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Old 08-27-2005, 11:44 PM   #1
hope4joy
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You know what I can't understand is why the father of my unborn baby isn't court ordered to pay child support while I am pregnant I mean I have to spend extra money on maternity clothes and buy extra food healthy food I have to take trips to the doctors office I can't work full-time in security any more so money is low and that jerk drives around in an almost brand new car shopping at the mall bi-weekly A woman is the chosen vessel for life and in todays time it costs a lot of money to be pregnant Why should he be able to party and live his life freely single while I carry our baby alone I think his selfish no good lying ungrateful of my love wanna be a pimp A@# should have to pay NOW that felt good I need to go and pray about it so I can sleep tonight
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Old 08-27-2005, 11:44 PM   #2
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You know what I can't understand is why the father of my unborn baby isn't court ordered to pay child support while I am pregnant I mean I have to spend extra money on maternity clothes and buy extra food healthy food I have to take trips to the doctors office I can't work full-time in security any more so money is low and that jerk drives around in an almost brand new car shopping at the mall bi-weekly A woman is the chosen vessel for life and in todays time it costs a lot of money to be pregnant Why should he be able to party and live his life freely single while I carry our baby alone I think his selfish no good lying ungrateful of my love wanna be a pimp A@# should have to pay NOW that felt good I need to go and pray about it so I can sleep tonight
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Old 08-28-2005, 12:21 AM   #3
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...welcome to SFV hope4joy. Happy to see you found a place to vent.

The answer to your question is basic. Until the child is born, under the law, paternity cannot be established definitively. Without paternity, no law can be applied. After the birth he can either freely jump in to the picture and not contest paternity or he can do it the hard way and let the courts force a paternity test.

You have found a place to vent and make new friends. Please enjoy both.
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Old 08-28-2005, 01:48 AM   #4
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I totally understand how you feel. My retarded ex, (that felt good to say) does about the same thing. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with his son and he doesn't care. Meanwhile he goes out and parties and dates trashy *women* I'm sure. I've got no help from him for doctor's bills or nothin! He just told me today he wants no part of our son's life. Why do men think they can just get away with no responsibility? Well, I'll get his *** for child support. If he doesn't want to pay, the cops can arrest him for it later in life! take care and if ya need to vent, I'm here!
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Old 08-28-2005, 12:52 PM   #5
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I haven't talked to my ex in 3 months, haven't seen him in 4 months, and I am a lot happier because of it. I'm almost 32 weeks and the donor (whom i was engaged to) hasn't even asked to see any one of the 3 ultra sound pics of his son which he brags to all of his friends that he is "oh so proud of." The only reason he knows I'm having a boy is because i accidentally called the baby a "he" when his roommate called to check on me -- yes his roommate is more involved in his unborn son's life than he is. I love how some guys can help make a baby and then skip out on the entire pregnancy while the mom struggles by herself just to make ends meet, then they show up on delivery day and pretend to be the most wonderful father in the world. Little does he know...he's gonna get nailed to the wall before this is over...he has no clue. I know that there are wonderful men out there...I just have trouble meeting them.
Anyway, hope4joy, I'm here if you need to talk/vent.
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Old 09-03-2005, 07:51 PM   #6
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My donor was not there for the whole pregnancy either. I understand that you can not establish paternity before the birth, other than an amino ( which is unsafe and not worth the risk) but if paternity is established then you should be able to sue the men for half the maternity expenses. And i am not just talking medical expenses but clothes, gas, time from work, etc. It is too late for me but why dont one of you girls start saving your recipts and try it.
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Old 09-03-2005, 07:56 PM   #7
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If you were to go through a surrogate pregnancy you would be responsible for those expenses mentioned by want2bhappy and have to pay the "carrier"
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Old 09-06-2005, 10:30 AM   #8
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well guys i was going to go the prenatal paternity route too becasue my ex doesnt believe she is his, cuz i was dating someone else after we split up, and yeah i guess there could be a chance, if sperm can swim for at least a week, but she she was conceived on the day me and my ex were together (funny i told him that day i never wanted to see him again and he showed up and you know how emotions can be) it was at least 2000.00 and risky with the amnio. in my state their is no legal father unless you are married or the father has to sign a voluntary parentage form or have a paternity test, which can be free through the courts after you file a complaint for paternity, get him in court get the judge to order the test and wait for results. i decided to talk with the social worker at the hospital and she refferred me to a dna lab (same one Maury Povich uses-haha) it costs approx 550.00 for the paternity testing, the mom and dad go for their testing beforehand (mouth swab) and you are given a kit to take to the hospital, once the baby is born the cord blood is sent to the lab via courier and you get the results within 3-5 days. you can always write off thetest as a deduction or get him to pay half, its a good carrot to establish paternity and keep things out of court if you are able to agree on a suport plan. as far as my ex, i got him to go with me for the tst so i have his dna and once shes born ill have a legal document that i can take to my lawyer or court if i have to this way all i have to do is file a complaint for shild support and cut out the rest of it. yeah i would rather have out the money to better use, but i need the peace of mind now not 6 months for now. if anyone wants more info on the lab or the number to call let me know or PM me.
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Old 09-06-2005, 10:33 AM   #9
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ps also the dad can be responsible for half the medical expenses incurred at delivery-go to supportguidelines.com and click on your state for info on responsibilties of the father and other links
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Old 09-06-2005, 03:11 PM   #10
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Why do men think they can just get away with no responsibility? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Alas, it is not just men... many women are not responsible parents by any stretch of the imagination.

I guess the first thing you have to realize is... Life is not fair. I say that a lot, but it's so true. When we try to figure out why it is not fair, I think we waste time and energy trying to change things beyond our control.

Look for state/government help with your pregnancy. They should provide you with some assistance for food and prenatal care. Don't expect anything out of the father for now, and you will not be dissapointed.

Here's a blunt way to say this... and I mean no harm or disrespect .. but.. you knew this could happen when you had relations with your ex. Women have the babies... that's just the way it is. If the man you chose to be with has turned out to be a jerk, try to learn from it and move on. Dwelling on what he has and what you are giving up is not going to make ya feel any better.

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Old 09-06-2005, 03:15 PM   #11
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PS .... It is good to vent, and this is a great place to do it - and get support from others going thru the same thing.

Hang in there ... by the way, and things will get better!
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Old 09-07-2005, 10:20 AM   #12
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Hope4joy-

Life is not fair. I have found that one out twice. Pregnate for the second time and daddy freaks and runs the other way. You're right I was just complaining about this. I have to struggle to pay for all the clothes, furniture, diapers, etc for when the baby comes. NOt like I can just wait until Dec. 27th when the baby is here and go get the stuff. I just saw my baby's father the other day towing a brand new boat w/his brand new f150 ford truck. I just cried b/c here I am struggling to buy maternity clothes and baby things. Once again it's not fair.

I get so mad b/c at deliver or shortly after dear ole daddy will show up and look like the great daddy to our child. Here I am went thru the pregnancy alone delivered the baby on my own and this jerk comes in and is daddy of the day.

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Old 09-07-2005, 02:46 PM   #13
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I relize that not dwelling on things is a good idea if you are pregnant and dealing with the ex. But I too was given this advice during my pregnancy and sometimes you do dwell on it. Thats what a "vent" is, it is temporary dwelling on a problem. Women certainly do know the risks if they have relations witha man, and they too can be irresponsible during and after their pregnancy. But inni your posts makes me fell like you are telling these pregnant women that they knew the risks and should just quit compaining, well the fathers of the babies knew the risks too.
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Old 09-07-2005, 02:50 PM   #14
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HI I am new I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I told the father when I found out 5 weeks ago.Yesterday was the 1st time I have spoken to him. He fussed me out and told me it was all my fault.He doesn't want to anything to do with the pregnancy intill the DNA test is done.Then he will do what he has to do.He actually told me that if he was still dating the girl he was seeing when the baby was born that she was going to be with him at the hospital.Is it wrong of me not to call and let him know that it was born, I'm going to let the Social Service let him know when he needs to take the test. Am I being a b***h about this.I don't want him there he is a jerk.
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Old 09-07-2005, 03:12 PM   #15
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by daisymae28501:
[qb] HI I am new I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I told the father when I found out 5 weeks ago.Yesterday was the 1st time I have spoken to him. He fussed me out and told me it was all my fault.He doesn't want to anything to do with the pregnancy intill the DNA test is done.Then he will do what he has to do.He actually told me that if he was still dating the girl he was seeing when the baby was born that she was going to be with him at the hospital.Is it wrong of me not to call and let him know that it was born, I'm going to let the Social Service let him know when he needs to take the test. Am I being a b***h about this.I don't want him there he is a jerk. [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Daisymae,

Based on what you wrote, I think it is understandable that you are upset with the father of your unborn child. You have a long way to go, so first - try not to let him get you upset. If he is only willing to do what he "has to" then, I would say - you have a valid plan. There is no reason you should have to suffer (having him bring his gf to the hosp), because he does not want to be mature about this.

It's a complicated situation, and things could change many times, over the coming months - including his willingness to participate. Take care of yourself and the baby first...that's the most important thing.

Welcome to SFV ~ a great place to gain support, get advice, vent, or just find some healing laughter.

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Old 09-07-2005, 06:36 PM   #16
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by daisymae28501:
[qb] HI I am new I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I told the father when I found out 5 weeks ago.Yesterday was the 1st time I have spoken to him. He fussed me out and told me it was all my fault.He doesn't want to anything to do with the pregnancy intill the DNA test is done.Then he will do what he has to do.He actually told me that if he was still dating the girl he was seeing when the baby was born that she was going to be with him at the hospital.Is it wrong of me not to call and let him know that it was born, I'm going to let the Social Service let him know when he needs to take the test. Am I being a b***h about this.I don't want him there he is a jerk. [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Welcome. I don't know the hospitals policy where you are planning on delivering, but where I delivered... only the people you wanted there could be there. I didn't want my ex there when I gave birth [he wasn't there during the pregnancy, so to me, he didn't deserve to be there for the birth], so I had my mom be there.

I don't think you're being a b***h. I was the exact same way. When I was pregnant, I never planned on calling my ex when I was in labor, but when I got to the hospital, I did. He came for like 15 min. then left, telling me he was going home to "change" but he really went to Disneyland instead of being there for his daughters birth. Then he came back the next day to the hospital and acted like nothing happened and didn't even tell me that's where he went [I had to find out from my friends ugh].

So I say, if you don't want him at the birth, don't call him. Call him when you come home from the hospital. Especially since he wants to bring his lady friend [which I find REALLY inappropriate].

good luck. I hope everything works out!
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Old 09-08-2005, 03:50 AM   #17
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I am soooooo sorry you all are going through this one thing I cacn say is think of this as a blessing I am not able to get pregnant and I am 23 I have 2 stepchildren that I love like they were my own I have tried to adopt but it cost way to much and I am getting married and we want children. I want you all to know keep you head up and everything will be okay if you ever need a friend remember my name Maria and I will always be here
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Old 09-09-2005, 10:51 AM   #18
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Frist off Daisymae the way you feel about not telling the father is not wrong. I'm 25wks pregnate and was going to call my X's best friend so that he could know about the baby. I was trying to be nice! Well I'm tired of being nice and decied if the baby meant anything he would come to me. He konws my location and that i'm having our baby at what hosiptal. Don't feel bad. I guess if that was consider B***hy then there are a lot of mean single mom's on this board. L

As for InnI I read her post over again and i can see where someone could get the impression that she was coming across as it being our fault. But I think what she was trying to say was we know the consquense of playing w/fire. We get burnt and unlike the guys we can walk away. We have to deal w/what ever choice we make whether be to keep the baby, abort or adopt. I think I get ya InnI!? Besides I myself have a way of wording things about men and it comes out wrong! LOL

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Old 09-09-2005, 12:38 PM   #19
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me too spirit-i think yeah we know the consequences, but accidents happen even if you try to avoid them as in my case and i made the decision i could live with and as i told my ex, he is responsible no matter what-a judge isnt going to say, well he didnt want the child so he doesnt have to pay.
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Old 09-11-2005, 09:42 AM   #20
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by daisymae28501:
[qb] HI I am new I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I told the father when I found out 5 weeks ago.Yesterday was the 1st time I have spoken to him. He fussed me out and told me it was all my fault.He doesn't want to anything to do with the pregnancy intill the DNA test is done.Then he will do what he has to do.He actually told me that if he was still dating the girl he was seeing when the baby was born that she was going to be with him at the hospital.Is it wrong of me not to call and let him know that it was born, I'm going to let the Social Service let him know when he needs to take the test. Am I being a b***h about this.I don't want him there he is a jerk. [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>The best advice I can offer you is for you to deal with him only through the court system. If you dont you will stress yourself out and probably end up losing the baby. Most states have laws for paternity testing that says the father will have to pay for PT if he is proven to be the father. He will pay for his,yours and the baby's. Then once paternity is established you can file a court order for child support. and you will not ever have to talk to him or see him. once child support is awarded you still have the choice to let him see the baby(smile) And if really wants to see his child he can take you to court for visitation rights and the judge can order specific times/days that he can see his child that way he can't just pop up stressing you out telling you he wants to see his child. you should go to establishing paternity on your internet search engine and that should give you plenty of information on what to do in your situation! I hope this helps. Remember that now its about you and the baby and only you(mommy)knows whats best for your baby.
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Old 09-11-2005, 09:50 AM   #21
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Daisymae I forgot to say that he does not have to be INVITED to the hospital that time should be shared with family and friends because these are people that are happy for you and are concerned for your health and happiness as well as the baby's You will be enduring enough pain and stress during labor alone. with or without his girlfriend I would not invite him but I am pregnant and bitter and probably my tolerance for idiot guys who think they can play when they 'feel' like it is really low. I hope everything works out keep us posted
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