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Old 02-07-2005, 12:43 AM   #1
want2bhappy
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Hi, I am 16 weeks pregnant and alone. I got pregnant after a brief encounter with my ex boyfriend( we had been friends for years since we broke up). I decided as being together, as in us being a couple was a bad idea and would only complicate matters. Now he never calls to check on the pregnancy and halfway listens when I call him. He said he wanted to be informed about things and go to the ultrasound, etc. so I went for my first one a couple weeks ago and true to his word he came. He looked awful, like he hadnt slept in days, so I felt bad for him. come to find out he had been up for three days doing coke. I had to move in with my grandma, due to expenses and he helps with nothing but has the time and money to spend on drugs. and its getting really hard not to hate and resent him. I dont want to feel this way. But i am struggling to pay my bills and sick all the time, my car just broke down and he is out livin it up.
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Old 02-07-2005, 12:43 AM   #2
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Hi, I am 16 weeks pregnant and alone. I got pregnant after a brief encounter with my ex boyfriend( we had been friends for years since we broke up). I decided as being together, as in us being a couple was a bad idea and would only complicate matters. Now he never calls to check on the pregnancy and halfway listens when I call him. He said he wanted to be informed about things and go to the ultrasound, etc. so I went for my first one a couple weeks ago and true to his word he came. He looked awful, like he hadnt slept in days, so I felt bad for him. come to find out he had been up for three days doing coke. I had to move in with my grandma, due to expenses and he helps with nothing but has the time and money to spend on drugs. and its getting really hard not to hate and resent him. I dont want to feel this way. But i am struggling to pay my bills and sick all the time, my car just broke down and he is out livin it up.
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Old 02-07-2005, 09:40 PM   #3
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Hi and welcome. I feel for you being pregnant and alone. But as for him it sounds like you need to stay away from him. I truely do not understand why killing so many brain cells at one time is so important to someone, that's not to mention what else it does to the body. Since when is doing coke living it up? Sounds more like a death sentence to me.
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Old 03-05-2005, 05:39 PM   #4
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I agree with tomany2count. You don't need to be around someone that's doing drugs. If he's addicted to coke, that's where his money is going to go. It's ok to feel badly about him. He is destroying his life, and missing out on so much.

You need to stay strong, and let him figure it out. Hopefully, your grandma is supportive. You should look into assistance from your state as another option. Don't feel bad or guilty for asking for help.
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Old 03-05-2005, 05:55 PM   #5
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I'm sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Drugs are something I used to think could be changed about a person. I used to believe that I could be "the one" to change that poor man on that horrible path of life. Since my kids, I've opted to worry about them instead. I'm not saying that people can't change...but your Ex knows he's going to be a father in a short while. He deep down has to believe that he isn't responsible for anything having to do with that baby too.

I too suggest steering clear of that man. Tell him if he wants to participate in his child's life...he needs to clean up his act. I had to put my Ex on supervised visitations in the court order b/c of his lifestyle habits. Most of them haven't changed, but to the best of my knowledge cocaine has not be in his house since my daughter was born.

There are steps you can take to make sure that you and your child are protected. You need to concentrate on the two of you, and stop wasting energy worrying about him. Worrying never got any of us anywhere...it's one of the least productive words in the dictionary.
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Old 03-05-2005, 06:08 PM   #6
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Good advice from Blindsky. You have enough on your plate. When you think of him "living it up", just remember how he looked that morning. He probably felt like ____, had no money in his pocket, and was miserable. Don't feel bad for him. He's doing it to himself.

You need to focus on your own success, and prepare yourself to do this without him. You're lucky you have family to fall back on, I bet your grandma loves you alot.
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Old 03-05-2005, 06:17 PM   #7
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Stay away from him until he gets help and can get his drug habit under control. The saying once and addict always and addict is true, however and addict can have their habit under control.

Prepare yourself for the joys of motherhood. I spent my pregnancy feeling slightly depressed and never got to fully enjoy being pregnant and feeling blessed because not all women have the ability to be pregnant. Now, looking back on being pregnant, I wish I had enjoyed it and really relished in it because I never know if I will be pregnant again. I hope that you enjoy looking forward to being a mother because the time with your baby will go by so fast.
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Old 03-07-2005, 11:07 PM   #8
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Thanks for the support everyone. i guess I didnt really mean he was livin it up, i only meant he was out spending his time and money freely, and i sit at home and worry. I certainly wouldnt choose his lifestyle, and i wouldnt choose any degree of "livin it up" over the little life I have inside me. I am trying to enjoy my pregancy. Its a little girl and she just started moving, he is the one missing out. And it will proboly always be that way.
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Old 03-08-2005, 06:56 AM   #9
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Hey glad to see you back! I think that was one of the neatest things about being pregnant was feeling the baby move the first time. SSSSoooo cool. I know these things because I have been pregnant enough times.
Anyway glad to see you come back to the site. I hope you can stick around.
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Old 03-08-2005, 09:36 AM   #10
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Hey girl, nice to see you back. You are right, he is definetly the one who is missing out and always will be missing out. He has already missed so much and will be missing much more. Take care of yourself. I know that when I found out I was having a little girl I got so excited and it made my pregnancy without him much much easier. Little girls are truly a blessing (all babies are), but little girls are so much fun you will have a blast with her.
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Old 03-08-2005, 11:02 PM   #11
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i just want to say that i am amazed by how many women have had and are having experiences so similar to my own. i wish that i had found this forum a couple of years ago, when i was pregnant. before i invested so much in a man who is unwilling to invest in family. god, i hope you follow the advise of people like blindsky, who survived it. save yourself some pain. best of luck.
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