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Old 01-12-2008, 04:57 AM   #1
PiercingSerenity
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I'm 42 weeks pregnant, and can go any day. I've spoken to the baby's father all of four times since I told him I was pregnant. Each time, I called him. Now, he says he wants me to call him when I go into labor so he can travel to the hospital and see the delivery.

I understand he wants to be there to see his child be born, but I feel like I don't know him anymore and I really just don't want him there.

Is that cruel?
Is that selfish?
Do I really have the right to do that?
And if I do, how do I tell him I don't want him there for the birth of his child - yet I still want his help and his support?
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Old 01-12-2008, 05:27 AM   #2
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I think he's the one being cruel and selfish, not having contacted you during your pregnancy.

Go with your feelings about not having him there for the delivery. (It's not a show for his benefit!!)

You need to be as relaxed and comfortable as you can be for it and if that means him not being there, so be it. The last thing you need right now is to think about his "needs". Did he think about yours for the last 9 months??

His help and support for your child is not dependant on his being present at the birth.

All the best!!
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Old 01-12-2008, 05:30 AM   #3
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P.s. You can always tell him that it went so fast you didn't have time to call him but had to concentrate on the breathing
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Old 01-12-2008, 05:50 AM   #4
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Marielle is right. Just call him when you have already given birth... tell him you didnt have time to call when you were already in the delivery room.

Goodness... having a baby is already a lot of pressure... I dont think you need an added pressure of an estranged boyfriend in there. well if he will let you slap him and scratch him while you deliver then maybe that's a good idea LOL. otherwise, just do what you're comfortable with.

good luck and congrats!!
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Old 01-12-2008, 09:39 AM   #5
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Here is an alternative thought.....have someone else call him. Someone you do want there can call him without your knowledge. Make your Ex stay in the waiting room until your child is already born...or have the "assigned person" call to say your are on your way and they will let him know when he should come.

He lost his rights to be in the room with you, but he didn't lose his rights to be there right after her birth.


I had my Ex escorted out of the hospital by security. Apparently he couldn't handle talking to me to find out if the pregnancy was going well, so had checked in with one of my friends instead. She told him I was going to the hospital and I had her leave as well. I was so upset that I thought for months he didn't care and she hadn't even bothered to tell me he'd been asking. It was a month before he saw his daughter. I regret making it so hard, but I was in labor when I found all of it out and didn't need the stress of that decision then.

My daughter will never have a story of how her Daddy held her when she was first born, because of my choice. They see each other often and she adores her Dad. I would put heavy thought into creative ways of allowing him to be there for her first moments of life. Remember this is the moment for most men when they actually gain the knowledge that this is for real. They haven't felt the kicks....but the moment a father sees his child for the first time a spark goes off and it all clicks.

Just think about it, you have so much going on anyway, you don't want to have any regrets after all the hormones and emotions settle in.
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Old 01-12-2008, 10:33 AM   #6
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I thank you all for your support.
I think, since my mother is the one calling everybody - she can just call him last, and say she called him first or whatever. He lives 2 1/2 hours away and if I call him a little late, than it would just be his fault he's not there, not mine. Then, I could ignore the drama.
Also, I was wondering if I could blame it on the hospital. For example, the hospital has mandatory classes for you and those that will be with you in the room. Although they do make acceptions, he doesn't know that. And my doctors there are really great, so I don't think they'll mind covering for me if I said that. That way, he can come in right after the delivery and see his son - but won't be there during the stress of me actually having the baby.
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Old 01-12-2008, 11:44 AM   #7
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Honestly I don't think it would be that bad saying you only want your coach there, but don't use it as an excuse. Be honest and say that you don't want him in the delivery if he presses the issue. Don't start looking for ways not to stand your ground on your own two feet. You have too much ahead of you to use anything as an excuse to express your opinions.

You need to get that backbone strong right now because you have a baby on its way and you will have a lot of things you'll need to stand strong about in the near future. This is just the first of many.
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Old 01-26-2008, 12:44 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Blindsky75:

You need to get that backbone strong right now because you have a baby on its way and you will have a lot of things you'll need to stand strong about in the near future. This is just the first of many.
Ain't THAT the truth.................
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Old 01-31-2008, 04:37 PM   #9
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The idiot didn't even come down for the delivery. He came down when his son was 4 days old, and held him at his side like a football and didn't even look at him - then he left after two hours.

Now, my son is 16 days old and he just called asking for a paternity test.
I almost want to say forget it. Although I won't get the financial support or the health insurance from him - then he can't take my son away from me for weekends or holidays. And, in all honesty, I think that's a good trade. My parents are more than willing to help, and I have no qualms about getting state aide until I finish my degree and get a "real job" so I can get health insurance for him.

So, I think I'm just going to say forget it. If you really want this to be your son take me to court, because I'm pretty done with the BS.
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Old 01-31-2008, 09:22 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by PiercingSerenity:

I have no qualms about getting state aide until I finish my degree and get a "real job" so I can get health insurance for him.
Guess what will happen....They will go after him....probably not a good thing for you to say forget it. From what I hear the state of NY is not one to play around with their aid, and they WILL get their money back....

Just keep that in mind. State aid is not free money, it comes from somewhere.
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Old 01-31-2008, 10:41 PM   #11
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In my State if you are on welfare at all they make you file for child support and paternity of the child. You have the option of taking the welfare money or the child support but not both and they will not give you welfare if you do not comply by filing for child support.
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