15. Then I got married to a guy for "stability" he ended up leaving but then came back and we had a son who would have been 12 but passed away at 3 months. So we divorced then I had another child John who is 9 and his dad was in Italy when I found out I was pregnant. Needless to say we never had anything. Now after 9 years of being fixed I decided I should get my tubes untied for my current husband and am now pregnant again.
My kids hate my husband and I do more and more every day. My kids are now living in WA with my ex's mom (not blood related to them). My son watched my husband beat me pretty badly and my daughters friend's mom had to call the cops so after that my daughter lost her friend.
I have left and gone back so many times and am stuck!
I can be an ear to talk to if you want because I have been there. TRUST ME!

Jen Hawaii
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Old 09-04-2007, 12:44 PM   #4
me_and_alec
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In my area there is a hospital with a program called Under the Weather. It is where I take my son when I have to work and he has a fever or something else that the daycare will not accomodate. It can be pricey, but the alternative of losing my job would be a much higher price to pay.

Just a thought.
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:02 AM   #5
tree
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I am so sad after reading these two letters. Mostly because I have been there myself. Three kids and three different fathers. Married to all of them and all of them ending up to be addicts.Yeah, I sure know how to pick em! Never did drugs a day in my life.
Now at 43, I am single and have been for many years. What I had to do is work on my self esteem and try to figure out why I kept making the same mistakes. I gave up on trying to find a man. My self worth is not defined on whether or not I have someone in my life. I spent a lot of time reading self help books and learning to love ME! I learned how to forgive myself and asked my girls for forgiveness too.
I cleaned house! I got rid of drama and friends that did nothing but take my energy and brought nothing to the table. I got rid of negative influences including my mother who never did anything to build me up but contantly put me down for skills I didnt have because SHE never taught them to me!
I only have one child at home with me now. My two older girls are my best friends and then=y now tell me that seeing me stand up for myself and take charge made them strong. they call me thier hero! Imagine that...In the eyes of my girls I am a hero!
Do not make excuses or justify what has happended in the past. Own it, move forward, and then, kick men to the curb because they will never be able to give you what you can give yourself. Happiness.
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