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Old 05-02-2004, 10:35 PM   #1
heatherwithah
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Hello everyone,
I am new to this. I am 20 weeks pregnant and the babies father has decided he doesn't love me anymore. We have been engaged for 7 months and now he wants out. I am completely crushed. I am temporarily living with my parents as I have been laid off from my job. The babies father says he will pay child support but he has another child that he jas completely abandoned. I am desperately trying to find a job. I have a college degree but have had no luck. I hate depending on anyone and this is making me feel so hopeless. Oh by the way, the baby is a boy! I'm so excited. My sister is married and pregnant as well with her first. I guess I get jelious because she has someone to be there for her when she's not feeling well. My parents are not that supportive and it's hard. I guess I'm just having a bad day and feeling a little sad. I just feel so stupid for putting myself in this situation. How could I have trusted someone so much. Does anyone have any words of advice?
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Old 05-02-2004, 10:35 PM   #2
heatherwithah
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Hello everyone,
I am new to this. I am 20 weeks pregnant and the babies father has decided he doesn't love me anymore. We have been engaged for 7 months and now he wants out. I am completely crushed. I am temporarily living with my parents as I have been laid off from my job. The babies father says he will pay child support but he has another child that he jas completely abandoned. I am desperately trying to find a job. I have a college degree but have had no luck. I hate depending on anyone and this is making me feel so hopeless. Oh by the way, the baby is a boy! I'm so excited. My sister is married and pregnant as well with her first. I guess I get jelious because she has someone to be there for her when she's not feeling well. My parents are not that supportive and it's hard. I guess I'm just having a bad day and feeling a little sad. I just feel so stupid for putting myself in this situation. How could I have trusted someone so much. Does anyone have any words of advice?
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Old 05-03-2004, 12:13 AM   #3
alreadyfree83
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Hi. I am a Single mom of a eleven month old little girl, I'm new to SFV too. I read your message about being alone. I was in your position when I was pregnant too. I dumped my fiance of one year when I was four months pregnant. We were not getting along, and I couldn't see him taking care of his child. He wasn't around for the rest of the pregnancy, birth or after. He decided he didn't want to be a parent. It hasn't hurt me or my little girl any. He wouldn't of been a good father to her anyways. He hasn't seen her since she was 3 weeks old, by his choice. I decided to not go for child support b/c I have great family support (I live w/ my parents too) and I would rather he leave us alone and disappear and not harrass us. I understand what you must be thinking/feeling. I was and still am there. My advice to you is; if you really need the money, then get child support when the child is born. I don't know what state you're in, but some states have the WIC program. It gives free formula to families who can't afford it, even if you don't get child support. It's not welfare, it's just help. There are lots other state help that you could receive. Get a hold of the Division of Family Services in your area and they can help you, even if the father of the baby won't. I hope this helps. Congradulations on having a boy, and I will pray for you.
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Old 05-03-2004, 02:12 AM   #4
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welcome! we are all here to support you.
my ex and I were engaged too we broke up a couples day before I found out I was pregnant. i have a 4mnth old boy. It has turned out to be better without him. He also has another son, but he has sole custody (but he is still not the best father). i also live with my parents and I am not working (geting my college degree). Since your family is not supportinve, I suggest getting child support from him. I don't like to be dependent on anyone else, but its your child's right to have that money. If you don't want to use it, put it ina savings account and/or invest it for your son. But look at the brighter side of the situation you get to be home with your son. I am so glad (blessed) that I don't work. They grow too fast and I don't know any mom that wouldn't want to stay home with their baby for at least the first year. Once you see your baby boy, he becomes the man of your life. Don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes. We are taught we are suppose to trust those whom we love. I asked myself that same questionand many others all the time during my pregnancy, then I realized that things will always work out for the best and put my trust in God to guide my life from then on. but some advise, since he abandoned his first child. I suggest you give your son your last name.he can change it when he is older if he would like. Also if you don't want child support from the father, then don't put his name on the birth certificate. I made the mistake of putting my ex's name on the certificate, and now it is causing me problems(my ex has turned into a real jerk, I'm lucky i didn't marry him). It was till a couple of weeks after I had the baby that I saw his true side of being a father and man. You can always add his name to the birth certificate later.
if you are feeling lonely we alre all here for you. You can Private message me too if ya just need to vent!! Congrats on having a boy! Have you picked a name?
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Old 05-03-2004, 02:42 AM   #5
heatherwithah
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Thank you evryone who has replied!!! It is so nice to know there are other women in my situation who have made it. I just feel so sorry for these men, because they have no idea what they're missing out on. My ex was all for having a baby untill it has disrupted his going out all night. He doesn't see why I would be mad. he's 32 and completely clueless. He is probably doing me the biggest favor of my life by bailing on us, it's just hard to look at it that way right now. I know it's not healthy for my baby inside of me to be so sad. I'm trying not too but it's hard. The weekends are hard and so will mothers day. His mother has nothing to do with us. She's not much different than her son. I'm just glad that my son will be different than his father because he will respect women and stand up for his children.
I'm sorry, I'm on a roll. I'm just so angry right now. Ive decided I will file for child support. He lives in another state so I'm not worried about him with visitation. He won't even contest it. He has no backbone. We'll thank you everyone for your words of encouragement! I really needed it tonight. I wish you all the best and good luck!
Heather
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by heatherwithah:
[qb]Hello everyone,
I am new to this. I am 20 weeks pregnant and the babies father has decided he doesn't love me anymore. We have been engaged for 7 months and now he wants out. I am completely crushed. I am temporarily living with my parents as I have been laid off from my job. The babies father says he will pay child support but he has another child that he jas completely abandoned. I am desperately trying to find a job. I have a college degree but have had no luck. I hate depending on anyone and this is making me feel so hopeless. Oh by the way, the baby is a boy! I'm so excited. My sister is married and pregnant as well with her first. I guess I get jelious because she has someone to be there for her when she's not feeling well. My parents are not that supportive and it's hard. I guess I'm just having a bad day and feeling a little sad. I just feel so stupid for putting myself in this situation. How could I have trusted someone so much. Does anyone have any words of advice?[/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
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Old 05-03-2004, 09:43 AM   #6
Dew
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Yes, that's true. They don't know what they're missing by not seeing their children grow up. They're wasting their lives, if you ask me, by thinking that going out and stuff is more important.
Still, a little bit of each would be nice too.
I find the weekends the hardest as well, when 'public life' stands still (no open shops here, on sundays !!), and the weather is crappy, and SPN comes on too late as well (we're 7 hours ahead of you, here in Europe) we're stuck in the house.
But this is an absolutely wonderful time, when your kids are small (or unborn ), and they're (almost) all pleasure.
We (I) just need to remember that.
Daniela
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Old 05-10-2004, 06:00 PM   #7
LadieBug88
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OH HONEY!

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. My boyfriend of 4 years and I married FINALLY after an on-again-off-again relationship. We got pregnant right away. During my 7th month of pregnancy (and 7 months of marriage) he left me for another woman.

All I heard was "I to'd you so" from all of my family...but here we are, a year later with a home of our own, and HE is paying child support and HALF of her childcare expenses...

My advice...get a lwayer NOW so that you can enforce child support when your baby is born.

Email me anytime... mistiebug*yahoo.***
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